Her brow rose. “Different to Alex and Nick? How pleased you must feel to be one step ahead of them all,” she said, sneering. “The youngest brother jumping in and sacrificing himself on the marriage altar would definitely make you a big man in their eyes.”
What on earth …
He swore. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Then what was it like?”
“You already know all there is to know, Lana. I don’t have an agenda.”
She held his gaze and he held hers, then her shoulders suddenly drooped as all the puff seemed to leave her. “Matt, our marriage isn’t working. Megan has your name now, so there’s no further need for us to stay together. She’s a Valente. I’ll make sure she’s proud of it.”
Jealousy stabbed at him. “Even when you marry someone else?” he said in a harsh voice.
She looked baffled. “What do you mean?”
His muscles bunched at the thought of her with someone else. “You said you wanted more children.”
“I do.”
“I’m assuming you have someone in mind to father those children.”
The air seemed to suddenly suspend itself.
“Of course.”
Matt saw red. “The poor bastard.”
Her forehead creased. “Matt, do you think—” She broke off. “It’s you I wanted to father my children.”
The blood rushed to his head. “Me?”
She met his eyes without flinching. “I wanted to have more children with you, only, you turned all cold on me and I knew I was grasping at straws to think you’d feel the same.”
Matt was trying to take it all in. “You said ‘wanted.’ Is that feeling in the past?”
She swallowed hard. “No.”
Hope began to rise inside his chest. “Then—”
“No, Matt. It can’t be.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged and looked away uncomfortably. “Because.”
He took some steps toward her and put his hand under her chin, turning her to look at him. He wasn’t going to let up. “Because?”
She lowered her eyelids, then slowly lifted them open, her feelings clear to see. “Because I love you, Matt.”
A wave rolled inside Matt’s chest. “You love me?” he rasped.
“Yes,” she whispered. Then she stepped back, breaking away from his touch. “But it’s not enough. I can’t let Megan suffer in the future at our lack of trust for each other. I suffered growing up because my mother was pregnant and because my father did the right thing in marrying her, but I can’t do that to Megan. My parents ended up hating each other. My father was always cheating on my mother.”
He quelled a squeezing pain inside himself. “Your father married your mother because she was pregnant with you?”
She nodded. “Yes. I told you.”
“No, you told me they had an abusive marriage. You didn’t say why.”
“Oh.” Her expression clouded over, clearly with unhappy thoughts. “Well, that’s why. I was always in the middle. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.”
“That wouldn’t happen with us.”
“It happened tonight. We’ve already argued about Irene and about your affairs and—”
“I haven’t had any affairs. Anyway, who said we would be arguing in years to come?”
“If we don’t trust each other now, we certainly won’t trust each other in the future.”
Everything fell into place and Matt finally understood why she hadn’t told him about Megan, and why she hadn’t wanted to trap him. It wasn’t wholly about him not being ready to be a father, as she’d stated. That had been only an excuse.
No, the problem was that her parents had left her a legacy of trust issues. Her father’s adultery was the main offender, and he could only imagine what other mental scars she had. It came down to the fact that she couldn’t trust anyone not to hurt her or her daughter—including himself.
As he looked into her pain-filled eyes he finally understood something else. It hurt like hell when you loved someone and they were in pain.
As he loved Lana.
He knew that in one blinding moment, but amazingly he somehow held himself in check. He had to tread carefully here or he could lose her.
For good.
“Did your parents love each other, Lana?”
Her expression clouded. “My mother loved my father, but it was never reciprocated.”
Relief launched through his body. This was something concrete he could use. “Our situation is different.”
She shook her head. “I’ve just told you I love you, Matt. It’s not different. It’s the same situation all over again.”