She had plagued my mind ever since that text two weeks ago. Since Italy, I'd had some time to think. I was torn between who I'd thought she was with the possibility that she was exactly like my mother. My mind screamed that all the signs pointed to the same thing: Alexis was pregnant with Chris's child. The secret texts and calls between Alexis and Chris, the call Alexis had had with the doctor's office about an upcoming appointment to find out some test results, the fact that Chris was the name of Alexis's most recent ex-boyfriend, the fact that I hadn't seen Alexis drink a drop of alcohol in the last two weeks, and-my hands punched the steering wheel in anger at the last thought-the fact that Alexis hadn't let me fuck her for several days now.
Even though I knew all this, I couldn't shake this feeling that I had it all wrong. I couldn't seem to accept that Alexis was with Chris and had played me for a fool. No matter how my head laid out all the facts, my heart rejected the thought that the first and only woman I'd ever had any sort of feelings for would hurt me like this.
But your mother was able to fool the man you thought was your father that she was faithful for over twenty years! a voice screamed inside. Don't be as stupid as that man!
I shook my head, trying to get rid of that voice. I stepped farther down onto the gas and beelined through the Saturday morning traffic. I'd been waiting for her to tell me the truth about Chris and what she'd been hiding from me. I wanted to be patient with her because a part of me didn't want to believe that she was anything like my mother. But I wasn't sure how long I would be able to hold on to my patience.
My blood began to boil as my mind raced with images of Alexis and Chris together. It wasn't until I parked in front of my bar that I realized my knuckles were bone white from gripping the steering wheel too tightly. I knew I needed to see Alexis. Thinking about her with another man was bad enough, but not having sex for the last three days was pushing me into a state of frenzy.
I jumped out of the car and ran up the steps to the second floor. I knocked on Unit 205.
A minute later, Alexis opened the door, and I saw the deer-in-headlights expression on her face.
"Hi!" she exclaimed in a high-pitched voice.
"Hey, baby!" I pulled her toward me and kissed her on the forehead.
"Did we have plans to hang out this morning? I wasn't expecting you." She smiled at me, but it wasn't that warm smile that caused my stomach to flip-the smile I'd loved so much that caused a cute, tiny dimple to appear right above the left corner of her soft, pink lips. This smile was empty.
"No, we didn't have plans, but I wanted to see you. Why? Are you busy with something?" I casually looked over her shoulder, half expecting Chris to appear behind her shoulders. Stop being so fucking paranoid! I tried to reason with myself. Since Italy, Alexis and I had spent most of our free time together. I'd also asked Beth, one of the bartenders at Damian's, to keep an out on when she came and went from her apartment building. I told her that Alexis had an ex-boyfriend who had taken advantage of her in the past and I was concerned for her. So far, Beth hadn't seen anything suspicious.
"No, I'm not busy at all. I just woke up." She yawned as she rubbed her eyes.
I looked at my watch. "It's eleven a.m."
"Yeah. I guess I was really tired last night." I watched her shift slightly as she looked at her feet.
"How are you feeling?"
"What do you mean?" She looked up at me in concern. "I'm fine." Her eyes seemed swollen and she looked like she hadn't slept at all last night.
I brushed my hand across her neck and tilted her face up toward me. My thumb caressed her cheek and I gently kissed her forehead. Something's wrong. Why does she look so sad? As I watched her downcast demeanor, I felt every shred of anger I had for her melt away. I realized how much I wanted to see her happy.
"Well I know you got off work early yesterday because you felt under the weather. And then you never came down to the bar last night to see me. You just sent me a text saying you didn't feel well and was heading to bed."
"Yeah. I wasn't feeling well yesterday." She looked up at me, but when I met her gaze, her quickly looked away.
"I stopped by after I received your last text with some homemade chicken noodle soup, but you didn't answer your door."
"What? You cooked?" There was a genuine look of surprise on her face.
I chuckled, glad to see something besides sadness on her face. "Okay, you got me. I didn't cook. It is homemade though!"
I saw the confusion on her face and laughed. "Some nice lady at a restaurant made it. She said it was a family recipe." I pulled her closer to me and gave her a wink. "But I did walk five miles in the blistering cold, uphill both ways, and even fought off a homeless person to get the soup."
She giggled and rolled her eyes. "What does that really mean?" she challenged.
"Okay. Fine, fine. It wasn't cold at all and there were no hills. But there was a bum, but he was fast asleep on a corner of the street." I shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile. "And I just walked down the block and back."
"You're such a liar." She slapped me playfully against the chest and smiled up at me. Yes, the smile is back. As the warmth of her smile radiated through me, I realized how much I'd missed that smile-how much I'd lived for that smile.
"Sorry about last night. I was really tired and didn't want to get out of bed. I must have been asleep when you stopped by with the soup. I'm sorry you went to the trouble for nothing." She frowned apologetically.
"It's okay. I'm glad you got a chance to rest. And don't worry about the soup. I gave it to the homeless guy. Seemed like he was in need of a good meal."
"That's so sweet of you." She pulled me down and kissed me gently. "Thank you for being so thoughtful," she whispered between our lips.
"Anything to see a smile on those lips." I smiled at her and wished I could push the doubts from my head. "So how are you feeling today?"
"I'm okay now." She gave me a reassuring smile.
"You sure?"
She nodded. She pulled me closer and buried her face into my chest. "It's good to see you," she whispered.
I let out a deep sigh and held her tight around me, wishing things could be this simple, with her in my arms. The warmth of her body within my arms seemed to wash away all the anxiety and frustration I'd been feeling. You have no idea how much I need you. You are my oxygen, and I need you to feel alive. I wanted to say these things to her, but something made me hold back those words. I couldn't bare my soul to her when I knew there was something she wasn't telling me.
"So you want to grab breakfast or something?" she asked, finally breaking the perfect silence between us.
"Actually, I had another idea." I smiled down at her and felt a need grow at the pit of my stomach. My cock twitched, reminding me what had been missing for the last few days.
"Does it involve food? I'm starving."
"Sure. We'll pick up some food on the way." I grabbed her hand. "Come on. Grab your keys. I want to show you something."
I saw the confusion in her eyes. "What?"
"Come on! I bought something and I want you to see it!" I led her down the stairs.
"What's gotten into you? What did you get?" She looked at me nervously as I pushed open the front door leading out to the street.
"Isn't it fucking sick?" I motioned to the sleek black Mustang.
"What? You bought a car?" Her mouth gaped open as she stared at the car in disbelief.
"Come on! Jump in!" I opened the passenger door and motioned for her to get in. She got in as she stared at me with wide eyes.
"Wait, when did you get a car?" she asked as she put on the seatbelt.
"This morning." I gave her wicked smile and wink. "I was in the mood for something spontaneous."
"Oh."
As we drove off, I looked over at her, wondering what she was thinking.
For a few agonizing minutes in silence, I pulled over in front of a deli. "Everything okay?" I glanced over at her and she met my eyes.
"Yeah." She cleared her throat and turned to smile at me.
I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I tried to keep calm. There was something about the emptiness of her smile that caused me to panic. "Is something on your mind? You seem like you're deep in thought."
"No. Well, I guess this car is a bit of surprise."