“Morning.”
Tessa opened her eyes and turned her face toward the voice. It was Russell, holding a cup of hot coffee in his outstretched hand.
“It’s 9:00. Time to get going.”
Tessa sipped the coffee, uncomfortable in her attire, which was to say, nothing.
Russell seemed to notice. “You were beautiful last night, you’re beautiful this morning. Nothing’s changed, except you’re going to have to find a dry cleaner before you wear that again.” He pointed to Tessa’s silk dress, on the floor in the corner. “I was going to hang it up for you, but I noticed a rather large stain on it. Next time, you might embrace the panty lines and don some underwear.” He grinned wickedly.
Tessa blushed.
“How did you sleep?”
To lie or tell the truth? Like Ben, Russell seemed to read women as if they were billboards: perfectly clear with only a glimpse and at high speed. She couldn’t fool him if she tried.
“I was a little unsettled.”
Russell sat on the edge of the bed next to her. “Want to talk about it?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what to say. Things have been going great here. You, Ben and Jason have been wonderful. The experiences you’ve all given me have helped me so much. But something caught up with me last night, after…you know.”
“After we had sex?”
Tessa nodded. “I woke up, maybe an hour after we finished. I should have felt wonderful. Instead I had this deep ache.” She lightly touched her heart and looked at Russell. “Stupid, huh?”
He put an arm around Tessa and gently pulled her to him. “Not stupid at all. When you came to Athena’s Ground you were pretty buttoned up, physically and emotionally. Getting unbuttoned, literally and figuratively, is a stressful thing for someone like you. Add to that something the psych people call dissonance: you know, rationally, that you’re not morally, ethically or legally obligated to be celibate for David. But emotionally, you’re pretty attached to the guy, so you feel like you’re cheating on him. That leaves you feeling guilty and confused because the sex you’ve had has been extremely enjoyable. How’m I doing so far?”
“Am I that transparent or are you brilliant?”
“A little of both.” Russell smiled. “When you get home you’ll have follow-up sessions with Carmen. It’s standard. Everyone needs to sort through the confusing feelings this field experience creates. Carmen will help you sort through it: guilt, joy, right, wrong--throw it all at her, and I promise, you two will work it out. In the meantime, focus on getting what you need out of our experience.”
“Thanks Russell.” Tessa’s voice was small and quiet, but she felt better. Hearing her own thoughts and feelings coming from Russell’s mouth made her realize that she was confused, not crazy, and that her confusion was normal.
Russell stood and pulled Tessa off the bed with him. “Let’s get going. The shower’s yours. But Tessa, do me a favor and leave the privacy blinds open.”
She couldn’t tell by his expression if he was kidding. It was one thing to shower for his pleasure in the heat of pleasure, and quite another to do it when the only thing on her mind was breakfast. She closed the blinds and lathered up.