“I don’t think you’re the person I should be talking to about him.”
My shoulders tight, I shrugged like this whole conversation didn’t piss me the fuck off and make me feel fucking impotent all at the same time. “Sometimes you give up on the best choice and settle for the only choice.” But I didn’t want to be this woman’s only choice, I wanted to be her choice.
“I’m not sure talking about it would help us.”
My stupid heart jumped at her last word. I knew I shouldn’t, but I fucking asked anyway. “There’s an us?”
“No.”
Reality stomped down.
“I wasn’t talking about when…” she trailed off, leaving the last part hanging.
No way was I going to let that slide. “I’ve touched you every way a man can touch a woman, Siren.” She needed to be reminded. “You can say sex.”
She glanced behind us but I’d already looked when she’d started talking.
“She’s not listenin’ to us.”
Snoring, her jacket over head, Kendall was out.
Siren was quiet a moment. “Was it just sex?”
I looked at her as the passing street lights flickered across her face. Everything she’d been through showed in her expression like an open wound. “No,” I said firmly.
She quickly looked away. “You should be with someone…easier.”
“I don’t want easy.”
“I’m not ready to talk about this.”
“I am.” I pushed.
She shrunk toward her door.
I couldn’t take another second of not touching her. I held my hand out and lowered my voice. “Reach for me.” I couldn’t make the first move, not after tonight. She had to come to me.
“It’s not right,” she whispered.
When she didn’t say no, my heart rate kicked up. “What we shared wasn’t wrong.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Please don’t do this.”
“Then tell me you don’t want me.” I was an asshole for pushing her right now but she needed to pick a side. “Tell me and I’ll leave you alone.” As much as it killed me to say it, I knew I had to.
She didn’t speak. She didn’t move.
I dropped my voice to a quiet command. “Take my hand.”
Shaking, she started to lift her hand off her thigh.
I didn’t hesitate. I took her small hand and wrapped my fingers through hers. A quiet but anguished sob broke free and she turned to me. Holding the steering wheel with my knee, I cupped the back of her head and brought her to my chest. “It’s okay.” I kissed her hair, her forehead. “I got you, darlin’, I got you.”
She dissolved into tears.
Stroking her hair, her back, I comforted her as best as I could from the driver seat but she only cried harder. “Hang tight, Siren.” I cut across the lanes and flew down the next exit ramp. As soon as I was off the highway, I pulled over and threw my door open. “Shh, shh, baby, I’m comin’ to you. Just hold on a sec.” Untangling myself from her grip, I jumped out and rushed to her side. Wrenching the door open, I unlatched her seat belt, pulled her from the car and took her into my arms. “I gotcha now, darlin’. I’m right here. Let it out.” I whispered every comforting thing I could think of as I held her tight.
The anguished sobbing wracking her small frame destroyed me.
“Shh, it’s gonna be okay. I’m right here. I got you.”
She cried harder.
Her tears soaked my shirt and bled into my heart. I’d caused this. Me. Every bullshit thing I’d said about not being sorry, I wanted to take back. I cupped her face and tilted her head up. When she looked at me, I broke. “I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”
Her chest shook with restrained grief, she closed her eyes and every muscle in her tortured body gave up. Her arms fell from my waist and her knees gave out.
“Fuck.” I caught her and almost fell back against the Challenger. Kicking the passenger door shut, I slid to the ground with her in my arms.
Cradling her to my chest, I did the only thing I could. I rocked her.
But she didn’t stop crying.
I wiped her tears. I brushed her hair from her face. I held her as tight as I dared.
And I watched her heart break.
I remembered the day I lost my wife. “You have to feel it, darlin’.” I knew grief. “You have to let it happen.” I stroked her hair.
Her pain cutting through her, her body wrecked, she simply let the grief take over.
I couldn’t do a thing for her.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
WATCHING SIREN BREAK CRUSHED ME. I would have swallowed my pride and taken every hit Randy had dished out if I’d thought in the end it would’ve made a difference but Siren was right. Randy didn’t want to live. He’d given up and he gave up on her. The second he’d fired that shotgun, he knew he was dead. He wasn’t trying to save Nic. He wasn’t being fucking honorable. He’d wanted a quick death because he knew if Maldonado’s men got a hold of him, he’d suffer. They would’ve tortured him for information on the LC’s operations, so he’d used me. He’d pulled that trigger and fucking used me.