Brittan stares at me for a few beats before falling back in defeat against the seat. “Whatever. I suppose this bus is big enough for the two of us. It gets pretty fucking boring sitting around here by myself while we’re driving. And for your other question…No, that was the last of my stash. There are no drugs, whatsoever, on this bus.”
I am a fucking genius.
Now that’s what I call successfully thinking on your toes. I get to spend the next five and a half months living on this luxurious bus and hopefully spend the nights in Brittan’s bed doing more than just sleeping.
I flash Brittan my best panty dropping grin and ask, “So, where will I be sleeping?” As I roam my eyes around the bus before settling back on her.
Laughing, Brittan practically spits her latte across the table at me, “You will be enjoying your evenings anywhere you want…but not in my bed.”
I can’t help but be the one laughing now.
“We’ll see about that.”
Tempt Me
Brittan
I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to allow Jordon to move onto my tour bus. This spells disaster for me in big bold freaking letters!
I don’t know what he told his bandmates, but I bet it went something like, “Yeah¸ Brittan is addicted to my cock, so she wants me on her tour bus as her personal sex slave.”
Men.
Total douches.
I am grateful my slip up isn’t ending with my ass back in rehab. I was beyond stupid last night getting high, but hopefully with Jordon around he’ll help me stay on track and regain my strength to stay sober.
To be sober, you have to want it. I know I need to stay away from coke, but the cravings can become overwhelming. The only way I can stay clean is by wanting it more than I want anything else, even music. I truly want to be the girl I was before addiction took over my life.
I’m trying to block out the major meltdown and the overwhelming feelings that consumed every inch of my body as Jordon held me while we slept last night. The dream I had of Cane was so vivid that it just keeps replaying in my head today.
My band members will be happy because my creative juices are flowing, and I have been inspired from all the shit I’ve been dealing with lately. My notebook is now full of new lyrics. Last night alone I wrote four songs that I think will blow them away.
I have my iPod on full blast as I scribble new lyrics in my notebook. I’m trying to distract myself from my thoughts that keep wondering back to Jordon. It’s not easy to do when he’s sitting on the couch across from me playing video games.
We’re on the road heading from Phoenix to Salt Lake City, Utah. Our next show is there in two days. It’ll be nice to have some down time before our next concert. Staying at a hotel will be fantastic; I am sick of staring at the walls of this bus.
Plus some distance between Jordon and I will be good.
I feel like any second my body is going to overpower my brain and pounce on Jordon. We’ve spent the entire day trying to ignore the sexual tension brewing between us, but it’s beginning to become impossible.
I walked into the kitchen this morning and found him sitting at my table with breakfast and coffees, sporting the biggest smile as he raked his eyes over every inch of me. I was wearing only a t-shirt and boy shorts. Since then, I’ve felt this overwhelming feeling that when I’m around Jordon, I’m laid bare before him. He sees deep inside me, exposing everything about myself without speaking a damn word.
Flyleaf’s, Fire Fire is playing, and the beat is over taking me. It inspires me to write the next line of lyrics as they pour out of me. Ever since last night, I’ve had this song bouncing around inside my head about Jordon but I’ve struggled to get it out. Now after fighting with myself all day the lyrics are coming to me faster than I can write them down.
Eyes see straight into my soul,
Exposing all the secrets I try to hide,
What you don’t know is my sadness is like a poison,
As deadly as a loaded gun.
*
Save me from the evil inside of me,
Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
*
You see the real me I hide so deep,
Behind the fake smile are tears of pain,
Exposed to you I show my scars,
Pain locked behind steel bars.
*
Save me from the evil inside of me,
Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
*
Guilt is eating away at me,
I’m ashamed of what I’ve become,
Wounds wide open exposed to you,
For you, I try to become something new.
*
Save me from the evil inside of me,
Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
*
Save me from the evil inside of me,
Poison, poison destroying everything I see.
*
You see straight through the wall so high
I’m afraid of what you see (I’m ashamed of all my lies)