Tempted by Her Innocent Kiss(70)
Ashley smiled her thanks and allowed Devon to lead her away. For the next hour, she smiled and quietly listened as Devon introduced her around and discussed things she had no clue about. But she pretended interest and glued herself to his every word, nodding when she thought it was appropriate.
Her headache had worked itself down her neck until it hurt to even move it. Her cheeks ached from the permanent smile and her feet were killing her.
The old Ashley would have kicked off her shoes, pulled her hair down and found someone to talk with about things she understood. Finding or starting conversation was never difficult for her.
The new Ashley was going to survive this night even if it killed her.
Devon seemed appreciative of her effort. He’d told her she looked beautiful and he’d smiled at her often as he took her from group to group. Maybe she had imagined it or maybe it was wishful thinking on her part but she’d sworn she saw pride reflected in those golden eyes of his.
“Stay right here,” Devon said as he parked her on the perimeter of the makeshift dance floor. “I have to find your father. He’s announcing his retirement tonight.”
She nodded and dutifully stood where he’d left her even though her feet were about to throb right off her legs and her head hurt so bad her vision was fuzzing.
She was careful to wear a smile and not let her discomfort show. Instead she turned her thoughts to the possibility of her being pregnant.
It was true she’d lived the past week in denial. She hadn’t entertained the thought. Hadn’t wanted to think about it because if she acknowledged the possibility, then she had to consider the reality of her marriage and whether she was ready to bring a child into such uncertainty.
The previous night with Devon had been… Her smile faltered and she quickly recovered. It had been wonderful. But what was it exactly? Sex? Lust? It couldn’t be considered making love. Not when he didn’t love her.
He’d been exceedingly tender. She was still embarrassed that she’d lost control of her emotions and cried in front of him. It felt manipulative and she still worried that the only reason he’d had sex with her was because she’d been upset and he wanted to comfort her.
He’d left for work this morning before she’d awakened. She’d overslept—another reason she suspected she was pregnant. She was so tired that some days it was all she could do to remain upright. Twice she’d succumbed to the urge to take a nap simply because she would have lapsed into unconsciousness otherwise.
So she hadn’t been able to gauge his mood after they had sex. She had no idea if it changed anything or nothing at all. And she hated the uncertainty. Hated not knowing her place in the world or in this relationship.
Devon had been good to her. He’d been kind. But she didn’t want good or kind. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her because he’d broken her heart. She wanted his love.
She could feel the anxiety and rush of anger and confusion crawling over her skin, tightening and heating until the sensation reached her cheeks. She curled and uncurled her fingers at her sides, the only outward reaction she’d allow herself as she sought to calm the turmoil wreaking havoc with her mind.
Maybe it was best she didn’t dwell on her possible pregnancy. She was already uptight enough without causing herself full-scale panic.
Her father stepped up onto the elevated platform along with Devon. Ashley’s mom stood—just as she always had—by her husband’s side. But Devon hadn’t wanted Ashley there. He’d wanted her here. All the way across the floor from him. She didn’t know if there was any significance to that. Her ego was bruised enough to conjure all sorts of pathetic scenarios that spiked the self-pity meter.