What was happening between them? And what did she want to happen? She shifted out of his way, placing her elbows onto the table to put some space between them. He sat beside her though, and there was no escaping his presence. For he was big, and burly; strong and with the gravitational pull of a moon. She ground her teeth together and desperately tried to ignore the rush of need that was spreading through her body.
“This looks amazing,” Anna said with a smile, using tongs to place some fried chicken first on her plate, and then on Isaac’s. She passed the tongs to Willow, and Willow dutifully pressed a wing onto her plate. But her appetite had diminished completely.
“Any word on Annabeth?” Matt asked Isaac, while beneath the table, his knee brushed against Willow’s.
“Nothing.” Isaac grimaced. “I don’t know how the hell a four year old can disappear into thin air like that, but she seems to have. For the moment.”
“What does that mean?” Willow asked, leaning forward unconsciously. “Does that make you suspect foul play over her just wandering off?”
He compressed his lips. “It’s impossible for her to have left the campsite.” He dragged a hand through his hair, and beneath his eyes, he had dark purple smudges. “Our first theory was that she’d gone sleep-walking. Apparently she has a habit of doing that, so on day one, we searched the area thoroughly, believing she might have just wandered off in the middle of the night.”
“And you know now that she didn’t?” Willow pressed, her heart heavy for the girl.
“Yeah. There’s no way she could have been missed in the search we’ve conducted.” He expelled an angry breath. “Her mom described her as a ‘super fish’. Apparently not a day goes by when she isn’t paddling in their pool. We’ve checked the water courses. I mean, that would make sense right? But there’s no sign of her.” His frown deepened and his eyes clouded over. It was obvious that his mind was flicking through the case file. “She was wearing her favourite pyjamas and a green beanie. So she’s either still wearing them, or they’re somewhere. But where? Not even a snag of fabric has been found in the bush, which there would have been if she’d wandered off in the middle of the night.” He shook his head from side to side. “I will never stop looking for her.”
Anna squeezed his hand. “You’ll find her, honey.”
“I will,” he agreed, and there was such a tone of fierce determination in his voice that no one present doubted it for a second.
Anna, aiming to lighten the mood, made a sound of delight as she tasted the chicken. “This is too good, Matt.”
His smile was tight. His mind was singularly focussed on the woman to his left. He hadn’t felt such overwhelming need in a long time, if ever.
“Glad you like it,” he murmured quietly, reaching for his wine and sipping it contemplatively. Would a relationship with Willow be so very bad? His eyes drifted from her beautiful profile to the couple opposite. They were his dearest friends. They’d stuck with him over the years, and they were sticking by him now. How would they feel if he went after their next door neighbour and friend? It wasn’t like he could offer her anything serious or permanent. He was still technically married, and his life was on the East coast.
So what was he doing?
What did he want?
“Is it your mom’s recipe?” Anna asked, as she bit into another piece of chicken with a groan of pleasure.
“Meghan’s mom’s,” he responded with a distracted shake of his head.
But something made Willow’s instincts click into gear. “Well, your mother in law is one heck of a cook,” Anna responded with a smile, tucking into another piece of the crispy meat.
Willow had a sense of blinding panic. She felt like she’d been whacked in the solar plexus. Mother in law? He was married? Her heart turned over, but outwardly, she retained a veneer of calm. Though it cost her dearly, she managed to lift her fork to her lips, and even to chew the mouthful of food.
Married!
How had she been so stupid? Twice?!
At least this time, she’d stopped herself before it was too late.
Only she hadn’t. If Matt had kissed her out on the deck, she would have kissed him right back.
She closed her eyes, her dark lashes fanning against her honey skin. Still, she chewed. She even managed to pretend an interest in the conversation that was swirling around her. But inside, she was numb.
As soon as they’d finished eating, she pushed back her chair and lifted her plate. “That really was delicious, but I have to get home now.”
Matt’s expression was rich with interest, but Willow didn’t so much as look in his vicinity.
“Deadline?” Anna clucked sympathetically, lifting the remaining dinner plates and circling the table.
“Something like that,” she said with a shrug, encompassing Isaac and Matt in one short nod. “Good night.”
She wanted to get out of there as quickly as she could, but once she and Anna were in the privacy of the kitchen, a sixth sense made her linger a little. She placed her dish into the machine, then looked at her best friend with undisguised curiosity. “Are you okay, Anna? You seemed a little distracted earlier.”
Anna’s face was pale, as her eyes flew to the dining table.
“I’m fine.” She shook her head slowly from side to side. “That’s a lie. I’m not fine.”
Willow frowned. “What is it?”
Anna’s eyes were moist, and she lifted her fingers to the lashes and blotted them. “Nothing. I’m being silly.” She bit down on her lip. “It’s just this baby stuff.”
Willow’s expression resonated with sympathy. “Has something happened?”
Anna nodded, aiming for stoicism and falling just short. “Just another month with no baby.” She arranged her features into a thick smile. “But I can’t… I just can’t talk about it. It’s so hard to come to terms with the idea that this might not happen for us. I’ve known I wanted to be a mom since I was a kindergartener.” Anna bit down on her lip, and mentally tried to pull herself back together. “You sure you won’t stay for coffee?”
Willow shook her head, and squeezed her friend’s arm comfortingly. They’d had this conversation so many times, but with every month that passed, it got harder and harder to know what to say. If there was any way people could fall pregnant based on their suitability to parent, Anna would have been a mother ten times over. “We don’t have to talk about it, but we can, if you want to.”
Anna shook her head. “There’s no point.” The hopelessness in her tone almost broke Willow’s heart.
“Well, let’s catch up soon though. Just the two of us.”
Again, Anna flashed an overbright smile that spoke of a deeper inner-sadness more than any howling burst of tears could have. “Sounds good.”
Despite the fact that Anna was clearly suffering, Willow was relieved as heck to escape Number Eleven. She shut her own front door gratefully and reclined against it. She felt a huge pity for Anna and Ike. And she would focus on that another time. But in that moment, her own emotional drama was making it hard to concentrate on anything else. Her eyes drooped shut.
Married.
And unfortunately for Willow, this sense of pain was not a new one. The certainty that she’d been desiring another woman’s husband. And now, as then, it filled her stomach with lead-like gravel. Like the silly, naïve child she’d been years earlier, she had let herself get swept away in the romance of how simply gorgeous Mattias McCain was.
She groaned, and pushed off the door, just as it reverberated with a resonant, persistent thud.
And her heart answered. Oh, her heart. It beat in time with the door, heavy and expectant in her chest.
Her heart didn’t seem to understand that some doors were better left closed.
CHAPTER FOUR
“What do you want?” She demanded. She didn’t need to see who was standing there. She just knew. Of course it was Mattias.
He pushed past her, into her home. It was the first time he’d been properly inside, and he took a moment to take stock of the hallway, and beyond it, the lounge.
“I need to talk to you,” he said seriously, his face intense, his eyes wary as they scanned her expression.
Willow frowned, and her heart raced inside her chest. “Why?” She closed the door behind her, and brushed past him, moving to the lounge. He caught her hand as she walked past, holding it in his and rubbing a thumb along her knuckles. Willow’s body reverberated in responsiveness, but she refused to acknowledge it. She pulled her hand free, and clasped it behind her back.
His intense stare didn’t shift from her face. “Because you stormed out of next door before I could talk to you.”
She straightened her spine. “Talk about what?” She challenged, though she knew, of course.
“About what got you so steamed up.”
A beat passed. An intense, throbbing beat of awareness. “Are you married, Matt?”
His blue eyes searched her face, his expression unreadable. “Yes,” he admitted thickly. “But we’re separated. And in the process of divorcing.”
Willow felt a wave of pain, but she tried to disguise it. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”