“I will do everything I can to make certain nothing goes wrong.” Connor pushed his chair away from the patio table and rose to his feet, looming over her in a manner that brooked no argument. “So will you.”
“And after the baby is born, what then? What if it’s sick, or has some defect or abnormality that you didn’t know about. Will you want it then?” Her voice rose uncontrollably as fear of the unknown tore through her like the jaws of a voracious shark.
“Family is everything to me.” Connor looked at her as if she’d crawled out from under a particularly slimy rock. “In my opinion only the lowest kind of parent wouldn’t want and love their child no matter how perfect or imperfect they are.”
“There are some that don’t.” Holly replied, a tremor belying the emotion that ripped her apart. Parents like her mother, who’d abandoned a perfectly healthy child without reason.
“Some like yourself? Is that what you’re saying?” Connor reached up and loosened the knot of his tie. “Well, don’t worry, Holly. I will happily bring up my child on my own. I have more than enough love for both of us.”
“And what then? What about me?”
“Good question.” His face hardened like granite, his eyes bottomless in their hooded darkness. He continued in a voice colder than the Arctic Circle, “You’ll be free to go, won’t you? That is what you want, isn’t it?”
Free to go. A shard of ice lodged deep in her chest. She hadn’t had a chance to stop to think about what would happen once the child was born. What did she know about motherhood? She’d hardly had a sterling example in her own mother. And what about extended family? As far as she knew, she had none.
The prospect of trying to raise a child terrified her. In the deepest recesses of her memory she had shadowed pictures of a smiling face, an impression of the warmth of another’s arms, snatches of a tune hummed in the dark to chase the night terrors away. But the memories were so few and so ephemeral, they may have merely been wishful thinking. And moneywise, even after Andrea died it still wouldn’t be easy. Babies cost money, there were no two ways about it. To keep the child, she’d have to work anyway to support day care, leave her baby to a stranger to be raised. To abandon her baby daily to what she’d spent the last eight years trying to forget. Connor could offer this child everything she’d never had, everything except its own mother. With sudden clarity Holly understood what she had to do.
“I take it I still have a job at Knights?”
“Well, we’ll have to see about that.” Connor sat back in his chair and rubbed his chin with one long-fingered hand. “Why don’t you get your strength back first, then we’ll discuss it further.”
“Oh, really? And tell me, how am I supposed to support myself in the meantime? I’ve used up all my leave and sick days.”
“I’ll see to it that you continue to receive your pay. Until the baby’s born you won’t want for anything. Obviously, I’d prefer you stay here instead of that excuse for a house you’ve been living in. You’ll have everything you need.”
A short sharp bark of laughter ejected from her throat. Need? What did he know about need? He had it all in spades. A family, a home. A job. And now this baby. All she had left was her pride and a whole lot of expenses, and her pride was about to take a long walk off a short pier. She had to tell him about Andrea, risk more of his pity. If he didn’t understand why the money was so important, she didn’t know what to do next.
“This is about more than my comfort. Have you ever heard of juvenile Huntington’s disease?”
“Vaguely.” His face blanched in the evening light. “Are you saying you’re a carrier?”
“No. I don’t even have a medical background to check. But my sister—my foster sister—Andrea, has the disease. She’s in the last stages and requires full-time care. Very expensive care. That’s where my money goes. I can’t afford to lose my job. She’d have to be moved into the public system. I promised her when she was still well enough to understand I would never let that happen. She’s all I have. I won’t let her down. Not now.”
“And you never told me this before. Why exactly?”
“It’s my problem. I handle my problems myself. My way.” She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the scents that lingered enticingly on the night air, knowing that with her next words she’d no doubt be damning herself in his opinion of her. Somehow she had to keep her promise to look after Andrea, no matter what. “Her disease is incurable, but there are things she could have to make her more comfortable. Things I can’t afford. I’ll agree to have this baby for you, on condition that you continue to pay me so I can cover Andrea’s fees.”