“You know, you could have just knocked and asked me to keep it down.” His brow rose with a cocky charm. His eyes were a cinnamon chocolate color, cased in thick, dark lashes. He was fully dressed in jeans and a hoody with “4am wakeup call” slashed across the front.
“I didn’t think you’d hear me over the noise,” I all but growled at him.
“But hammering on the wall and shouting, and I quote, ‘Shut the hell up or I’m going to stick that guitar where the sun doesn’t shine, mister,’ you thought I’d hear just fine?”
I shrugged a shoulder, a little embarrassed at my actions and attire.
“Well, clearly you did.” A yawn erupted from my mouth at the end of my sentence, causing a chuckle to bubble up through his.
“Listen, I had no idea anyone had moved in here. I’ve been living here alone for months. I’ll keep the noise down if you promise to keep from ruining anymore pictures, deal?”
“Deal, and I’ll replace your frame.” I grabbed the picture from him and shut the door before he could react. I didn’t want him to think I was a bad neighbor, and I hated that I’d broken someone else’s property.
I replaced the frame the next day and left it for him outside his apartment so I didn’t have to see him again; I was still a little embarrassed. He thanked me by leaving a bottle of wine outside my door. I plucked up the courage to come out of my shell and knocked on his door to ask if he wanted to share a glass with me so we could have a fresh start. We became great friends and have been for years now, but as with most things, I had to go and mess it up. Everything is complicated now.
I’d let the grief of Dad’s passing overwhelm me. I gave in to the affection he’d shown me. We slept together and then I left to come straight here before talking about what happened. I was a selfish bitch. I know Leon has more than friendly feelings for me, and after seven years of not acting on them, he made a move when I was in a vulnerable state, and I scavenged for it like a starved-for-affection ho. Now things are awkward, or they will be when I have to talk to him next. The truth is I can’t be without him. He’s my rock and I need him. We need him so this is going to have to be handled delicately.
So you run away without speaking to him?
Damn, I hate my conscience.
This place is disgusting, I need to at least clean a bedroom and a bathroom before anything else, so I have somewhere to sleep and shower. Looking under the basin where cleaning supplies should be, I’m not surprised to find nothing but an old bucket and a plunger. I’ll have to go to the store, which, considering how hungry I am isn’t a bad thing.
As I leave the house, my feet still. Dalton’s old home directly opposite is in perfect view and memories threaten to rip my heart from my chest once again. The garden is kept tidy and groomed and the paintwork is fresh. The sight of the tall tree to the side of the house nearly makes my knees buckle.
“You can totally climb it, Alex. Be brave. I won’t let you fall.”
But he did let me fall. He let me fall in love, and although I was just a child in the eyes of my parents, I’ve never known a feeling like it since. It’s still there under all of the damage, thumping a soft thud, waiting to be awakened again.
I wonder who lives there now.
The drive into town is full of nostalgia. Everything is the same, but different in subtle ways. The car lot has a new name, and the cinema now stretches across two shop fronts instead of just one, but it’s still where I grew up. I can almost feel the fifteen-year-old me tearing out of my skin, asking for a do over. I hate living with regret, but I do, and it’s toxic inside me.
By the time I pull into the store parking lot, the sun is beginning to set, causing a warm orange glow to cast over the entire town. This time of night always reminds me of the long summer nights, riding our bikes and believing the world was made for us, and that dreams were free. Dreams are not free, and they cost us dearly.
I recognize the cashier as soon as I load my groceries onto the checkout counter. We went to school together. Lacy Holbrook - she was ditzy and fun in class, but we didn’t hang out much outside of school. She had a crush on Jonah, who embarrassed her at a party by letting her give him oral sex and then later that night, he slept with her best friend. She cried right in front of him and he cruelly laughed at her. He was so mean to girls. He used them freely because most offered themselves that way. He had no respect for girls apart from me, and that gave him a bad boy reputation, and me the reputation of the bad boy’s goody-two-shoes little sister. I didn’t date, not that I could have with Jonah as a brother, but it was because I was in love with Dalton. I didn’t have many people who really called me a friend, but Lacy, despite the way Jonah treated her, was nice to me and let me sit with her at lunch, and partner up with her for studying when the age barrier didn’t come in to play.
I don’t say anything because I’m a little embarrassed that she won’t recognize or remember me. I load everything into bags and wait for the total, and that’s when she looks up at me with a huge fuchsia-coated smile. Her jaw drops. “Oh my God, Alex!” She screeches, leaning over the counter to hug me. I welcome her affection and return it with my own hug. “I haven’t seen you around these parts for years. What are you doing here?”
“My Dad passed. I came to arrange things.” I can’t return her enthusiasm; the truth of why I’m here isn’t happy.
“Oh, darn. Sorry to hear that, sweetie. How long are you in town?”
I shrug and hand her some bills.
“I get off in an hour. Come grab some food with me?”
I’m starving and cooking isn’t something I feel like doing.
“Okay, sure.”
“Great! Meet me at Bernie’s diner in an hour.”
I unpack the few things I bought and start cleaning my old bathroom. Before I know it, the hour has flown by and I need to clean up before meeting Lacy. I dress casually and make sure I have some cash in my purse before taking off.
My stomach growls as I enter the diner, the aroma of fried food thick in the air - just what I need. I can’t remember the last time I ate so I order extra fries with my burger and onion rings to fill me for the night, and probably the start of tomorrow.
Lacy soon joins me, looking like she’s going to a nightclub not a diner.
“Did you go home?” I ask, looking her over and then down at myself. She’s wearing killer heels that would make my legs buckle, a mini skirt that - if she bent over - would make the old man staring at her stroke out, and a halter top that shows more cleavage than it covers up.
She waves her hand dismissively. “God, no. I keep this in my locker for special occasions.”
“I’m a special occasion?” I raise a brow, skeptical.
“Damn right you are! We’re going to catch up on all the years we missed together.”
“Okay. I just ordered.” I point to the waitress flitting from one table to the next.
“Not here, silly. I need tequila.” She grins, dragging me from my chair and out the door.
I’m starving and almost resort to grabbing onto the doorframe to prevent her getting me out without food inside me, but I could also use a drink, and maybe girl talk will make a nice change.
She drags me to Numbers; a bar that’s been in this town longer than both of us, only the name has changed. It used to be Mack’s Bar. I prop myself on the bar stool and take in the atmosphere. It looks completely different to how I remember it. Granted, I only ever saw inside through the windows, but still, the bar has undergone a major makeover. The new owners must have invested time and money into the place.
“So what are you having?”
“I’m driving so I’ll just stick to a white wine spritzer and then soft drinks,” I tell her.
She rolls her eyes at me. “I’ll get Mason to pick us up and drop you home. It’s your first night back, girl! Let’s celebrate.”
“Mason?”
“Mason Jones. You remember him, right?”
My eyes widen slightly. “The Mathlete?”
Mason was unfortunate in the looks department; he had fuzzy blond curly hair, thick-rimmed glasses, and braces to boot. His skin was covered in pimples and he spent most of his time locked in a classroom, studying. He was polite and a great kid, but if there was ever a cliché for geek, he was it.
“Yeah, that Mason. Well, he shed that whole ugly look and I bone him from time to time.” She shrugs like she just admitted to making him dinner.
She waves the bartender over with a come hither crook of her finger. He grins and nods his head towards her. “Hey, Lacy. What can I get you?”
“Tequila shots!”
“Who’s your new friend?” He gestures with a not-so-subtle nod.
She bounces in her seat and slaps her palm on the bar. If I didn’t know better I’d think she’d been here a while and was already intoxicated. “Not new, old. This is Alex Murphy. We were childhood friends.”
Before any of us can say anything else, the stool I’m sitting on gives way under the foot kicking the bottom of it out from under me. My arms flail, a startled scream wrenches from my chest, and my head hits the floor with a thud. I can’t focus on the man standing over me; my eyesight is blurred.