“How are you done, Matt?”
“Inner ear. One little bone. It’s cracked. Can’t even see the stupid thing and it messes me up sometimes…messes me up enough that the docs wouldn’t clear me. The Corps discharged me, honorably, but discharged nonetheless. My guys are still in the sandbox and I’m here, sitting in a bar where a couple of dumbasses get into a fistfight over an order of fries. It’s just so damn stupid.”
Twenty-four had been a banner year for her. Three movies filmed back-to-back with a fourth script waiting to be memorized. She’d been nominated for a People’s Choice at that age.
“It’s hard to be told you’re done. You can’t do what you want to do, what you’re good at because of a little bone or the preconception that you can’t do it anymore, that you aren’t sexy enough or alluring enough to put the butts in the seats. You’re good enough to play mom or teacher or nurse, but not to play the love interest or the lead.”
Matt blinked at her slowly and she blushed. She was supposed to be listening, not bitching about her career.
“I’m sorry. That kind of just poured out.”
“Ma’am, you’re way too sexy to be a teacher or someone’s mom. If you’d been my teacher, I’d have paid a hell of a lot more attention in class.”
“You’re sweet, thank you. But the point I tried to make before I dove off the pier of self-pity is I’ve been judged by preconceptions since I started in this business. I can try to tell myself it was easy all through my twenties and that those lead roles fell in my lap, but they didn’t. First, I had to fight being seen as Amy Benning, and then I had to fight being seen as the quirky romantic comedy lead, and it’s impossible to break out of typecasting in Hollywood. I can blame it on my age because thirty-four is dried and done, or I can prove them wrong and fight for the roles I want to fight for, make my own kind of movies.”
The thought struck a chord. Take the supporting parts, use the money to fund smaller budget productions or even get a clause in the contract that would allow a contribution. She could take the higher paying empty gigs to pay for those with soul and reinvent herself again. Tucking that thought away for examination later, she focused on Matt.
“Comparing an actress to a Marine…I’m assuming you’re a Marine.” At his nod, she smiled and continued. “Comparing being an actress to being a Marine is like comparing soufflé to a porterhouse steak, I get that. But you can’t tell me being a Marine, going through training, and into combat was easy. It shouldn’t be easy adjusting to not serving actively. It’s just a different kind of training.”
His slow, owlish blink emboldened her.
“And you’re a good guy or you wouldn’t be sitting here beating yourself up about being sad. But we need to be sad. Sad helps us appreciate happiness and appreciate what we need and what we want. You know what you want, you just have to find a way to do it.”
“I do?”
“Of course you do, Matt.”
Lauren jumped at James’ quiet voice. He’d crept up on them and she’d been so focused on Matt, she’d failed to notice. Blushing guiltily, she shot him an apologetic look, but he held out his hand, a request and offer rolled into one. She accepted the assistance and he lifted her effortlessly to her feet.
“You want to help your brothers. You want to help your family. You just think you can’t because the medical discharge papers say your ear inhibits your performance. But that just keeps you out of combat.” James’ certain, steady voice offered calmness. He squeezed her hand lightly, holding her close and a thrill zinged through her.
Matt climbed to his feet, brow furrowed. “It sounds easy.”
“So did basic until the first time you had to run ten miles, do a hundred pushups, then run another ten.” Her date’s smile twisted with a hint of wryness. “It got easier, but it wasn’t easy to start with.”
“No, sir. It wasn’t.” Matt scuffed a shoe against the curb, the deep lines around his mouth and eyes easing. He looked at his car and then back to James, as though really seeing the two for the first time. “I’m sorry, Doc. It won’t happen again.”
“It’s fine, Matt. It’s what I’m here for. But you are getting some homework after this.”
“Yeah?”
“Lauren.” James paused to look at her. “Would you give us a couple of minutes?”
“Absolutely.” Turning to Matt, she smiled. “Lovely to meet you, Matt. Thank you for listening.”
A faintly puzzled look marred the ghost of a smile flirting with his lips, but still a smile. “Nice to meet you, ma’am….” She made it three steps away when he continued. “And ma’am? If you ever want to try out for Mrs. Robinson, I’ll be available.”