"No. I don't want to hear an excuse, Hadley. I promised myself to you, promised to share a future with you, and I didn't do it because I thought every day would be a party. I did it because I love you and want to spend time with you, whether that time is spent doing homework, having lunch at school, or going out somewhere … the point is that we're together. I thought that was what mattered."
Shame burned through me.
"If you weren't with me, you'd be out having fun with your friends, Tyler. You'd be going to the basketball games, going to parties … "
"If I weren't with you," he said softly, "I'd be sitting at home in my room wondering what I'd done to screw it all up, causing me to lose the only girl I've ever loved. Do you really think so little of me that you think I want that party lifestyle more than I want to be with you?"
"I just … " I started sobbing. "I'm useless, Tyler. I can't do anything anymore. If I can't go to college, I won't be able to get a good job. I don't even know if I can get a job at all! You deserve so much better than me."
Tyler stood and pulled me into his arms. "Hadley, you're not useless. Do you need more help than you did before? Yes, but that doesn't mean school is impossible. Your parents talked to the school, and they've offered you extra time to take tests and turn in assignments. I'm sure whatever college you decide to attend will offer you the help you need. Just because it's become difficult, doesn't mean it's impossible."
I sniffled. "You really think I can go to school?"
"I really do."
"I won't be able to study music, but I'd still really like to be a teacher."
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I've actually done a little research over the past month. What if you either became a teacher for kids with disabilities or maybe became a school counselor who helped set up programs for special needs kids? Just because your dream needs to change a little, it doesn't mean you have to throw it away completely."
"You really looked that up for me?"
"I did. And it just so happens, University of Florida has a program that I think would be ideal for you. Not that I'm pressuring you to choose that school, but my parents are pushing me to accept a scholarship so I can use the money saved toward living expenses."
"I feel like I'm holding you back, Tyler."
He kissed me softly. "You could never hold me back, Hadley. I want you with me when I go off to college, but if you feel like you need to go your own way, I'll understand. It doesn't mean we have to break up; it just means we won't get to see each other every day."
"I haven't even applied to the schools offering you a scholarship."
"Then I guess you'd better hurry and get your application turned in."
I smiled. "You really want me to go with you to University of Florida?"
"I really do."
Despite my tears and uncertainty, he still wanted me. He'd been willing to follow me so I could achieve my dream of becoming a music teacher, so why couldn't I follow him? He was right. Just because my life had changed, it didn't mean things were completely over for me. I would just have to work harder than I ever had before.
"Thank you, Tyler. Now … get out of here so I can go look up the application and get started."
"Do you need any help?"
I bit my lip. "I think this is something I need to do on my own. I can't rely on you to be there every second of every day for me. I need to learn to do some things on my own. My life changed, Tyler, but I've let everyone hold my hand and lead me along. Maybe … maybe I'm ready to stand on my own two feet now."
He kissed me again, harder than before. "I'm so proud of you, Red. I love you."
"I love you too," I said softly.
"Call me before you go to bed tonight. I can't sleep unless I hear your voice."
With a goofy smile on my face, I walked him to the door and waited until I heard his truck door shut. Then I closed the door and went up to my room to find the application for University of Florida. I had to zoom my monitor to read the font on the school's site, but I eventually located the application and printed off a copy. Using my special magnifier, I filled it out, pausing at the essay portion. Why do you want to attend the University of Florida? What do you hope to achieve with your acceptance?
Thanks to Tyler and his little pep talk in the kitchen, I knew exactly what I would say. It took me the rest of the night to put my essay together, but when I stopped, I was happy with the results. I had talked about my disability and the changes it had brought to my life. Then I explained why I wanted to attend the university and what I hoped to achieve by going there. Tyler had opened my eyes and made me realize I was feeling sorry for myself. It was time to pull up my big girl panties and face life, no matter what that might entail.
Gathering my application, I took it downstairs, where Mom and Dad were sitting at the kitchen table. They'd been murmuring to one another, but it went silent once they realized I was there.
"What do you have there, Hads?" Dad asked.
"I want to apply to the University of Florida."
Silence.
"That's okay, isn't it?" I asked.
"Is that one of the schools Tyler was accepted to?" Mom asked.
I nodded. "He has a full scholarship to go there and play football for them. We talked today, and since I'm not going to study music education anymore, there's no point in my attending UT in the fall like I'd planned. But there's no reason I can't go with him. He'd been willing to walk away from his scholarships so he could be with me while I realized my dream, and now it's time for me to do the same for him."
"And what are you going to study?" Dad asked.
"I put down Psychology for my major. I think I'd like to learn how to help people with disabilities and become a school counselor. Tyler brought it up today and it feels right. I want to help people like me."
"Are you sure you want to go so far from home?" Mom asked.
"Mom, you always knew there was a chance I'd leave home and move to another state. I may have lost my sight, but I'm not completely helpless. It's time that I started living again and not just existing. Yes, something bad happened to me, but I can let it rule my life or I can learn to live each day with a disability and not let it ruin my future."
"I'm real proud of you," Dad said. "I think, if you want to apply to University of Florida, we can come up with the application fee. I'll take it to the post office in the morning and ask them to send it priority."
"Thanks, Daddy." I threw my arms around him. "I should go call Tyler and let him know. We have some plans to make."
Mom laughed. "You still have six months left of school, Hadley. I think that's plenty of time to figure everything out."
Dad was flipping through the pages of the application. "Hads, you didn't mark that you would be interested in student housing."
I felt my cheeks warm. "Thing is … Tyler and I had talked before about sharing an apartment off campus. His parents are giving him some money, and we were going to use that for rent, utilities, and whatever else we need. I have some money in savings too."
"Should we ask if you're being careful?" Mom asked. "You aren't going to make me a grandma early, are you?"
Now I knew my face was on fire. "Mom!"
"We just want to make sure you're being responsible," Dad said. "Living with a disability isn't going to be easy, Hadley. I think you need to get college out of the way, find a job, and once you've established yourself, you can think about having kids. Until then, I want to know you're taking every precaution."
"I promise."
"All right. Go call that boyfriend of yours before he storms the castle. I'm sure he's wondering what's up since it's nearing nine o'clock and you haven't called yet."
With a huge smile on my face, I hurried upstairs and called Tyler. I shared my news with him, and told him about my conversation with my parents, which just made him laugh. He did agree with them though, about waiting until after college to start a family. He said we'd be as careful as we could until we were married.
I still couldn't believe he'd said we were getting married. I knew what the promise ring on my finger meant, but hearing him say the words was different. Oh, it was years into the future, but just knowing he intended for me to be at his side, for the rest of high school and all of college, was enough to make me glow with happiness. It just proved that despite tragedy, I still had a bright future ahead of me.
Chapter Ten
Tyler
I still couldn't believe what I'd walked in on earlier. It baffled me that Hadley felt like she was holding me back, like it was a sacrifice for me to be with her. Things were different since she'd come home from the hospital, and I'd noticed she'd pulled away from me. I had thought she was just having a hard time, but I hadn't realized she felt like a burden to me. I'd do anything for her, and I'd thought she knew that, but apparently I hadn't conveyed my feelings as well as I'd thought.