The shouting of ‘Hell yes! Fuck yeah!’ Make my ears ring; we’re in a pretty good sized night club, with about two hundred people in here. The screams echo around us continuously.
All the guys behind me yell out at the crowd getting them pumped up, while Holden shouts into his mic, “Why don’t y’all give our girl Brittan a proper welcome!”
The crowd is going crazy chanting, “Brittan…Brittan…Brittan!” I can’t stop grinning; my cheeks are starting to hurt! The excitement is intoxicating, and the show hasn’t even begun yet!
Shaking my head, I grip the mic stand, “Thanks! I am so excited to perform for y’all with these guys tonight!” Glancing over my shoulder, I signal to Casper that I’m ready, and as soon as he begins strumming the guitar to Flyleaf’s, Fully Alive, Nash joins in on drums followed by Levi and Holden on their guitars.
I let the music take over my body. Closing my eyes, I start singing and the words flow out smooth and effortless as every bit of nervousness seeps out of me, vanishing into the crowd. I feel at home up here, and never felt more alive than I do at this moment.
This is exactly where I belong.
January 11, 2006
“I swear that class was so boring, I almost resorted to taping my freaking eyelids open so that I wouldn’t fall asleep. Mr. Garrett’s voice is like that guy’s from the damn Visine commercials; I cannot wait to be done with his class.” I say dryly as Roxie, and I pull out of the Starbucks drive through.
Taking a sip from her Mocha Frappuccino, she nods her head in agreement. We are both in different majors but have the same calculus class.
“I pray to God I pass this damn class because I don’t think I can go through another semester listening to him go on and on for an hour.” Roxie says as she lets out an aggravated moan.
I mentally cringe as she mentions grades. I’m doing well in all my classes so far, but that one, I’ll be lucky if I pass. “I don’t even want to think about that right now. I say we just head back to my place and spend the rest of the day sitting out on my balcony drinking a bottle of wine and promise to not mention calculus for the remainder of the day!” I laugh as I pull onto my street.
Holding her hand up like a Boy Scout, Roxie laughs, “I swear to not mention Mr. Garrett for the remainder of the day, or I hope, this lifetime!”
Parking my car next to Cane’s Silverado, I grab my tote, slinging it over my shoulder and head towards my condo. It’s a gorgeous day today, so I’m ready to spend the afternoon chilling on the balcony, enjoying the warm ocean breeze.
Running up the stairs, I can hear Roxie bitching behind me, “Brittan seriously…ughh…wait up!” as I hear her heels click clacking up the stairs. She dresses to the nines every day for class because she does the college news for one of her journalism classes.
Laughing, I gaze down at her as I get to the top of the stairs of my condo. “That’s what you get for wearing heels to class, biotch!” She rolls her eyes at my sarcasm.
As soon as my feet hit the top of the stairs, they freeze as a cold chill settles over me, causing my entire body to go numb. My heart is beginning to race, feeling as if any second it’s going to burst out of my chest.
“What the hell!” Roxie yells as she crashes into the back of me and catches herself on the railing.
I can’t respond because my mouth won’t work. I’m frozen like a statue, and my throat has shriveled up making it physically impossible to form a single syllable.
Gripping my arms, Roxie physically moves me out of the way, stopping beside me. Her eyes search my face, “What’s wrong? You look like you just saw a fricking ghost or something.” Waving her hands in front of my face, she yells, “Brittan?”
I just start shaking my head no, as tears well up in my eyes. I try to swallow, but it feels like a golf ball is lodge in my throat. My eyes are locked on the two men standing by my door in military uniforms.
My worst nightmare is coming true.
Panicking, I release my grip on the iced coffee in my hand, and it crashes to the ground as my bag slips from my shoulder. Nothing moves me. Not the coffee on my feet, or the thud of my bag as it hits the wooden deck.
The next few minutes are a blur and go by as if I’m in a nightmare waiting to wake up. Roxie spots the two men that have me frozen in a world of panic, and takes my hand leading me down to my door. Each step feels like my feet have hundred pound weights on them.
I hear voices in my head screaming to turn around and run, never stop. If I don’t hear the words; they won’t make the reality real. I can live in a cocoon of false hope where my mind see’s Cane still in Iraq for his deployment.