“I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he just shuts down,” Luke said.
“You know that he was driving, right?”
Luke nodded. “It was in the papers. I wanted to reach out to him, but…” It had happened just weeks after the incident with Julie. “Emma, I was…am…so sorry about what happened with Julie. If I could take it back…”
“But you can’t, that’s the trick, Luke. You can’t.” She was surprised at the bitterness of her tone. “None of us can take back the stupid bullshit we’ve done to fuck up our lives. Joke’s on us, huh?” Her chuckle turned into something else, but she didn’t cry. “Anyway, it sucks that it had to be you, but you weren’t the only one.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“She showed up at the house a few weeks after my parents died. Nate was drunk.” She checked his expression and decided to explain. “He drank a lot that year,” she said. “He blamed himself for the accident,” she offered. “Anyway, I told her to go to hell, but she pushed her way in, insisting on seeing Nate. Well, he was angry and drunk, not a good combination. He didn’t hold back and when she realized he wasn’t interested in taking her back, she let loose and told him everything. You were just a drop in a rather large lake, it seems,” she finished, more angry now than anything else.
“Jesus,” he said. “How did Nate take it?”
“He poured himself another drink,” she said. “I quit school; I should say I planned to quit for a semester, but things sometimes don’t go as planned, right? Well, after a few months, I got him into a program and it helped. He got better, stopped drinking, met his wife Celia there, believe it or not.” This did make her smile.
“You like her,” he said.
“Yeah. She’s great. She’s exactly what he needs. They’re expecting, did you know?”
“I’d heard. I’m glad he found someone good. He deserves it. But what happened to you in the meantime? You couldn’t go to school because you were taking care of Nate while dealing with the loss of your parents. I wish I’d been able to help you both. I was ashamed of what I did, and to make things worse, I just took off. I regret that. I regret that very much.”
“That’s long ago, Luke.” But she had wondered herself how things might have gone had she never walked in on Luke and Julie that night.
“How did you get to talking once a month?”
“Once he got better, he decided he needed to take care of me for a change and went a little overboard with it. He treated me like a kid, but after that year, I wasn’t a kid anymore. I did make some not-very-wise decisions, I’ll give him that.”
“I’ll say,” he added.
She ignored him. “But just as you’ve changed, Luke, so have I.”
He nodded.
“My parents’ will had left Nate in charge of my trust and anything that would be mine until I turned twenty-five and I think he thought he would be able to keep a better handle on me if he made me financially dependent on him until then. Unless I got a job, of course. But having dropped out of school, it wasn’t that easy.”
“Why do you say it like that? What happened that he needed to ‘get a handle on you’?” When she didn’t answer right away, he added, “I’m not asking because I’m going to judge you, Emma. I have my own regrets; my past isn’t all sunshine either.”
“Do you mean the thing with Julie?”
“Among other things. Go on.”
She was intrigued. “This conversation has to be two-way, Luke. If I’m spilling my dirty little secrets, you need to do the same.” But she wasn’t really giving away everything, just as much as she thought he could bear.
“Fair enough, but today’s about you.”
That would have to do. She had the impression Luke Roark was not a pushover. “I guess I was sowing my wild oats,” she said, her voice flat. She bit into the crisp toast, sending crumbs everywhere.
“And Damien was one of those oats?”
“I suppose.” If he only knew.
“And that contract your job?”
She dropped her gaze for a moment. “I’m not proud of it, but it was quick money, and this lifestyle is something I was curious about anyway. You said you wouldn’t judge me. Besides, you were there to buy someone like me, remember?”
“I’m not judging you,” he said. “Bad situations put people in bad positions. I don’t agree with your rebellion against Nate though.” He put up a hand when she began to interrupt. “But I’m not judging you. I’m just grateful I was there last night.”