"Yeah maybe." I knew Deb was right, but there was still a part of me that was resistant and I wasn't sure why.
"The important thing is you need to talk to him about these things. And not when you're in the middle of a fight."
"But, Deb, Damian is so scared of commitment. I'm worried he'll run away when things get hard. Having a baby is a permanent thing, and I don't want him to hurt us."
"He's the father of your child, Alexis. That's permanent. You need to have some faith if you love this man."
"Maybe you're right." I sighed. "I do need to talk to him."
"Yes, and sooner than later. Hey, sweetie, I just got into the office now. I need to get back to work. Are you going to be okay?"
I could hear the doubt in her tentative voice.
"Yeah, I'll be okay."
"You sure? I can try to cancel my morning calls and we can talk a bit longer."
I smiled at how much she was concerned over me. "I love you, Deb. Thanks, but I'm feeling a little better."
"Good. I'm happy to hear that. Before I let you go, I want to remind you that you're just too good of a person to not deserve happiness. You're a fighter, and I know you want happiness more than anything in the world. So go and fight for that happiness, because I think it's just around the corner for you. I can feel it. But right now, you just have to get to that corner."
"Thanks, Deb."
After we said our goodbyes, I hung up the phone feeling a bit more confident about what I wanted to do. Deb was right. I was a fighter, and I wanted to fight for my happiness. If not for me, then for my baby. I wanted her to grow up with a loving mother who was happy, just like my mother had been to me.
As I reflected on the last few months, I knew with absolute certainty that I loved Damian. He might not have been perfect, but he was trying. And to me, that was worth something.
Just as I was about to pick up the phone to call him, there was a knock at the door.
Damian!
A mixture of happiness and anxiousness came over me as I pushed myself off the bed and slowly walked to the door. Maybe everything will be okay. It was such a silly fight.
I opened the door and gasped. It wasn't Damian.
It was Chris.
"Hi. What-why are you here?" I stumbled over my words as I stared at him in confusion.
He was standing at my doorway with a bouquet of red roses. He smiled at me and leaned in for a hug.
"Hi, Alexis." He looked me up and down when he pulled out of his hug. "You look good pregnant. These are for you." He handed me the roses, and I could tell he was nervous about something.
I took the roses from him. Over the four years we had dated, he always got me red roses. I never once had the heart to tell him that I hated red roses. To me, they were as generic and unoriginal as white socks.
"Are you here on another business trip?"
"No, I … "
"You're not? So what are you doing here in town?"
"I came because of you."
I stared him wide-eyed, wondering if I'd heard him correctly. "For me?"
"Can I come in? I'd like to talk."
"Um, yeah. Sure. Of course." I let him in before closing the door. When we sat down on the couch, I turned to him. "What is this about?"
I watched him take in a deep breath. "Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it." He looked at me and I saw the anxiety in his eyes.
"Say what?"
"I miss you, Alexis." He placed his hand on top of mine.
I stood there motionless, unable to process his statement.
"Alexis, I know you and Damian had a fight a few days ago."
I opened my mouth, about to ask him how he knew.
"Deb told me."
"Why would Deb tell you?" I finally broke through my silence.
"She had sent me an email two days ago, asking me to give you a call and check in on you. She said that she was abroad for work and wasn't able to talk to you in private, so she was concerned for you."
"Oh." I gave Chris a small smile. "Well, thanks for coming to check on me. I can't believe you flew all the way out here for that. But really, I'm okay now."
"That's not the real reason I'm here," he said quickly.
"It's not?"
"Alex, I know I hurt you when I cheated on you last year. I really fucked up. We had been together for four years and I knew it was time for us to take the relationship to the next level. I even went to look at rings. But then I freaked out and slept with that girl. I was stupid. I-"
"Chris, it's all in the past now," I said, cutting him off. "Let's not dwell on the past. I meant it when I said that I forgave you for all that."
"There's more, Alexis." He took my hands into his and pulled them closer to his chest. I stared at him, stunned by his behavior. "I still love you, Alexis. After you moved away from Iowa, I couldn't get you out of my mind. And when I saw you with Damian during my last visit, I realized how fucking stupid I was to have let you go."
An audible gasp left my lips at his words.
Before I could think about how I was going to respond, he continued. "Look, I know you probably still love Damian. Those feelings don't disappear overnight. But we loved each other for four years, and I want to believe that those four years meant something. I've seen firsthand the things that guy's done to hurt you. I've seen him lie to you and intentionally cause you pain to make himself feel better. So when I heard from Deb that he hurt you again, I just couldn't stand it any longer. It hit me right then that I still cared and loved you. So I booked the first flight out here to see you and tell you that I love you. I needed you to know that I won't be the one to hurt you again."
"Chris, I … " I looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity in his words. But I also knew that my feelings for him had changed. I did still love him, but it was a different kind of love. It was the same love I had for Deb. "I care about you, Chris. It really touches my heart that you dropped everything in your life to fly out here to see me when you knew I was in a bad place, but-"
He put his hand to my mouth. "Don't," he insisted. "Just hear me out. Please."
"I-"
"Please, Alexis. I flew all the way here to talk to you. Please just give me another fifteen minutes to say what I wanted to say."
I looked away from him and tried to figure out what to do.
"Alexis, I know the one big problem you have with Damian is that he's not ready to give up his bachelorhood life, let alone be a father."
I looked up at Chris, surprised by how accurate his words were.
"How did you know that?"
He chuckled lightly. "Alexis, I've known you for such a long time that I know how your mind works. And based on our conversations when you waiting for those text results and Damian's behavior when I last visited you, it's not hard to figure out what the problem is between the you two."
"It's not that big of a problem," I argued.
He shook his head and gave me a sympathetic nod. "Come on, hun. Let's not kid ourselves here. It's a huge problem. Instead of asking you what was going on with you, he thought the worst and then orchestrated a scene in front of all those strangers so that you could catch him getting a blowjob from another woman. He did all that so he could watch you run off in tears."
"But it didn't actually happen," I reasoned.
He shook his head in disagreement. "It doesn't matter whether it happened or not. It matters that he intentionally did that to hurt you. It matters that he didn't try to handle this privately between the two of you. It matters that he intentionally wanted to embarrass and hurt you in front of a bar full of people."
Tears streamed down my face as Chris forced me to relive that low moment in my relationship with Damian. I didn't want to think about the way Damian had treated me back then. I didn't want to think about Damian as someone who could have ever chosen to hurt me like that.
"Why are you saying this, Chris?"
"I'm not trying to hurt you, Alexis. Quite the opposite! I want you to see the truth! I don't want him to pull the wool over your eyes. You're too smart for that."
"Chris, you don't know what you're talking about. Damian has changed! I've seen it. No, he's not perfect, and there are definitely things I'm worried about, but I still love him."
"Alexis, I want you to think about your unborn child. I don't think Damian is ready to be a father. He's not reliable."
"How do you know that?" As angry as I was at Chris's words, I knew there was some truth to them.