I awoke to a noise from outside his window, and I saw him kissing Lisa goodbye. My world came crashing down around me. He always told me that he would make me his as soon as I was old enough, and that we would get married and never be apart, but if I had to wait, why couldn’t he? I despised Lisa and every touch she got that I didn’t. My soul cried every time she spoke about him in the locker room or in the lunch hall. It felt like a betrayal that he went to her. Why did he do that if he didn’t love her?
I swiped the tears soaking my cheeks and waited for him to come up to his room. It was ten minutes before he appeared. I startled him and he stumbled a little and looked around his room and then to the window sheepishly.
“Alex, what are you doing in here?”
“Waiting for you,” I croaked out. Anger and irrational thoughts churned inside me. “I love you,” I spat out into the room, and nervously stepped from foot to foot while playing with a loose piece of thread dangling from my shirt. “I loved you the first time I saw you, and you know I do. You promised me that you’ll marry me, and you think I’m a little girl who will be content with that. Well, guess what, Dalton Moore? I’m not.”
His eyes grew wide at my words and he walked closer to me, warning me to quiet down with hand gestures and frantic head nodding towards his bedroom door but I was too mad to listen to him.
“I hate Lisa. I hate that you do things with her. I hate that she talks about it all around school. I hate that you tell me I’m special and that we will be together one day, but all the time you’re with her and I’m alone.”
“You’re only fourteen, Alex. Your brother would never let us be together.”
“Well, maybe he doesn’t get a say, Dalton. Or maybe you never meant those things you said, and really you just don’t want to hurt your best friend’s sister who is crushing on you.”
“Now you’re talking crazy and you know it. If you were just a little older… It’s so hard for me, Alex. Your brother wouldn’t understand, and your parents, God… your Dad would arrest me!”
“Now who’s talking crazy? Maybe I am a little young. Maybe I should date boys my own age,” I teased, to see if I could gage a reaction. He stood silent and still so I pushed a little more. “Jordon Reese told me he wanted to give me my first kiss today, and asked if I would go out with him this weekend.” It was the truth. Jordon was new and didn’t know my brother…yet.
Dalton’s heavy footfalls stomped across his room until he stood a fraction away from me. His large hands encased my face. His eyes were heavy-lidded and there was a mist in them, highlighting the powerful blue. “I’ll be your first kiss. Your first everything. Please, Alex. Just wait for me.”
I felt his plea through the intensity of his gaze. I dropped my tone so he knew I was more sad than angry. “I’m done waiting while watching you do it without me.”
His forehead came down to rest against mine and he closed his eyes and inhaled heavily.
“I love you too. Since the first day I saw you.” His lips smoothed over mine, eliciting a small gasp of surprise. His mouth slowly coaxed mine to open and his warm tongue slid delicately into my mouth. It was weird, warm and soft, but as his tongue pushed firmer against my lips, my own joined his to form a dance, and it felt incredible. When he eventually pulled away I groaned in disappointment.
“That’s all I can give you for now. That, and a promise that I’m done with Lisa and any other girl. You will wait for me and I’ll wait for you, and as soon as you’re old enough we will be together.” A sigh of relief pushed past my lips and I willed the tears threatening to fall to dissipate.
And I did wait, and he gave me all my firsts. He was the first person to make love to me, and the first person to break my heart.
I dream about her scent on my pillows, her soft innocent laughter echoing through my room as I tickle her supple body into submission. Sweet, innocent, faithful Alex.
That person doesn’t really exist, yet she’s more real in my dreams than she is here. People always try to tell me how to act, how I should feel, what revenge I need to take, but they don’t know what it was like for me. They’re not me and I’m not them, or at least, I wasn’t. All I ever wanted was to get out of this town and shed the family name which is more a curse then an inheritance. Instead, here I am, the exact thing I promised myself I’d never be, and that makes my blood run cold.
My soul had floated above my body, looking in at a scene but not really being a part of it when the commotion in the bar broke out. I didn’t expect to see her back here, but there she was, sprawled out on the floor like she just fell from a forbidden apple tree. She was different but the same all in one glance… if that’s even possible.
She’s grown. Damn, she’s grown, but her eyes and lips still hold the traits of the young girl I fell in love with. She does this thing where, when she smiles, it’s like she can smile with her whole face. It reaches her eyes; they do this glistening, sparkling shit that grips me by the balls and turns me into her bitch. I’m not that boy anymore.
Reality hit me full force when I came back to myself. My feet had carried me to her. What a fucking bitch. How dare she come back here and into my bar?
Her hair lay fanned around her delicately curved facial features. She now has blonde streaks, making her dark brown eyes appear even darker. She whimpered as I dragged her to her feet, but fuck, I couldn’t, no, I wouldn’t act weak just because it was her, and seeing her for the first time came with a feeling of such intense shock my whole body lit up with nervous energy, making it hard to focus. I’d imagined seeing her again over and over, but nothing could have prepared me for that look in her eye. Love, regret, guilt? Fuck her!
Her face was pale with tears threatening, her long eyelashes making them appear unnatural. They were so incredibly long and she has a way of batting them, making her seem innocent, but she’s anything but.
She rose quickly to her feet with my hand tightening around her arm. Her tits have definitely grown with her. They bounced slightly as she moved, and despite my bitter feelings towards her, I’m a man - a man who knows what it’s like to be inside that tight little body. My balls tightened so painfully I had to bite the inside of my mouth to stop myself from licking my lips, or her face.
She has a slim waist which flares in to curvy hips and thighs that the jeans she wore hugged perfectly. Damn every inch of flesh that caressed those jeans.
Why did she have to come here looking fucking beautiful? To taunt me? Hadn’t I suffered enough?
It’s funny how one minute you have a million aspirations for your life, and the one person you want with you when you succeed is the one who broke everything, crushed your dreams, and ruined your life. I still hear her screams when I close my eyes. From the day I was dragged away because of her family… because of her.
I got her outside and shoved her towards the alley. I needed her gone. Her body collided with the wet asphalt but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t. Fuck her.
When Lisa appeared and lashed out, I wanted to knock her out and leave her out with the trash. She oversteps at every opportunity and thinks me fucking her is more than just that, but it isn’t. The only reason I fuck her is because Alex hated her all those years ago, so every time I thrust into her wet heat it’s a “fuck you” to Alex. Pathetic, like she’d even give a shit, but I feed from the small satisfactions I can get. Lisa also likes it hard and dirty, which is more to my tastes. I’m not one for intimacy. I fuck to relieve stress, and to feel anything but the darkening pit inside my gut swallowing more of me every day. Lisa likes to fuck too. She hasn’t changed over the years. She married the first prick who flashed his cash at her. It didn’t last long though. He used to go out of town for business, and it turned out he had a whole other life. She divorced him and fucked everything that moved as her way of getting back at him. She’s easy, and I’m all about easy these days.
So when she came out and planted herself in the dispute with Alex, it pissed me the fuck off.
Alex was soaking, and the blood on her face confused the boy and the man inside me. I didn’t like seeing her that way but I was so livid, and in the same breath turned on by the nipple showing through her wet clothes. She’s so fuckable. I had to convince myself hate-fucking her would give her pleasure too, and she doesn’t deserve any pleasure from me.
She got to her feet and unsteadily walked away.
I won’t worry about her. I won’t think about Jude kicking her stool out from under her and her head impacting the floor. I won’t think about Lisa’s boot connecting with her small, delicate jaw.
I won’t think about how I had no one growing up but her. She knew what I’d come from, lived through, and even knowing that she still betrayed me, hurt me… broke me.
My Dad was a violent criminal, my Mom a drug addict who would sell her body to the highest bidder, which included my father when he decided he wanted her back after kicking her out the week before.
One night when I was thirteen she was high and fell asleep with a cigarette lit. She nearly burned down our house with me asleep inside. Dad came home just in time to prevent it but his anger turned into a drunk-fueled rage. Momma never did know when to keep her mouth shut. I came out of my room to him shouting, and I watched from six feet away… too far to stop him as one closed fist to her fragile temple sent her to the floor in a heavy heap; lights out. I’d seen them fight so many times before, and Mom was as bad as Dad for the violence, but I knew this was different. She went down so limply, and my Dad’s face contorted in confusion. The girl he brought home with him dialed for an ambulance but Mom was pronounced dead at the scene.