But instead…he felt like utter shit.
After checking in and trudging to his room, Cooper sat on the edge of bed, yanked his collar loose, and flung his coat on the chair by the window. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to miss her already. Though he wasn’t experienced in matters of the heart, he had a sinking suspicion he knew what the aching emptiness inside of him meant.
He wanted more, too.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell. He stared at it, spinning it in his fingers as he debated his next move. He couldn’t be impetuous. He had to think things through. Examine all the puzzle pieces before trying to make them all fit. He already knew he couldn’t start something with Kayla and then leave. But there was one option he could take. One where he could be with her and this aching pain would go away.
It was time to call his dad.
His phone felt even heavier than the weight he carried around with him. The one that had dad etched permanently into it. In the month leading up to his interview, his father hadn’t wasted one day trying to shove that damn position down his throat. Every time Cooper mentioned the upcoming interview, his father left the room. He came up with excuses to not have to hear about the opportunity.
Cooper had been certain his father couldn’t stand being in the same room because he was disappointed in him for not staying in the Marines. That he couldn’t stand being around his failure of a son. The same son who’d let his best friend die.
But maybe that hadn’t been the case? Maybe he’d just wanted Cooper to take on his “life’s work,” as Kayla had called it. Maybe it was time they had a heart to heart.
He dialed before he could talk himself out of it, which would have been all too easy. On the second ring, someone picked up. “Hello?”
Cooper took a deep breath. “Hi, Mom. It’s me.”
“Hey!” A smile warmed up her voice. “How’s North Carolina treating you?”
“Great. It’s warmer down here, for sure.”
“That’s good.” She paused. “Though, I guess you’ll be a lot hotter soon. Over in the desert. I saw on the news it was over a hundred degrees yesterday.”
“Well, yeah. It’s definitely a lot hotter there.” He scratched his head, wincing at the memories of the harsh, hot sun. The days he’d spent over there had been hell on Earth. “At night it cools off, though. Sometimes, it’s frigid.”
“But you’re inside then right?”
He massaged his temple, picturing Kayla as she looked this morning, lying in bed and watching him with her bright blue eyes shining. He’d give anything to go back to that moment. Before all hell broke loose. Before he’d walked away. “Yeah, but it’s not like I’m in a hotel or anything. It’s mostly shoddy buildings and temporary housing.”
“O…oh.” She sniffed. “Well, you’ll be safe, right? Promise me you’ll keep safe.”
She sounded so worried about him. For the first time, he felt guilty about that. He’d been so focused on making up for his wrongs, on proving that he could be the Marine he should have been when Josh had died, that he hadn’t seen how it was affecting her.
How it was affecting him, too.
“Yeah, Mom. I promise.” He hesitated, still wondering if this was the best course of action. Deep down, he knew the answer was a resounding yes. “Hey, is Dad around?”
He could practically see her pull the phone away and look at it, as if she doubted her hearing. The last time he’d “talked” with his father, it had ended in shouting and then dead silence. They hadn’t talked since. “Yes, he’s in his library going over ledgers.”
In other words, he was sneaking a cigar behind his mother’s back. It was a running joke, since it was common knowledge that his mom was fully aware of the cigars…but she humored his father anyway. How she managed to pull that off was beyond Cooper. The woman had a stronger sense of smell than a police dog on the scent and everyone knew it.
“Can I talk to him, please?”
“Of course.” He heard her set something down, then open a door. She was probably walking from the living room, down the hallway, then down into his father’s office. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to talk to him.” Cooper flopped back on the bed and flexed his arms over his head, stretching his muscles. “Need to straighten a few things out.”
“All right. I’m almost there.” His mom sighed. “But Cooper?”
He tensed. “Yeah?”
“Be gentle with him. It’s always been his dream for you to run Shillings Agency when he retires, so finding out you had other plans hit him hard.” She opened another door. That meant she was almost at the office. “I know he’s been tough on you lately, but he doesn’t mean to be. He’s just…had to readjust his plans.”