Fondly,
David
Tessa shut down her laptop with a smile. She’d been given the gift of time, compliments of David’s ‘miserly boss.’ And she needed that time; she’d barely begun her therapy sessions with Carmen at Athena’s Ground, and so far the only thing she had learned was that she had a lot of ground to cover.
Carmen spent their entire first session going over Tessa’s Green Sheets. Every single line became a short conversation that involved relentless probing (Carmen), massive embarrassment (Tessa) and, occasionally, an epiphany (Tessa). The pattern sounded like:
Carmen: “You indicate that you are most comfortable with missionary position and least comfortable with…”
Tessa: “Everything else.”
Carmen: “And you’re happy with that?”
Tessa’s epiphany (one of many Ah Ha Moments): “Not really.”
Carmen relentlessly homed in on Tessa’s feelings about sex. They didn’t resolve anything, of course, not in one ninety minute session. But by the time Tessa left that first day, Carmen had a laundry list of topics for “further discussion.” The second session had whittled that laundry list down to core issues. “We’ll face an issue together until you identify and understand its root. Then you get to decide whether you want to modify your feelings and behaviors toward that issue, or keep it is as part of your sexual makeup,” Carmen had said. “You pick who you are, sexually. My job, and your field therapists’ job, is to help you become who you choose to be.”
Sounded about as easy as leaping tall buildings in a single bound, and yet here she was, ready to leap the tallest building she could imagine: the building called Tessa.
She rang the intercom.
“Hi Diane. It’s me, Tessa. Here for my 5:00 appointment with Carmen.”
“Hi Tessa. Come on in.” Diane buzzed her in, and Tessa stepped through the door.
Tessa and Diane exchanged pleasantries and Tessa seated herself in the waiting room. Five minutes later, Carmen retrieved her for their session. She pointed at the small table with hot tea and chilled bottled water. “You’ll want some tea or water, Tessa. It’s going to be a great session today.”
Carmen’s way of saying ‘fasten your safety belt; we’re in for a rough landing.’
And boy, was it.
***
LATE OCTOBER
“What’s that?” Carmen said, as Tessa pulled her hand from behind her back.
“Happy Halloween!” Tessa said, waving her hand like the Stars and Stripes at a 4th of July parade.
Carmen took a closer look at the bright orange satin string dangling from Tessa’s fingers and started to laugh. “That’s either the world’s sexiest shoestring or it’s a string of a different nature.”
Tessa giggled. “It’s my very first G String.”
“An A on your first homework assignment, then.”
The prior week, Carmen had given Tessa several tasks to accomplish before today’s session. The first was to walk into a sex shop and buy two ‘personal items.’ Fortunately, Carmen had given Tessa a list of upscale shops that were, dare she say, wholesome. The sales clerk that helped Tessa, in a soft cashmere sweater and a string of creamy white pearls, looked more librarian than lap dancer and her demeanor was overtly matter-of-fact, as if choosing a vibrator was really no different that selecting a new hair drier. Tessa was sure she had turned beet red—her face felt as hot as a fireplace ember—but she stayed with the clerk as the woman demonstrated various devices on her own forearm. Tessa left the shop with a top of the line Lelo, so sleek and refined she’d never have guessed the device’s function without proper tutelage. And because it was October, Tessa also picked up a bright orange G String, which she proudly dangled in front of Carmen now.