“Doc, I need to know if she’s going to be alright.”
There’s panic in my voice, my tone is low, and there’s a slight hiccup when I say alright.
Sweat begins to bead on my forehead and I sway slightly on my feet. Is it hot in here?
The doctor takes my arm and leads me over to the seat, guiding me down. I don’t feel like myself right now. I’m vulnerable and I think I’m in shock.
“The blunt force trauma caused a collapsed lung and bleeding into the chest. We had to go in surgically and repair the damage. She had a severe laceration on the right side of her head from an impact wound that caused swelling to the brain. We’re keeping her sedated for now to give her body time to heal itself. She has bruising to the chest and abdomen which was caused by the seat belt. Her nose is broken and she has lacerations from broken glass that will heal with minimal scarring.”
I want to fucking cry right now. A grown ass man who hasn’t had anything to do with this woman in ten long years, but the love I tried to bury under anger obliterates everything but the strength of my love for her and I came so fucking close to losing her. She’s broken right now, and it’s because I let my family think they can do what they want. I let them win. After everything I promised myself, everything I promised her, I did the exact opposite. My bar is used for cash drops. I deal the same drugs that got me put away in the first place. I’m a disgrace and I’m disappointed with myself.
“Can I see her?”
“She will be moved to a different room and then you can go in, but not for too long. It should only be family members.”
I want to roar that I am her family, that she’s the only real family I ever had, but I don’t. I tap down the despair and wait.
Thirty-six hours and she hasn’t moved. Not even a flicker - it’s torture. I won’t leave her side no matter how many times they tell me it’s just family who is allowed to stay here. Fuck that. Fuck them. She needs me, she has no one. I wonder about her Mom, and if I should call her, but I don’t know if the hospital has already done it. I see Six hovering by the door. He gestures with his head for me to step outside. Squeezing Alex’s hand, I untangle my fingers from hers and go to find out what information he has for me.
“You’re not going to like this,” he warns, but I already knew I wouldn’t. Nothing about this is okay. I don’t speak and just wait for him to continue.
“They have someone in custody.”
“Who?”
“A Lisa Marie.” My eyes close briefly, trying to make sense of it all. “It was her car that rammed Alex, and they are accusing her of cutting the brakes beforehand.”
This is because I told her I didn’t want her.
“I think your uncle more than likely planned for her to take the fall, Dalton. It was Timmy who arrested her and won’t let anyone else be there while interviewing her.”
I don’t need to know how he found out this inside information, I’m just pleased I have him on my side.
“Let her fucking rot.” I growl.
“What about your uncle?”
“He will get his,” I promise. And he will, I just need to figure out how and when.
“Have you seen Jude?”
“No, nothing.”
What the fuck is he up to?
Doctors walk into Alex’s room, gaining my full attention. I follow them in, panicking something’s wrong with her.
“What are you doing?” I demand.
“We’re going to slowly withdraw the medication keeping her asleep so she can wake up on her own.”
“How long it will be before she’s awake?”
“These things are unpredictable. She suffered substantial injuries, and her body needs time to recover. I know it’s not what you want to hear but you have to be patient.”
I run my hands through my hair and collapse back into the chair next to her, re-clasping our hands.
“I need you to wake up now, baby. I need you to open your eyes so I can look into them and tell you how fucking sorry I am. This was never supposed to be us. We were supposed to get out and live the dream. All I ever wanted was to run away with you. I wanted just me and you; it’s all I ever needed. I’ve felt like something has been missing inside me for years and I know it’s you. You’re what’s missing. You belong with me. You’re in my blood, written in my makeup. You were made to come find me and show me the beauty in the world because all I’d ever seen was the ugly, and I tainted that. I ruined us. I gave away my beauty, my chance, my soul mate because I was angry and hurt and young and fucking stupid. I’ll do better, I promise. I’m never going to be perfect, but I promise that every day I’ll show you how perfect you are to me.”
I swipe at the tears building in my eyes and swallow down the crippling thought that she may not forgive me for everything that’s happened and I may lose her.
“Mom,” a voice says from the door, and a boy runs into the room and stops at the other side of the bed I’m sitting on. His eyes well up and the tears trickle onto his pale cheeks.
My hand that isn’t clinging to Alex is wrapped around the arm of the chair so tight it loses feeling and becomes numb. He looks like me. How is that possible?
A man walks into the room and sighs in relief when he sees the boy, but as soon as his eyes trail up to Alex, he solidifies. I know that look in his eyes. He loves her. Is he with her? Is that boy theirs? Is she married and none of this has been real? No… no it is real. I felt it in her touch, in her eyes, and on her breath when she spoke.
“Who are you?” I ask with a little more venom then he deserves.
His head turns to look at me and then he zones in on my hand entwined with hers. He grabs at the boy, pulling him into him and squeezing his shoulders in a supportive, affectionate manner.
“Who the hell are you?” he replies and it holds the same venom mine did. Jealousy.
I release Alex’s hand and stand, reaching my hand out. “I’m Dalton. Dalton Moore. Alex and I go way back.”
I can tell by the way his eyes expand when I say my name that he already knows that.
“Dalton,” the kid says, staring up at me wide-eyed.
“Yeah, that’s right, little man. And who might you be?”
“I’m DJ.” He nods his head like that should mean something, and it does. It’s the name Alex was calling out for; the name she said belonged to our son. She did have a head injury; maybe she thought I was this guy, and God, does that drench me in pain. She has a kid with someone else. I was supposed to put babies in her belly, a ring on her finger, and a fucking smile to that beautiful face for the rest of her life.
“DJ,” he says again, nodding at me.
“That’s a great name, kid.”
He smiles up at me and then looks up at the guy yet to introduce himself. He’s glaring at me like I’m a piece of shit he stepped in on the way in. I glare right back because I’m a man, and jealous that this asshole even knows Alex, let alone shares shit with her that I don’t and maybe never will.
“Mom said you went away and didn’t come back,” the kid tells me, and I’m shocked that she told him anything about me. “Is she going to be okay? Did you come back because she got hurt?”
I can’t talk; I’m frozen, staring at the kid. Why do I feel like I know him? Like I should know him.
“How old are you?” I breathe.
The man bends down and whispers something in his ear and then rummages around for change in his pocket, giving it to the kid and gesturing for him to leave. I reach my hand out but I can’t speak.
“Does she know you’re here?”
He’s standing closer to me now and he looks pissed.
“How old is he?” I demand.
He squints, studying me. “Alex never kept that knowledge from you.”
“What fucking knowledge?”
A nurse rushes into the room and comes to stand in between us.
“I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you can’t keep the volume down,” she warns.
I hadn’t realized how loud my voice had become but there’s one shock after another and I feel like I’m grasping onto something only for it to disintegrate in my hands.
“I’m sorry,” I tell the nurse, and reassure her we’re good and won’t cause any trouble.
The kid comes back into the room and hands me a soda.
“Sorry it’s diet. Mom doesn’t like me having the full sugar stuff so I thought she wouldn’t want you having it either.” He shrugs and shuffles from foot to foot, looking down at the floor.
“How old are you?” I ask, and hold my breath while I wait for his answer.
He looks up and strokes his earlobe. “I’ll be ten next month.” He smiles at me and my knees buckle. I have to sit back in the chair so I don’t fall down. I reach for him and he comes willingly. I take him by the hands and study him. He looks so much like Alex, but like me too. It’s overwhelming. He’s mine. I have a son? His small hand pulls gently from mine, and as if in slow motion, his hand comes up to my face and swipes so tenderly under my eye, collecting a tear I didn’t know had fallen.
“Can I hug you?” I ask, feeling things I never knew existed. It’s automatic, the love you have for a child. My mind and soul rearrange everything inside and implant this little life’s heart inside my chest, and I never want to live without knowing this feeling. It’s magical. We created a life, a son. He’s me and Alex all wrapped in a perfect package. His arms reach up around my neck and his little body presses against mine, his head tucking under my chin. I never want to let go of him.