Megan turned her slightly reddened blue eyes up to meet his but her smile broke his heart. “It’s ok. I’m more than ok. I love you.”
When he hugged her, he saw her quickly reach to wipe at a tear. He would pretend not to notice and just hold her for a bit.
“I have three pair… oh, excuse me!” The salesgirl walked inside but stopped short.
Jake and Megan pulled apart, she turning away while Jake smiled at the girl. “You’re fine. Let’s see the shoes.”
They left the store with the dress and the most uncomfortable but absolutely gorgeous pair of sandals Megan had ever owned. She glanced at her husband, pinching herself, still not believing that she was Mrs. Megan Roark. It was unreal. Jake Roark was the best thing to happen to her… ever. Her life was coming together, there was the bakery and now Jake. They were already talking about starting a family soon, about having babies. The thought made her giddy but she checked herself. She wasn’t even off the pill yet and they’d only just started to discuss children. She had learned the hard way not to count her chickens until they were hatched. It was one lesson among many she did not wish to repeat.
For a moment, Josie came to mind. She was the last link to her past. The only thing that still tied her to it, to her roots. Jake had met her parents. She had tried to deter him but he’d been determined. She still remembered how optimistic he had been, how reassuring that she was wrong, that he would love them like he loved her. Thinking about that day now still made her shudder.
She remembered how he had looked around her little neighborhood, never a moment of judgment in his eyes. How her belly had felt when they had parked the car and walked up to the front door hand in hand, how the screen door hung crooked, one of the hinges broken for as long as she could remember. The TV had been on, one of her mom’s game shows. It was all they did. Neither her mother nor her father had bothered to get up off the couch to open the door. Even then, standing just outside on the front step, Megan had made one final attempt to change his mind, but he wouldn’t do it. He was determined.
His words just before they went inside stayed with her.
“I love you, nothing can change that. Nothing,” he had said. He had squeezed her hand and she had pulled the screen door open and called out to her parents, trying to sound natural, optimistic even.
Her mother hadn’t bothered to either get up off the couch or even turn to look at them while the rerun of the show played and her father had been half drunk. The house was a mess; no, not only that, it was dirty, as it always was. She had forgotten how bad it could be there and all she had wanted to do was to run. But Jake had held her hand and smiled when her mother had finally turned to look him over. The expression on her face then was something Megan wished she could forget.
“So you’re Meggie’s boyfriend?” she had said while picking up her drink, her dirty, chipped fingernails looking like claws. She had then turned to look at Megan, scanned her from head to toe and back, the icy look cutting Megan through.
She had thought then that that would be the end of their relationship, but Jake was better than that.
On their way out, her mother had pulled her back and Megan could still feel her stale breath on her face when she had mentioned how nice it was for all of them that Jake looked like he had money and how rent was late, again.
That was the last time she saw her parents.
It was strange how even at the age of twenty-six, even though she had been away from home for more than eight years, she still knew very well where she came from, what kind of blood ran in her veins.
She glanced at Jake as he drove, his attention on traffic. She had met his dad a few times. His mom had passed away some time back and his father had remarried. He had two brothers whom she had met at their wedding. Liam, his brother by blood, was newly married himself to Naia. She was just two years older than Megan and Megan had liked her right away. Jake and Liam had exactly the same eyes, but everything else was completely different. She liked Liam very much but she had to admit, his height and build coupled with his long dark hair and his presence made her lean just a little closer to Jake at that first meeting.
Luke was his stepbrother, definitely the more brooding of three of them, but still, Megan had liked him. There was something sad about him, something so lonely and she was glad when, a few months later, Jake had told her how Luke had met a girl. Jake thought he would end up marrying her but she had yet to meet Emma.
His father and stepmother had been so different from her own parents. They had both been so warm and kind to her right from the start. They had treated her as if she were their own daughter and Megan felt at ease with them. She wanted their own family to be more like his than hers. She wanted to give her children so much love that they grew up thinking that’s just how everyone grew up. Thinking that was all there was in the world.
Her eyes filled with tears for a moment and she bit her lip to distract herself. She couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever feel like she truly belonged to him or him to her. She wondered if that small voice would ever stop reminding her of her past, would ever stop telling her she wasn’t from his world, didn’t belong in it no matter how much she pretended.
“Just one quick stop to make,” Jake said as he veered off onto a side street.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Well, I’ve just got to pick one thing up,” he said as he pulled into a parking lot.
Her eyebrows went up, her eyes widening. “At a sex shop? Jake! Oh my God! I can’t go in there.”
Jake laughed out loud as he parked the car. He turned to her and placed one hand on her knee, leaning in to kiss her. “Don’t worry, I was going to ask you to stay in the car. I have an idea for tonight and I want it to be a surprise.”
She raised her eyebrows, her gaze turning seductive. “What kind of idea?” she asked in as sultry a voice as she could muster even though she still managed to sound like a giddy kid.
“Just stay in the car, I’ll be right back.”
“Ok.”
She was curious. And turned on. The afternoon sex session had been one of the hottest they had had. Jake was always the more dominant partner in their relationship but between that spanking the other day and then today’s sex, she wondered if he wasn’t exploring his own nature. She only hoped it continued.
He was back within ten minutes carrying a bag which he put into the trunk before climbing back into the driver’s side and giving her his most evil of grins.
“What did you buy?” she asked.
He only gave her a wink. “I want to play a game tonight. Are you up for it?”
“What kind of game?”
“Do you trust me, Megan?”
“You know I do.”
“Then say yes.”
She studied his profile as he drove.
“Yes.”
They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they pulled into the garage, he killed the engine and turned to her. His expression was strange, part aroused but something else too.
“What?” she asked, giggling nervously.
“Ready?”
Her smile vanished, replaced by uncertainty. The same feeling she had had the other night when he had put her in the corner, when he had asked her to take her panties down to her thighs, came over her and she stared at him. He touched a hand to her face. “It’s ok,” he said.
What was wrong with her? This was a sex game. Why was she acting so strange?
She took a deep breath and tried for a smile but it came out shaky. “Ready,” she said.
“Good girl. I’m going to unpack your dress and shoes and take them upstairs. While I do that, I’d like for you to go into my study and undress. Everything off but your panties. I then want you to kneel in the middle of the room and wait for me. You can sit on your heels but keep your knees wide. Put your hands on your thighs, palms up, and keep your gaze to the floor. Do you understand, Megan?”
Although her heartbeat didn’t pick up, her entire body felt like it was vibrating. She felt nervous and aroused at once, she felt safe but at the same time, afraid. But she also knew she wouldn’t say no. It was a strange thought, but she knew she would never say no to him.
She nodded.
“If you need to stop for any reason, just say purple and we’ll stop whatever we’re doing, all right?”
“Jake?”
“Yes.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“No. We’re only playing. You’re not in trouble.”
She inhaled a loud breath and nodded. “Ok.”
They exited the car quietly and without a word, she went into the study. Once there, she undressed just as she had the other night, sparing one glance at the corner. She stripped off her clothes and folded them, stacking them in a neat pile. She then moved the chair that normally sat across from his desk off to the side and knelt at the center of the carpet facing the door. She took her knees wide, just as he had said, and easily and naturally took up the position, keeping her gaze down. It was strange, how organic this felt. How right. As she knelt almost naked in the quiet room, she listened to the sound of her breath, to the sound of absolute stillness that filled her ears. Her belly softened and her mind quieted. It had even before she had actually entered the room. It had ever since he had given her instructions in the car.