The one person I care about, the one person I love, the one person I want most in this lifetime isn't in this box.
I grabbed the box and walked it over to the sink in the kitchen. I knew something now that I hadn't known before. It was something I hadn't felt before. As I looked at the box and all of its contents, I realized this was all just scraps of trash. None of these things meant anything to me.
Before I could change my mind, I took a lighter from kitchen drawer and placed the tip of the flame to the center of the box. As I watched the various items begin to incinerate into black pieces of ash, I realized that I didn't want to fuck another girl again besides Alexis, and that was enough for me. She was more than enough for me.
After a few minutes, the black box of items was an unrecognizable pile of soot and dust inside the sink. I'd thought I'd feel some sense of loss or regret when everything was burned down.
But I didn't.
Instead, I felt an unusual sense of liberation, as if a burden I'd been carrying with me for the past eight years had been lifted from my shoulders.
As I cleaned out what was left of the black box into the trash can, my eyes landed on it.
The sonogram photo of Isabella from a few days ago. I had put it on the fridge like Alexis had asked. I went over to it and took it off the fridge.
I smiled at the image of the baby sucking her thumb. Just like her mother.
My thoughts went to Alexis and I immediately pictured her in front of me.
A lump developed in my throat as I thought of her. "Where are you, baby?"
I imagined her smiling back at me.
"I miss you so much."
Thirty minutes and still no text or call back from Alexis. I looked out my window and noticed that the sun was about to set.
"Where is she?"
Then, out of desperation, I sent a text to Beth. I knew she'd been working at the bar all day. Maybe she knew something.
Hey Beth. Have you seen Alex today?
She responded back:
Hey boss. Yeah I did. Maybe an hour or so ago.
I immediately texted back:
Any idea where she went? She's not answering her phone.
After a few minutes, Beth still hadn't texted back. Getting impatient, I walked down to the bar to see her. She was making a round of drinks for a group of guys.
She looked up and saw me.
"Sorry. Just had to take care of them before I responded."
I gave her a quick smile. "No problem. I figured you might have your hands full so I thought I'd come down to just talk to you. Any idea where Alex went?"
I held my breath, hoping she could give me some answers.
"Yeah, I saw them leave about an hour ago when I was taking my smoke break outside. I overheard her say something about going to see the Palace of Fine Arts because the sun's out. Something about a sunset."
My chest stiffened at her words. "Them?"
"Yeah. Some guy."
"Have you seen him before?" A surge of panic washed over me as I watched Beth scrunch up her face as she thought back. What guy?
Then her eyes lit up. "Yes! I remember now. I knew I'd seen him before."
"Who is it?" I asked impatiently. I could hear the rapid pounding of my heart against my chest as I waited for her answer.
"Uhh, well I don't know his name. But it was that guy who was here a few months ago. He was the one that punched you and we had to kick him out of the bar."
Chris!
No!
"Fuck!"
My heart sank as I realized what this meant. Chris and Alexis were at the Palace of Fine Arts and it was sunset. That was when and where Alexis's father had proposed to her mother years ago.
I turned toward the door and ran as fast as I could to my car.
I need to get to her before it's too late!
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Alexis
I felt at peace here.
The soft breeze blew through the lagoon from the wharf. I sighed and sunk into the bench as I watched the sky change into a watercolor blend of warm crimson and gentle pinks as the sun made its decent down the Pacific horizon. One of the swans stood up from the surface of the water, outstretched its wings, and glided across the the length of the lagoon.
I pictured my parents standing before me. I imagine my father going down on one knee and proposing to my mother at this exact moment of the day many years ago. I smiled at how romantic my father was to have picked this spot.
I wasn't sure why but this place not only reminded me of my parents, but it reminded me of Damian.
I wish he was here. The thought resonated inside me and I realized how much I missed him.
"Excuse me, pretty lady, but you're on my bench," came a familiar, husky voice.
I spun around and saw my face to face with Damian. I opened my mouth but no words came out.
"Hi baby." He sat down on the bench next to me. "Is it too late to apologize?" His voice came out in a whisper as he slowly took my hands into his.
I shook my head to answer him as tears welled in my eyes. "You're here," I choked out.
"I know I'm late, but I'm here."
I frowned in confusion.
"It's been a long, windy journey for me, but I'm finally here. I finally know what I want from life, and I'm staring right at her."
The tears streamed down my face at his words.
"Why did you leave me?" My question blurted out.
"I don't know, Alex. I shouldn't have." He bowed his head and his face twisted in pain.
"You left me when I need you the most-when we needed you the most." My hands instinctively circled the large bump of my stomach.
"Alex, baby, I'm so sorry for not being strong enough to stay and fight for us when we started arguing the other day." I saw the pained expression on his face as he relived that moment. "I was an asshole for bailing. I was weak. Can you try to forgive me?"
"Are you going to stay?" I heard the desperation in my voice.
"Yes." His eyes were full of emotion as he looked at me. "Alex, I know don't deserve you. I don't deserve all this happiness you are capable of providing me by just a smile from your lips. But earlier today, it finally clicked for me. I know exactly what would make me feel happy and complete." He placed my hands against his chest and smiled widely at me. "And it's you."
I fought back the emotions that build up inside. I place the palm of my hand against his chest and felt the rapid beating of his heart. "I know you love me, Damian. But real love isn't conditional on circumstances. It's there no matter what the obstacle is. And sometimes, the love we need is more than just simply loving someone. " Our eyes met and I wished desperately that he could understand this, not just for me, but for our unborn child. What if at some point I'm not around for our child because of the cancer? I need her father to be there for her. To be there to braid her hair. To be there for her for her first heartbreak. To be there to see her go to the prom. To be there to see her graduate from college. To see her get married.
"What are you trying to say?" I saw his body tense as his eyes were full of worry.
"Well after I recover from this surgery, I'm going to be starting chemo for the rest of my second and the first part of my third trimester. Life is going to get hard, and I know it'll be an uphill climb. And I'll need you to be there for me. I'll need you to be there to fight every breath of this battle with me, every painful moment, and still tell me that I'm beautiful and everything will be okay."
Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the obstacles that will be before me in the upcoming months.
"Can you be there for me like that? I need to know that now. I'm not sure my heart can take it if you couldn't do it. But at the same time, I understand I'm asking a lot from you. We haven't been going out for very long and it's unfair to you that you have to stay in this difficult relationship."
"Alex," he whispered as he placed his index finger to my lips. "Who said that life was ever fair? I know very well how unfair life can be, especially to those who don't deserve that misfortunes that come their way." He squeezed my hand. I knew he was talking about me, but I immediately thought about the pain his mother had put his through years ago. "Baby, I know it's going to be an uphill climb. But sometimes the most rewarding things in life are also those uphill climbs, because the easier route-the route of least resistance-is downhills, and they don't lead to anything worth going fighting for."
I was speechless. The love that filled his words overwhelmed me and I found it hard to breath.
He leaned toward me and kissed my lips. "Alex, you're worth fighting for. And I'm going to make every effort to prove that to you."