“So pushy. Maybe I should let you sit and squirm a little bit longer.” He teases as he grabs the guitar from behind him.
Climbing up onto my knees, I get comfortable while Jordon strums his fingers over the cords, getting his guitar perfectly in tune.
“You know you wouldn’t have me any other way.” Leaning down I kiss Jordon on the neck and playfully bite down on it. I charmingly whispering in his ear, “Watching you strum that guitar is really turning me on.”
“Fuck…how the hell am I going to focus when you’re saying shit like that to me. I’m nervous enough as it is.” He huffs out as he adjusts himself.
“Sorry. You said it yourself…magic fingers. They’re my kryptonite.” I say seductively, eyeing his hand that’s resting against the guitar.
“Well as soon as these magic fingers of mine are through playing this guitar, they’re going to play you. So sit back, relax and enjoy my last surprise.”
I’m so anxious I wouldn’t be surprised if I chew a hole in my cheek by the time Jordon finishes his song. Closing his eyes, I watch as he gets lost in the melody he’s strumming, and my excitement mixed with my nervousness has me on the edge of my seat.
“I am still working on it but this is what I’ve written so far. I figured tonight was the perfect night to play it for you.”
I nod my head, because I can’t speak. I’m afraid to say anything as I try to prepare myself for another emotional breakdown. Just the melody alone is wearing me down.
It’s dark, edgy and beautiful. I imagine this is how Jordon sees me.
Beautiful girl with the world at her feet
What others don’t see is the pain that she keeps
Her life is full of sadness and tears
All I want to do is help her move past those painful years
*
She’s crying out for someone to care
Anyone to notice the beautiful girl that got lost somewhere
In a land full of darkness that’s lonely and cruel
Before the pain of life becomes too much to bare.
*
She captivates me, burying herself deep inside my thoughts
This girl’s consuming me, mind, body and soul
Behind her tears is a girl with a smile so bright
Awakening my heart, making it take flight.
*
She’s crying out for someone to care
Anyone to notice the beautiful girl that got lost somewhere
In a land full of darkness that’s lonely and cruel
Before the pain of life becomes too much to bare.
*
When the sea of sadness
Is pulling you under
Reach out to me, because I’ll always save you
Beneath those tears, is the most beautiful girl
Who has become my entire world.
*
One by one the tears fall down my face as Jordon’s beautiful husky voice sings to me with so much feeling. The passion in his words is all-consuming.
His words flow out of him and caress my ears, evoking emotions inside of me I haven’t felt in eight years. I watch as Jordon strips himself bare before me, exposing to me his true affections.
Reaching out, I touch his cheek not bothering to wipe the tears from mine. Speaking to him with my eyes are the words I can’t seem to say aloud.
I’m falling for this man. It’s dangerous and unfamiliar. The small voice in the back of my head is screaming at me to run and never look back. It keeps reminding me that I’m setting myself up for the chance to get hurt again, but my heart over powers my fears as it tells me give him a chance.
Jordon is worth the risk.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified, but I feel ready to take that leap, and see where things with Jordon may lead.
“That was beautiful.” I finally say between sobs as I slide my fingers into his hair and smile through my tears.
Setting the guitar down, he reaches out and pulls me onto his lap. Holding me tightly against him and burying his face in my neck he says, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Brittan. I thought sharing that song would be better than any chocolates, flowers or jewelry. I sang to you everything I feel, and I know you’re scared but you’re worth it to me. I’ll wait as long as it takes, Brittan, until you feel ready; because you’re worth waiting for.”
I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and allow my tears to fall freely. For once, I’m not crying because I’m consumed with overwhelming grief; I’m crying tears of happiness. No matter how fucked up I feel, Jordan sees me as something beautiful, and worth fighting for.
“I’m ready. It isn’t going to be easy, but I’m ready if you are.”
I never thought it was possible, but I feel a connection. A pull so strong to Jordon it’s impossible to ignore. Over the last five weeks, I’ve been trapped on a roller coaster of emotions, all because I was fighting so hard to resist the attraction between us. Only after I gave in did I feel truly alive and as if I was finally healing and moving on from the loss of Cane.