His words hit me hard and send me off balance.
“What the hell just happened?” I ask Roxie as I plop down on the outdoor lounge.
Roxie glances over her shoulder towards Jordon and our bandmates with their lady friends for the night. They’re busy setting up my outdoor pool table. I can’t take my eyes off of him. His words keep bouncing around in my head
Leaning back on her hands, Roxie gives me a knowing smile, “Girl, don’t act like you don’t know. That guy is so into you it’s as if he’s walking around with neon lights across his forehead that say I want to be with Brittan. You need to stop living life with your blinders on and open your damn eyes. For the first time since Cane, you have a chance to be happy.”
Shaking my head, I rub my hands over my face and let out a long sigh, “This is all just happening too fast. The two of us together,” I say waving my hands between Jordon and me, “spells disaster! We’re touring together. What if something happens and he decides he doesn’t want me anymore. I can’t risk having us at each other’s throats for the remainder of this tour, and then possibly a European one too!”
Sadness momentarily consumes Roxie’s face before a small smile curls up at the corners of her lips. Pressing her hand over mine, she looks from me back out to the ocean.
“You should know better than anyone Brittan that life is too short. We’re never promised tomorrow. I think you will forever wonder what if after this tour ends if you never give Jordon a chance.”
“I know that! I tell myself this every day. I just I don’t think it’s fair for Jordon to be with a woman who buried her heart the same day she buried her fiancé. He deserves someone who can give him their entire heart and love him unconditionally. I just don’t think I can do that. I already had my one true love, my soul mate, and he’s gone. God doesn’t give you two; that’s why it’s called one true love, Roxie.”
Blowing a puff of air out between her firmly pressed lips, Roxie snaps her head at me so fast I think I just got whiplash!
“BULLSHIT!” Roxie growls at me as she furrows her brows; her eyes burn into mine making me fidget where I sit.
“What?!” I shout a little louder than I want, causing everyone to turn their attention towards us for a second before returning their focus back to the game of pool going on between Beyond Redemption and Tempting Tomorrow.
It looks intense but not as intense as the conversation going on between us at the moment.
Setting her drink down, Roxie rests her hands on her hips and glares at me, “You know what. I’m calling this whole reasoning pure and utter bullshit!” Snapping her head towards Jordon she says, “I think he could be perfect for you, and you are refusing to even give him a chance.”
“It’s not bullshit and you know it. I’m doing Jordon a favor by keeping this thing between us uncomplicated. One day he’ll find a girl who he can fall in love with and who will be able to love him back. But that girl is not me. End of discussion.”
Roxie rolls her eyes and lets out an aggravated moan. Sitting down beside me, she gulps down the rest of her beer before turning her eyes onto me.
She looks pissed. Actually, past pissed. My best friend looks like she’s about to reenact the scene from the Exorcist and have her head start spinning around on her God damn shoulders.
“You seriously can drive me insane. Why the hell are you so fucking stubborn?! This is not what Cane would want for you. The idea that you can only love one man is ridiculous. Jordon likes you; anyone can see that. You’re pushing away the only guy I’ve ever seen give you that spark in your eye when you’re around him, besides Cane. It’s sad…truly sad, Brittan.”
Before I can say anything and respond to what my best friend has just said to me, she stands up and walks over to where everyone is partying.
Here I sit with my jaw on the ground, trying to wrap my head around the total bitch slap of words Roxie just hit me with.
Needing to get some space from everyone to try and clear my head, I go inside to get another beer before heading down to the beach to think.
I can barely think straight with all the voices bouncing around inside my head right now. I feel like my head is too full of everyone else’s thoughts, and I can’t hear my own opinion on the matter.
Stepping into my living room my feet feel like they’re stuck in quicksand. My eyes are glued on the image before me: Two women who came here with the guys from backstage are kneeling on my living room floor doing rails of coke.
Seriously! They brought drugs into my fucking house.
The urge to kick both their asses out of my house and then do the coke they have cut for themselves is overwhelming.