She couldn't let herself go down that road again. Maybe being kicked to the curb was a good thing.
"Thanks for the brutal honesty, Anita."
"Nothing else makes sense, Joan. It doesn't do either of us any good to get your hopes up. That doesn't pay bills."
She felt lighter suddenly. "I was probably foolish to even consider modeling again-it would put me back in the center of all the things I didn't deal well with last time."
Anita stood up, grinning. "I always liked you, Joan. Now I'm proud of you."
When she left, Joan let herself recall the life she'd led. Even when it had been good, and at times it was wonderful, the life was too hectic, demanding. She didn't need that kind of pressure now.
But she needed something. A direction. A focus.
That meant analysis-the kind of thing that Lissa was good at. Now that they were close, she felt comfortable talking to her about it. She would see it from the outside.
Lissa considered the question, wondering if any insights she might have would be right for her sister. They were quite different people, and when you were setting goals, they had to be right for you. "I'm willing to help, but I need you to promise me you won't get offended if any of my ideas seem silly."
"Okay."
"If what I come up with is off base, tell me why, honestly, and it will give our model a useful feedback loop."
"A feedback loop?"
"A way for me to reevaluate my assumptions. I listen to your reaction and make adjustments."
"Okay."
"For instance, and this is just an offhand idea, not something thought out, it would help us both if you were interested in working for me, with me."
"Doing what? I have no business skills, and I have almost no idea what you really do."
"I'm thinking of a more personal service. You know I'm eager to get back to work. Interviewing and evaluating people to take care of the kids and keep house is going to be a nightmare. If you had the least interest in doing it, that would be fantastic. I can trust you with the kids, and with my stuff, obviously, which would be a huge plus."
"I don't know that much about child care."
"Getting pregnant doesn't seem to have instilled a lot of knowledge and wisdom on that score in me. A person who was still mobile, on the other hand, could start attending classes on child care and home economics-on my dime."
A smile crossed Joan's face. "I guess so."
"That was just a wild idea out of the blue, although now that I've said it out loud … That sure would be nice for me. Still, we are looking at what's right for you. To do that, you need to think about the crazy-assed suggestions I come up with and get back to me with why you think it would be a bad idea or what aspects you might like. I take that in and then the next one will be more on target."
Joan looked at her sister and Lissa saw that something had caught her imagination. "That one is weird enough to think about," she said. "From model to nanny."
"You don't need to take it seriously."
"Assuming I said yes, that would help you, right?"
"This analysis, what we are trying to do, is aimed at figuring out what's right for you."
"It would let me see my nieces, nephews, whatever you've got stuffed in there, growing up."
"And it would pay a salary."
"And free you to go back to work."
"Where are we taking this, Joan? Are you actually considering it?"
"I need to think about it, but it would involve me in your life, which might be nice for a time."
"Make certain you think of everything that might suck about working for me … "
"Like the fact that you are such a hard-nosed bitch."
"I might be at times. And think about working a lot of weird hours-you know my schedule. And sometimes we'd travel at a moment's notice."
"Forced to see the world? Damn."
"But you'd be taking care of the kids, not sightseeing."
"Kids need to see museums too. If we did this, you'd need a bigger apartment. You need a bigger one, anyway. No matter what, you'll need something with a bedroom for me near to a pretty big nursery."
"Oh my God, yes. Do you know I haven't even looked into that?"
"While I'm thinking, I could start researching that for you."
"You could?"
"Sure. It might give me some insight into doing that kind of thing for an ungrateful employer, and I can I think about what it might be like to be an overpaid super-nanny for a hard-nosed businesswoman."
"Overpaid?"
Joan put her hands on her hips. "What would mom think if you took advantage of family?"
Lissa reached for her water. "And here I thought hiring you might make all this easier."
"Hah! I can consider serfdom, but I don't come cheap."
"Fair enough. So think about it. I like the idea, but that's selfish me talking. Wishing. You need to think about what's right for you. You've overcome a lot, and I don't want you taking on too much."
"You think your junkie model sister can't handle the pressure?"
"I think she can do anything she wants to. I just need you to make sure you really want to do it."
Joan held out a hand. "Well, Ms. Edwards, I think I'll go and see if my previous employer will give me a good reference." She laughed. "Whether or not we do this, I'll call a realtor and look at some places. I'm curious about what's available."
"If you find a good realtor, see what I'd get for my place."
"Okay."
Joan left looking happier than when she'd arrived, and that made Lissa feel good. And this strange idea of hiring her to take care of the kids seemed to have legs. Joan clearly was considering the idea. If she kept things in the family, even if just for a while, until Joan figured out something else for herself and she got her own life sorted out, that could be a great help to them both.
Despite the hassles of being immobile to bring all three babies to term, she was excited about her life. If Joan helped, she might get things working well. The only sadness was wondering what had gone wrong with Julio Torres. Why wouldn't he care enough to even answer? Even if she was wrong about the way he felt about her, even if something in his life was upsetting it, why didn't he let her know?
She had to accept that she might not ever find out. That would require communication.
CHAPTER FOUR
The apartment was incredible. She looked at her sister in amazement. "This is amazing. The city view, the spaciousness … and you've made it look homey."
"All part of the nanny, real estate, home shopping, cooking, and housekeeping service we agreed to."
"Money will be tight for a bit." Her mind was racing. "I'll get my apartment on the market … "
"She has a buyer for your place already."
"You're kidding?"
Joan laughed. "I met her when I was thinking of becoming a realtor, which lasted thirty seconds. She was impressive, though. And now she has two buyers for your dump, so the bid is higher than the asking price. She's sending the papers to your office today."
"Then I'll sign them today." She hugged her sister. "Hiring you was the smartest thing I ever did, sis, or I'd be sitting in my cramped place with three screaming kids, trying to figure out what to do first."
Joan grinned and poured them each an iced tea. "Then I'm pretty damn happy. The real job has been organizing things. That, and now learning to tell the kids apart. Hey, who would've known I enjoy organizing things? Mom must be rolling over in her grave."
Lissa was still stunned. She'd seen the pictures Joan sent of the place, and signed the papers for it on her say-so, but it was so much nicer than she'd imagined. "You did everything."
Joan giggled. "I used your money to buy good help. I was the project manager."
"And a brilliant one." She peeked into the nursery. Joan had arranged it for the three boys, and it was beautiful. Each had his own crib and changing station. For once, all three of them were sound asleep. They were beautiful boys, small as triplets were, but each one had been pronounced healthy after spending a few days in intensive care. The hospital stay had been a tedious and painful bore, but the delivery went well, and she had brought her children to their new home.
She let out a sigh of relief. "Idyllic."
Joan was beaming. "It's quite an operation. I've got nurses on call for emergencies and a service that can provide extra care if I get sick or just overwhelmed-just people who can come in so we can get a decent night's sleep. That's an advantage a lot of women don't have, or don't take advantage of, but I know you, Lissa. You are going to hit the ground running, and I want the time you have with the babies to be fun."
"I better hit the ground running. All this service doesn't come cheap … but I'm not complaining, Joan. It's all perfect. You've made me feel I have a chance."
And Joan was rising to the occasion, which was delightful to see.
"We are going to be happy here," Joan said confidently.
"Where is Abby?" Lissa asked. "I can't find anything."
"I had to let her go," Tina said. "She was insolent and wouldn't do what she was told."