He turned abruptly, crossing over to the coffee table where he’d chucked the morning paper. Flicked it open to the gossip pages. And sure enough, a massive photo of him and Lisa took up most of the space. The caption screamed ‘Abs of Steele gets freak on with ex, Lisa Vine!’ The way the picture was taken made it look like they were standing even closer than they had been, Lisa’s hand on his arm possessive. The look on her face was hungry, the look on his…longing. Though it hadn’t been Lisa he’d been longing for. It had been Judith.
Jesus Christ. She shouldn’t have to see that. Shouldn’t have to deal with that. If he’d listened to what his gut had been telling him this whole time, to keep his distance, not get close, she wouldn’t have to. But he hadn’t listened. And now here was another reminder of everything he was trying to put behind him.
He cursed, low and vicious under his breath.
Shit, what was the point even trying in the first place? Jude needed more than anything he could possibly give her. She needed someone who’d be there for her, stand by her. Who’d never leave her side. Who wouldn’t have compromising photos of them with their ex published in the daily paper at the very least.
Someone he wasn’t. How could he be? He didn’t want to care again. Didn’t want to give everything he was to another person again, to give them the power to hurt him like his father had. To go to the ends of the earth for someone only to have them throw it all back in his face, show him how little he meant.
Which meant his friend was right. He’d wasn’t good enough for Judith and he never would be.
“Cal?” Judith’s voice came from behind him, a hand on his back.
He turned and there she was, so close. “There,” he said bluntly, standing aside so she could see the photo of him and Lisa. “That’s the photo Joe was talking about.”
She glanced down at it. “Oh.”
He’d said the words before, to so many women. Still, this was the first time saying them felt like a knife in his heart. “I think it’s time, Jude. Time to stop seeing each other.”
Slowly she raised her head. Her eyes had gone dark, the color draining from her face and he realized this was going to be even worse than he’d thought. “What? Why? I thought…I thought you told me nothing happened with her.”
“Nothing did. But the real question is do you believe me?”
Her mouth opened then she glanced down at the picture again. “I do believe you.”
“Do you? What about after the third picture? Or the fourth? The tenth? Will you still believe me then?
“There won’t be—”
“You’re wrong, darling,” he said softly. “There will always be pictures like this one. They’re never going to go away. Remember Steve from the Herald? He’ll always be there. My past will always be there. I can’t escape it and if we stay together, neither will you.”
That was the reality they had to face. And it wasn’t a reality he wanted for her.
She looked at him, blue eyes wide in her pale face “That’s why you want us to break up? Because of your past?”
The snowball froze solid, a huge ball of ice in his gut, spreading out, freezing the blood in his veins. He still wanted her, still desired her. Just looking at her wearing his shirt, her legs bare, her hair mussed, made him hard. Made him want to take her to bed and never let her out of it. Made his whole body ache with longing for her.
But he couldn’t—wouldn’t—do that. He’d promised her he wouldn’t hurt her, yet he’d have to break that promise. If only to save her from more pain in the long run.
“Yes.” He had to force the words out. “It won’t work, Jude. You know it won’t.”
A bright flash of pain showed clearly in her eyes then suddenly she turned away. “Yes, okay. Sure. You’re right. Of course you’re right.” Her hands moved to the buttons of the shirt. “In that case isn’t it time you left, too?” She pulled the shirt open and the breath left his lungs as she took it off and dropped it on the floor, leaving her standing there wearing nothing at all.
“What are you doing?” he asked hoarsely, his whole body gathering tight at the sight of her.
Her eyes were like chips of blue glass. “Taking off your clothes, what does it look like? You’re going to need them when you leave.”
Then she turned on her heel and walked out.
…
She was so stupid. The stupidest woman in all the stupid world.
Judith stalked into the bedroom and went straight to the dresser, hauling out a random lot of clothes. She didn’t bother to check what they were. She didn’t bother to see if they were ironed. She didn’t even care if they were clean. What did that matter, when it felt like Caleb had just scooped her heart straight out of her chest with a rusty spoon?