*
My feet hurt when I got back to my apartment. I stripped out of my wet uniform and got in the shower. Though it was early spring, the clouds and the rain gave the day a chill. I was shivering by the time my shift ended.
I made myself a bowl of ramen noodles and sat down at my computer. My heart raced when I opened the browser, typing in the bank’s website. I closed my eyes after I put in my login info. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to see the close to negative sum in my savings account.
“Ugh,” I groaned. Nervous sweat formed between my breasts. I had enough to buy a small amount of groceries that I desperately needed. I had half of what I needed to cover rent, and nothing to pay for my accumulating medical bills. My Netflix subscription was up at the end of the month. I sighed. I wouldn’t be able to renew that.
I closed my computer and went to bed, feeling close to tears. I would make it, somehow. It would take time to build my savings back up. I would have to pull in overtime, just a few days here and there so it wouldn’t be obvious to Scott or Dad.
Dad would lecture me on needing to save money, forgetting that I had spent all my savings to pay off my student loans. I was struggling, but I wasn’t that bad…yet. And Scott would offer for me to come stay with him and his wife. She was a manager at a marketing agency. Money was never an issue for them.
But as nice and protective as Scott was, I didn’t want him to know I was barely making it. I wasn’t ashamed, no…it was more like I didn’t want to throw in the towel and admit I needed help. Not yet. I could trudge through this a while longer.
Chapter 5
Three weeks had passed since Misty moved. I buried myself in work, going over old files and pulling in enough overtime to cover most of my rent, but it was gone in a matter of days due to unexpected expenses. I came home, ate, slept, then was back at work. Days blurred together, and the monotony was making me crazy. This was no way to cope.
Fuck.
I was lonely and horny as hell. I wanted a boyfriend, someone who cared about me and ask about my day…and someone I could fuck night after night. I left work that night feeling pretty down about myself. I tried so hard to prove myself, to let not just Dad but everyone else on the force know I was a good cop, and I got nowhere. I was a lame desk jockey. All I needed was a chance, just one big case to bust to prove myself.
Instead, I directed traffic when church let out.
My job was lame. I was lame. My life…I sighed and opened the door to my apartment. I felt like I was taking one step forward and two steps back. I needed to come to terms with the fact that I would never be anything more than a traffic cop. I would never be given the chance to be a big time detective like my brother.
I shook my head, unbuttoning my pants and kicking off my shoes. Scott led an investigation that resulted in a big bust and the arrest of a dozen dealers that they suspected to be linked to the Calaveras. Though it was hard to prove. The dealers here were pretty far down the chain, and it was getting harder and harder to link them to the mysterious Calaveras leader: Alejandro. Not much was known about Alejandro. The DEA didn’t even have a rough sketch of him. All we knew was that he was young and over the trafficking business when his father passed seven years ago.
Nevertheless, Scott arrested twelve dealers. He and half the force were out celebrating. He invited me, out of pity I’m sure, but I declined.
I had to work in the morning. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to stop after one drink. I didn’t have the money for that anyway, even though it was tempting to get drunk and go home with someone.
I threw my shoes in the closet and stripped out of my clothes, hurrying to take a bath. I didn’t normally allow myself to wallow in self-pity, but I was planning on it tonight. My financial situation had gotten worse in the last three weeks. My fridge stopped working, my computer got a virus, and I accidentally bleached my good clothes. I hadn’t had an orgasm in God knows how long.
And it was Monday.
I took a hot bath, changed into my favorite jammies, and tucked myself in bed, wanting to sleep away the ill feelings that twisted in my stomach. I had a hell of a time falling asleep. I couldn’t stop worrying about money or how I was never going to be a good cop. I felt like my life was a wasted opportunity and I was being forced to settle for mediocrity. Was it worth it, always being the good girl? I had missed out on so much and had denied myself even more. I didn’t want to admit it to myself that I had wasted the best years of my youth.
Somewhere around midnight, I drifted to sleep. Only a few hours later, my phone rang. I sat up, blindly reaching for it on the nightstand. I was about to ignore the call when I saw it was my sister-in-law. She never called me.