Tempting His Mate(20)

On instinct, he reached out and tugged her close. His inner wolf immediately calmed when she snuggled up against him, laying her head on his chest. She wrapped her arm around him and threw a leg over his middle as she plastered herself to him. With her petite frame she fit perfectly against him. Her lush breasts pressed into his side and he didn’t bother fighting his erection. If Ella was on him like this, he was going to be aroused, plain and simple.

“You’re the best pillow,” she murmured into his chest, her voice still raspy with sleep.

He chuckled lightly, stroking his hand up and down her spine. Holding her like this was surprisingly calming. Through her flimsy top, he could feel her heat. “I don’t know how to take that.”

“It’s definitely a compliment.”

His grip around her tightened. Asher wasn’t much of a talker, especially after living so long on his own. Yeah, he’d kept in contact with some of his cousins and had made a lot of friends over the decades, but opening up to people was foreign. Something told him that he needed to with Ella if he wanted to move things forward in their relationship. He wasn’t sure if the timing was right, but after what she’d told him about her sister and ex, he wanted to be open with her about his past. “A little over a hundred years ago I was mated, but she was killed,” he said bluntly, needing to get it out there. Remembering hurt, but this was something he had to tell Ella.

Ella went completely still against him, but finally spoke. “I’m so sorry, Asher…Is it okay if I ask what happened?” Her breath was warm against his chest.

His throat tightened for a moment, but he pushed past it. It had been a long time ago and he’d come to terms with his loss years before. As well as anyone could. But he’d never thought he’d be interested in another female for something long term. Not until he’d met Ella. It was like his wolf had woken from a century long coma. “We hadn’t been mated long, we were both pretty young and…” Damn it, maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up now.

Ella stroked a hand down his chest before raising her head to look at him. In the dimness he could see the kindness shining from her dark eyes. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to.” And he did. The realization jarred him. He wanted to tell her. Wanted her to know everything about his past. “We were up north then, around Montana, roaming the mountains one winter. I’d joined up with her pack after we mated and we were living there. Anyway, we came upon a few jaguars. They’re rare that far north, even shifters, and I still don’t know what the hell they were doing on her pack’s land. One had gone feral and…” He shook his head and glanced away, unable to meet her gaze. Every time he thought of the way he’d failed his mate, shame filled him.

Ella laid her head back down on his chest and for that he was grateful. He started stroking down her spine again. “Two of them rushed me. I managed to kill them, but by the time I was done the feral one had killed her. I…put him down too, but it was too late.” He closed his eyes, but it didn’t do much to dull the memories.

“I’m sorry, Asher,” she whispered, the sincerity in her voice wrapping around him with warmth. “Do you…has that affected your view on jaguar shifters?” she asked carefully.

He understood what she was tiptoeing around and automatically tightened his grip. “No. I was angry for a long time, but I never hated all jaguar shifters because of what a few did.” That kind of thinking was just ignorant and he’d never allowed himself to get sucked into that darkness. That kind of hate would have eaten him alive.

Ella slightly relaxed. “Is that why you’ve been a lone wolf for so long?”

He nodded, his chin brushing against the top of her head. “Yeah, I was so ashamed—”

Her head popped up at that, her expression surprised. “Ashamed?”

“I couldn’t protect her. It was my fault.” God, he’d been too young, too weak, a failure. It was part of the reason he’d gone into the military, to train himself so that he’d never fail his loved ones again. All those fucking insecurities surged back up after years of keeping them locked down. The thought of something happening to Ella made him go cold, the iciness cutting him bone deep.

“Did her pack blame you?” There was an unexpected bite of anger to her question.

Surprised, he shook his head. “No.” There had been no blame or rage from them. But he wished they had blamed him. Unable to take their pitying looks, he’d left and had never stopped roaming. Until now.