Stacey taps my shoulder, making me jump. I clear my throat and glance over at her and MK, both waiting by the door with bemused expressions. “What did I miss?” I mumble.
“Probably could’ve missed a nuclear apocalypse, you were so deep in la-la land,” MK replies. “Come on, girl, out with it. Who are you mooning over. Still confessional booth guy?”
“Ooh, confessional booth guy?” Stacey bats her eyelashes. “Do tell.”
“You are both the worst,” I tell them as I march out of the dungeon. But the weight of all this secrecy—having so much between me and Jack, and no one to tell about any of it, no one to ask what they think about his behavior at the end of the day yesterday, no one to commiserate with about how bad it’s sucked to have to pretend like nothing’s happening between us—it’s all too much.
So finally, as we near the end of the tour, standing up high on the castle walls and peeking through arrow-slots at the town around us, the other students, professors, townspeople, and tourists alike bustling through their lives on the busy, foot-worn streets, I confess.
Kind of.
“That’s where I’ve been for the past couple weeks.” I side-eye Mary Kate with an apologetic grimace. “Sorry for ignoring your texts.”
“Mate, if you were getting laid, all ignorance forgiven.” She smirks. “God knows you need a decent screw to take your mind off shite at home.”
“Yeah, well, the screwing has been more than decent. Fucking mind-blowing, actually.” They both snicker, which makes me bolder. “The only thing is . . . I can’t tell anyone much about him. Not even you guys. And we’ll never be able to go out in public or anything.”
“Ooh, forbidden romance. Even hotter.” Stacey winks.
“Yeah, at first. Only now it’s kind of . . . ” I trail off, picking at my thumbnail as my brain searches for the right word.
“Suffocating?” Mary Kate asks, with the air of someone who knows exactly what I’m feeling.
Our eyes meet, and in that moment, I know there’s something she hasn’t been telling me. Something more behind her and Nick’s hookups, maybe? I can’t tell, and I certainly don’t want to ask her in front of Stacey. If she hasn’t told it to me, the pen pal she’s always been able to unburden herself to, then it must be as big as what I’m keeping secret with Jack. She’s not prying for details with me, so I give her the same respect, even while I nod in agreement.
“Exactly. Suffocating.” I run a hand through my hair, pulling my gaze away to study the city around us once more. “And on top of that, like it’s not bad enough having to hide everything, he keeps blowing me off. Like yesterday night, we had plans, and he just blew me off and wouldn’t explain why. He was pretty douchey about it too.” I scowl. “I just can’t get a good read on him, y’know? I can never tell what he’s thinking.” I sigh, and my breath raises a puff of dust from the ancient castle wall that I’m leaning against.
“Well, who ever can with guys,” Stacey replies with a shrug. “I mean, he’s not married, right?”
My first instinct is to laugh. “Hell no. I mean, unless he’s really good at hiding something that huge.” But then, thinking about the phone call he got earlier, and the way he threw me out, my stomach churns, and my head threatens to strangle my brain at the very thought. “Oh god, I hope he’s not.”
Mary Kate waves away the very thought. “I’m sure he isn’t. Guys pull shit like this all the time. ‘Let’s get serious! Oh wait, I forgot my car keys, uhhh bye.’ It’s just cold feet or whatever. He’ll come around.”
I nod, even though that explanation doesn’t really cover it in this case. It’s the best advice I’ll get without being able to give them any more details, though, and it’s good enough for me.
Whatever is bothering Jack, whatever keeps making him push me away, he’ll figure it out. This chemistry between us is too perfect, too bone-deep, for him to ignore.
I hope.
“Until then,” Stacey adds as we descend from the parapet, my hand pressed to the cool stone to keep my balance on the narrow, winding stairs, “don’t let the arsehole get away with treating you this way. Give the git a taste of his own medicine.”
Now that is advice I can do something with.
Jack
“Thanks for coming,” Kat mumbles into my shoulder outside his room. “I couldn’t handle this without you.”
I only came for you, is what I don’t tell her. Because really, this is the last place on the planet I want to be. I haven’t even seen my father yet and they’re already on my case.