“Alyssa, come back and talk to me. Or tell me where you are, and I’ll come to you,” he said. “We’ll go wherever you want, but don’t leave things unfinished like this.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Dillon. I love you, but…” She took a deep breath and told herself to spit it out. “I’m not in love with you.” Damn it. Her voice held all the conviction of a woman telling a Girl Scout she didn’t want any Thin Mints.
“Bullshit.”
Her spine straightened and feathers ruffled. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he said, his voice now gravelly with obvious vexation. Then, as though guided by an unseen force, Dillon swung his gaze up to where she stood on the balcony. She sucked in a breath and grabbed hold of the banister for support. His heavy gaze reminded her of the weight of his muscular body pressing her into the mattress. The dichotomic sensations of imprisonment and liberation, of wanting to be free, yet never wanting to leave.
“You can lie all you want, Aly, but I saw it.”
She swallowed hard and prayed her voice came through. “Saw what?” she barely whispered.
“The love in your eyes. And not the love-you-as-a-friend kind, but the soul-deep kind that I feel for you. I saw it this afternoon as you straddled me in that chair. As we stared into each other’s eyes and made love. As you came so hard that I followed you over that edge and thought I’d die from pleasure I’d never known, and yet all I could focus on was the love I saw in your eyes. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Aly.”
Tears welled up and spilled over her cheeks. They didn’t even have the decency to wait for her to blink first. The frustration at her lack of control leaked into her tone. “Even if that were true, it still doesn’t justify you wanting to go from friends to engaged in less than a day.”
“Why, because I’ve never had a steady girlfriend? Or because polite society expects us to follow some approved time line for dating? Screw that and screw anyone who criticizes us. We don’t need to justify our actions to anyone but ourselves.” He laid his hand over his heart. “I would marry you tonight if I thought for one second you’d agree to it. Because I already know there will never be anyone else I love as deeply as I do you.”
“Oh my God,” she whispered in half panic, half plea. He didn’t understand she wasn’t afraid to marry him, she was afraid of him leaving her if she did. “Dillon, this is too much. You and I both know you’ll never settle down with one woman,” her voice broke, “and I wouldn’t survive it if you left.”
“I would never leave you, Alyssa. Don’t you get it?” His tone implored her to believe him. “Baby, we’ve been married since I was eight and you were six and I punched Bobby Fletcher for making fun of you, and you looked at me like I’d slayed all your dragons, making me feel ten feet tall. I just never got around to giving you a ring.”
Oh, God, he was killing her. He held her gaze and didn’t let it go. Pain lanced through her lower lip from where her teeth pinned the soft flesh.
Dillon dragged a hand over his face as his frustrated sigh traveled to her through the airwaves. “But this isn’t about the proposal or engagement, is it, Alyssa? The real issue is that you can’t bring yourself to want a relationship with me at all.”
“This has nothing to do with you, Dillon. Why can’t you understand that? We have too much against us. Both of our fathers, the Miller curse, the probability of—”
“This isn’t about hereditary traits, bullshit curses, or math equations, Aly. It’s love. You’re either in it, or you aren’t. If you are, then it’s as simple as getting what you put into it. And I plan on putting everything I have and more into this thing.”
Lifting a shoulder in a helpless shrug, she said, “I’m scared.” She hated that her voice trembled.
“You think I’m not? After telling myself my whole life that I wasn’t the type of guy to stick around, I’m handing you my heart on a silver platter to do what you want with it. Because I realized today that no matter what, it’ll only ever be yours, Aly.”
Damn it, why did he have to make so much sense? Why did he have to say all the right things to make her forget what logic and common sense told her? She wanted to say yes. She wanted to tell him that nothing would make her happier than to continue things as they’d been for the last twenty-four hours.
Maybe if they talked some more she could work through her fears and they could see where things went from there. Try having that relationship she’d dreamed of having with him for the last several years.