‘Okay, quiet down!' Aries called.
They listened to him as usual. He was in charge for a reason. I hated following orders, but we had come to a mutual agreement. He didn't try to boss me too much, so I got on with my life.
‘There's a reason I turned to drugs.'
I didn't know if telling them was the right thing to do, but Kerry had encouraged me to speak my truth, as she had put it. I had wanted her to be at the meeting, but it wasn't possible. She would learn more when, or if, something developed between us. Until then, I didn't want to scare her off with my family troubles.
///
‘Go on,' Pisces said gently.
She smiled at me kindly. I nodded back, noticing how she brushed Antony off when he tried to pull her to him. He winked at me. Was there a problem between them already?
‘She's a bit funny about being too intimate in front of everyone,' he said when I didn't say anymore.
My head shook as the others chuckled. For the first few months of them being together, they couldn't take their hands off each other.
‘Antony! Why are you telling them our business?'
She slapped him playfully on the arm. He caught her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it before placing it on his lap.
‘The honeymoon period is almost over,' Aries said, resting his arm over Natalie's shoulder.
She poked him in the side. He pretended to frown at her. The rest of us watched them. Some were envious, while others were happy for our siblings. Most of us just felt sick.
‘Cancer, I need a puke bucket,' I said.
She laughed and slapped me on the back. We were both on the sofa. The two baddies of the group united in our hour of judgement.
‘When I was younger, I took out a knife one night. I was going to kill you all.'
The room fell completely silent. Not one of them had something to say about my confession.
‘I was so angry when you threatened to tell my tutor everything, I wanted to get rid of you all. I have this problem with people telling me what to do-'
‘You don't say?' Capricorn said.
Her comment elicited a few laughs, but it died away quickly. They were morbidly curious about my murderous mind.
‘Since that day, I've felt nothing but guilt. I also worry what I could be capable of. I was only eighteen, but I could've done you harm that night.'
I rubbed my hand over my shaved head. Gemini had clipped it for me before the meeting. It was a grade three, so the dark bristles were still there. They scratched the skin of my palm.
‘What stopped you?' Aries asked.
Cancer took hold of my arm and pulled my hand away from my head.
‘You were awake,' I answered, looking at Aries. ‘It snapped me out of it. It doesn't matter that nothing happened. It just matters that I felt like killing you all, full stop.'
‘I don't agree,' Leo said.
I glanced over at him. He was cradling his guitar in his arms, like he always did. His latest tattoo was covered with a piece of cling film. The reddened welt held a new ink picture of a robin. The bird's chest was bright red. It blended well with Leo's tattooed sleeve.
‘I can tell you right now that I've wanted to kill every single one of you loads of times. In fact, I want to kill Scorpio right now for nicking that gorgeous girl from me last night!'
I fought the smile that came to my lips.
‘Can't help it if the woman has taste,' Scorpio replied, sitting back in his chair with a smug grin on his face.
‘Leo is right, we've all thought about murdering each other. When I shared a room with Cancer, she drove me insane,' Pisces said.
She glared when Cancer stuck her tongue out at her.
‘But I actually got a knife … '
Aries shrugged when I looked at him. ‘It's in the past. You've not killed us yet, so move on. If that's what's been holding you back, you've got to let that go.'
I clamped my mouth closed on the retort that sprung to my brain. Aries could tell me what to do in this instance. It was his way of forgiving me.
‘Please explain how you ended up getting high with Nick,' Virgo said. ‘I can't guess how you got into that situation.'
They listened intently for the first time in my life. They focused completely on me as I told them about Matt and Cancer.
‘I knew you were still hiding something,' Aries said to her.
She avoided eye contact with him by fixating on her hands. I reached out and squeezed one.
‘So Matt instigated a meeting that went wrong. You and Kerry were trapped together for twenty four hours. Nick's men brought Sophie as bait to get you out. You went and Sophie was killed. We knew about Sophie, but we didn't know Cancer had something to do with it.' Aries glared at her bent head as he spoke.
‘Nick's men took me to a house. He offered me drugs and answers,' I said to take the heat off Cancer.
‘Answers?' Leo asked.
I licked my lips. They would never understand my need for the truth.
‘I wanted to prove our parents wrong. I didn't believe that all this...' I gestured around at us. ‘Was true. Nick knew that about me. Don't ask me how. So, he offered me a way to see the truth.'
Even Cancer stared at me. I hadn't told her about Nick. Our friendship wasn't that strong.
///
‘You took the drugs. Then what happened?' Aries said, cracking his knuckles.
As I told them about the trippy journeys, Aries paid complete attention. They could have been memories from the past, but I couldn't be sure.
‘That happened to me! When I was kidnapped, Nick drugged my water to get me to see visions of the past,' Pisces blurted.
‘I had the same thing when I was drugged up after losing my leg,' Aries countered.
Did the drugs really reveal the truth? Or did they make up something that was never there?
‘I always have dreams like that,' Leo chimed in. ‘Even when I'm sober. I think the drugs just unlock a part of your memory.'
I had to agree. The scenes that had played out in my mind when I was high with Nick were too vivid not to be real. They had to be real.
‘So we know that Nick became the way he is because of his own mind, not because of some dark mysterious power?' Aries said.
‘I think the dark power is in him. When people are so negative and a little crazy, it can consume them.'
The look in Nick's eyes when he died as an old man had betrayed his darkness.
‘What do we do about it?'
Aries was asking me. For the first time in our lives, Aries wanted me to lead the way. I sat up straight and let go of Cancer's hand. It was time to take action against him. We needed to show him that we weren't going to take what he threw at us lying down.
‘Nick's men are very good at what they do. When they first took me, they knew that you almost found me. I'll go back to the house with the intent on getting high again, then I'll attack him from the inside.'
Cancer stood up. ‘You can't do that, Nick's men will kill you!'
The thought hadn't even entered my head. I didn't care if they killed me. I had to let Nick know that murdering Sophie was not acceptable. So far, he had got away with it. That had to change. The whole war had to change.
‘I think it's a good idea,' Aries said. ‘However, we can't just leave you to do it alone.'
My eyes widened. He admitted that I had a good idea. It was a first. Maybe I could be a better person. Maybe the others would respect me if I got my life together. Not that I cared what they thought, but it would be nice to be included.
‘You can and you will. This is my own personal fight.'
‘Yeah, you're going to have to resist the drugs,' Virgo chimed in. She was becoming more vocal, which was unusual for her.
My siblings' faces changed when they realised my dilemma. I had only been off drugs for a little while.
‘We can't kill Nick. He can't kill us. So … let me scare him a bit.'
Aries shrugged when they looked at him. ‘Okay, but don't mess it up,' he said, standing.
I stayed where I was. My knees were too weak to hold me up for long. My head still pounded, but at least I was moving forward. I was taking my life back. Nick would go down before he took my world from me.
Chapter Twenty
‘I'm going into battle,' I said as I picked up my old bong.
The glass was stained, which was disgusting. I hadn't taken anything for two weeks. For the first time in years, I was clear headed and ready for the fight.
‘What do you mean?'
Kerry smiled when I placed my old smoking paraphernalia in a plastic bag, ready to be thrown out. She hovered by the open bedroom door.
‘I can't really explain but wish me luck.'
She stomped her foot. I stopped what I was doing and turned to her. She had been a regular visitor as I recovered, but I wanted to distance myself. She was like my rehab nurse. Not that she'd officially been my carer, but I was seeing her in a new light. I didn't want her to see me as a recovering addict.
‘What's the matter?' I stepped over to her; coming so close she had to bend her head back to look at me.
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. I reached out and stroked the soft skin covering her oesophagus. Her eyes widened when I looked into the blue of her iris. No words needed to be spoken. I couldn't look away. Her hair fell away from her face. It tickled my arm as I laid my hand on her back.