‘You can keep running away from your problems or you can face them. Either way, Taurus, I'm here for you if you need me.' Kerry puffed the words as she ran to catch up to me.
Gritting my teeth, I turned to her. She put up her hand before I spoke.
‘Being a drug addict is not easy. I can't even begin to imagine it, but you choose to take drugs every day. I never chose to be abused. I'll tell you something, the thoughts I've had about killing my stepfather, are probably worse than yours.'
My mouth dropped open. When she put it like that, it sounded like I was a whiney boy.
‘I'm sorry about what happened to you.'
I genuinely was, too. My upbringing had been easy compared to hers by the sound of it. I had no right to complain about my life when she had suffered.
‘What you did, or didn't do … it wasn't great. But you've got to stop beating yourself up for something you thought of doing. If you got off the drugs-'
I spun away from her. She was preaching. She had been kind enough to listen to me, but I didn't appreciate-
Something hit my back. I glanced over my shoulder. Kerry's bag lay on the ground. Had she just thrown her bag at me?
‘I'll stop,' she said, holding her hands in the air.
‘Why do you even care?'
Her shoulders relaxed as she moved towards me. ‘If I'm really honest, I have no idea.'
I laughed. It started as a chuckle but built into full blown laughter. She bit her bottom lip as she watched me. The last week had been the weirdest week in my whole life.
‘I don't even know what's going on and the funny thing is, I'm not even high.' I almost shouted as I held my arms to the sides.
I wanted to be, though. No matter how much I tried to resist the urge, it was building and building inside me. It wasn't the urge to forget that drove me this time, it was the urge to remember.
‘Kerry, thank you,' I said, pulling her to me for a quick hug. ‘I have to be somewhere.'
She smelt of strawberry. The scent of it wafted up my nose as I let her go. She shook her head as she smiled at me.
‘I owe you an agony uncle session!' I shouted as I jogged backwards away from her.
Her hands were on her hips. The sun was behind her. I had made a new friend. Once I found out about myself and why I acted the way I did, I would repay her.
Chapter Fifteen
I watched her as she danced with her new husband. He laughed as she teased him. Her hair flew out behind her as he spun her around.
‘You shouldn't be here.'
The whisper was welcome. I had been waiting.
My beloved's father was the same height as me, but I was twice the breadth of him. It had taken me twelve months to build myself. I was finally bigger than him. My hatred for his trickery had kept me going.
‘You fooled me,' I said quietly.
His chuckle was low. It sent heat throughout my body. I should have been dancing with the giggling woman. I should have been lying with her that night. Instead, I had an inn full of drunkards and the cold arms of a prostitute wrapped around me at night.
‘You were never good enough for her. She loved you, aye, but you couldn't prove yourself.'
My arm was swift as I lunged into the air. I fell down onto him, the knife hitting its target, straight in the chest. The blade pierced skin and buried deep, sending a thrill right through the handle and up my arm. His mouth hung open. No sound came out as he slumped to the ground.
‘I loved her, aye. Love hurts, though, doesn't it?' I whispered to his dead body.
If I couldn't have the one I loved, why should anyone else be happy? Turning back to my horse, I lifted the bow from my saddle bag. My heart was steady and so was my hand.
///
‘I will never allow anyone to be happy in love. This I swear.' My whispered words were a vow to myself. Any person that I saw to be in love would cease to exist. Love hurt a lot more than not loving.
‘Nicklaus?' her breathy voice carried to me.
I turned to see her at the edge of the clearing, standing between two bushes. The party continued in the background. The fire cast shadows over the remaining dancers. The singing covered the sound of the arrow as I drew it against the bow.
I ignored her. She was nothing to me. My sight set on her new husband.
‘What are you doing? Where is my father?'
The shadows were thick at my feet. She couldn't see her deceased father lying on the ground.
‘What is that in your hand?'
The shooting practice in the dark had paid off. I lined up the arrow, squinted at my target, and let it fly across the clearing. Straight into his back. Directly into his heart.
‘Nicklaus!' her shout echoed around me.
I turned to her as she ran for me. She tripped over her father's legs and screamed when she landed on him.
‘What have you done?' she cried.
Bending to her, I clasped her arms. ‘You were meant to be mine. No one can hurt as much as I've been hurt over you. I will not let others suffer because of love anymore.'
*
My breath inhaled sharply as I came to. The sofa held my weight. I had to shift because my arm had gone numb.
‘That's what it was? You decided to keep people apart because you lost someone once?' I sat up as I rubbed my face to clear the memory of the blood on my hands.
Nick's chuckle was deep. ‘It started that way. Things always start out simple but grow into much more. What you just witnessed happened hundreds of years ago. The father of my beloved … that was Trevor.'
My father had stopped Nick from being with his beloved hundreds of years ago?
‘The look of disbelief on your face is a picture. You're struggling to believe that this happened.' Nick sat up slowly, gesturing for one of his men to hand us a drink.
I gulped down the vodka. It seemed to give the drug a kick. My head was buzzing. I could run ten miles. In fact, I could run all the way home.
‘Well, this is the best trip I've ever had.' I laughed, slapping Nick on the shoulder.
He frowned as his arm paused in mid-air. His glass was almost full. It seemed that Nick also liked to drink.
‘Is that what you think this is? A clever trick of the drug? Do you believe any of it happened?'
His grey eyes searched mine. I looked away from him, eyeing up the open bag on the coffee table. I didn't know what to believe anymore. I almost didn't care either.
‘You search for the truth but you're not very good at seeing it.'
His voice was tight. I glanced at him. He glared at me, causing the lines around his eyes to crease.
‘You expect me to believe that when I get high, I'm going back to another time?'
He smiled. It wasn't a friendly lift of the lips, but a smirk.
‘Taurus, Taurus, Taurus … how you embody the traits of your star sign.' Nick tutted, pointing at the earthy brown bracelet on my wrist. ‘What about that? Are you so disbelieving in that?'
The silver charm lay against the leather. The symbol imprinted on it was ingrained with dirt. I forgot it was even on my wrist most of the time.
‘Fall in love with an amazing girl. Heal the world. All is good. Is that what you mean?'
The sweet current that filtered through my veins made it hard to stay alert. If the others could see me now, they would slit my throat. Getting high with our enemy was stupid, even for me.
‘I see your guardians did a fantastic job of telling you about your mission.' Nick reached for the bottle of vodka and poured us another glass.
‘I ban the word mission in my head. It's so boring. And not real.'
I nodded my thanks when he handed me the drink. My head lulled onto the back of the sofa as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
‘Oh, how I wish I could show you the moment you agreed to come to earth yet again.' Nick sighed.
‘Yes, please do. Then maybe I'll actually believe you,' I replied, kicking off my shoes when my feet started to pulse with my heartbeat.
‘No can do. It's against the bloody rules.'
I spluttered my drink as I took a sip. ‘You play by the rules?'
Wiping my chin free of vodka, I waited for his answer. It didn't come. Glancing at him, I was tempted to take advantage of his unconsciousness. One of his men was waiting nearby, watching me intensely.
‘If only I had the guts,' I muttered, letting my head fall where it would as I slumped into sleep.
///
*
‘You knew how much I loved her,' he spat.
My spine squeezed against the wall as he pressed his arm into me. I tried to pull air into my lungs as black spots attacked my vision from the side.
‘Why did you kill her?'
My young brother didn't understand. I had to save him from heartache. What was worse? To lose her before he had been with her or let her rip his heart out?
He released me and I fell to the ground. The straw under my feet was wet from days of rain. The thunder rolled overhead. The castle had been shut up for the night. I needed to get inside.
‘Tell me why?' he cried.
His cheeks were streaked with rain and tears. I had never seen my brother look so desolate. My heart tried to melt, but it was too late. I had been bitter for far too many years.