Connor nodded in reply. “Take him out of the room. We need to talk.”
Tremors shook Holly’s body as the doctor handed the baby to Nana, who cradled him close, then swiftly covered his patient with a sheet and woollen blankets. “Keep her warm, she’s in shock. We’ll be just outside the door.”
As they closed the door behind them, Connor lowered himself carefully on the bed. Still Holly kept her face pressed against the pillows, away from him.
“Why don’t you just take him and go?” Her voice, muffled against the pillow, wrenched a gaping hole in his chest.
“I can’t go. Not without you.”
“You don’t need me. You have him now. It’s what you wanted isn’t it?”
“Did you think I’d just toss you a cheque, pick up the baby and go? What kind of man do you think I am? It’s not about the baby anymore, Holly. I want you, and I’m not leaving here without you.”
She turned back to face him, her mouth a twisted line. “No-o-o! You can’t do that to me. You can’t demand any more from me. I’ve done everything you asked. Now go, and leave me alone.”
“Holly, you can’t abandon him like this. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to our baby.” Maybe shock tactics would work, he thought, grasping at anything he could to shake her from her resolve. “I read the report on your mother; it was faxed it to me in the States. Haven’t you wondered if she died that way because she couldn’t bear to be without you? Didn’t you learn anything from her death? Don’t you see? You’re doing exactly what she did, except she was too young and too alone to know how it could be any different. Give yourself a chance. Give our son a chance.”
“How dare you. She had no choice. I made mine,” she whispered, her face paling. “I pity the poor woman you fall in love with, Connor Knight, I hope she never knows how low or how mean you’re prepared to go.” He barely made out her words through the thickness of her tears.
“Then pity yourself,” he answered, finding her hand beneath the covers and holding it firmly in his.
“Don’t! Don’t lie to me.”
“I mean it, Holly. I love you.” He reached forward and brushed her damp hair from her face, his fingers tingling at the softness of her skin. “I’ve been a complete fool. I didn’t tell you about the investigation because I didn’t want you to have an excuse to leave. I wanted you to need me. I wanted to be the only one there for you, even though I fought it and fought it and treated you abominably every step of the way. I couldn’t even admit it to myself until last week. I knew I needed to talk to you before the baby arrived but I couldn’t do it over the phone. How could I tell you from thousands of miles away that I love you? You have every right to never want to forgive me.”
She remained silent; her eyes boring into his as if she could see right through him, as if nothing he said mattered. Connor held her gaze and felt his heart skip a beat. He’d missed her with a physical and emotional ache that he hadn’t wanted to identify when he’d first arrived in the States. He’d thrown himself into business and meetings, but in the back of his mind, and during every quiet moment, he’d wondered and worried about Holly. What kind of day she’d had. How she was feeling. Did she miss him as much as he missed her?
Bit by bit, he’d recognised that his motivation to close the deal and get home was no longer the imminent birth of his baby.
He wanted Holly. He wanted her like he had never wanted any woman.
It shamed him to realise it had taken the distance of several thousand miles to allow himself to admit he loved her. Right now, nothing he’d achieved in his career, in his entire life, meant a thing if he couldn’t convince Holly of that too.
“Do you know why I wanted this baby, our baby, so much?” he asked, leaning forward to gently rest his forehead against hers. When she didn’t respond he continued, regardless. “On your birthday last year I discovered Carla had terminated a pregnancy in the early stages of our marriage. It doesn’t excuse what I did, but when you became pregnant all I could see was that I had another chance. A chance to do it right this time. Maybe, in the back of my mind, I even wanted you to fall pregnant.
“I put you through months of hell for my own selfish reasons, to replace the baby she killed. I couldn’t let another child of mine die like that. When you talked about ‘options’ at Carmen’s office that day, I was incensed. What if you’d insisted on a termination? My fears made me pretend you were just like her, when deep down I should have known better. Known you could never be anything like her.”