Her body had gone rigid against him. “No,” she said tightly. “No, you didn’t. It’s just…It’s just been a while since I… Since I had sex with anyone.”
“What do you mean a while?”
“Exactly that. A while.”
It wasn’t any of his business and yet he found himself desperate to know. “How long, Jude?”
There was a long silence. Then she said, “A couple of years.”
“That’s a long time.” Eons from his perspective.
“Yes. I suppose it is.”
“Why, though?”
Judith pulled away and this time he didn’t stop her as she began putting her clothing to rights with small, precise movements. “That’s not really any of your business.”
No, it wasn’t and he had no right to ask her about it. And yet a primal part of him, a very male part, wanted to know. “Maybe not. But if anyone hurt—”
“Nobody hurt me. It was my choice. I told you I didn’t do casual, remember? Anyway, it’s no big deal.”
She’d gone all distant on him so clearly something was a big deal. Something she didn’t want to tell him about.
Awkwardly he turned away, dealing with the condom and chucking it into a nearby trash bin before he grabbed his trousers and hauled them on. “No big deal? So why won’t you tell me what the problem is?”
She lifted her chin, her hands on her hips. “There is no problem. Sex has just never been all that important to me.”
It felt like a slap in the face. “Never?”
A wash of color surged through her pale skin. “I only meant that it’s never been that big of a deal.”
Yet he couldn’t leave it alone. “So sex with me wasn’t ever that big of a deal?”
She smoothed her hair, pushing the inky strands behind her ears. “No, don’t be silly. You were earth-shattering, naturally.” There was amusement in her voice but it sounded a little forced. She moved over to the table where he’d left his jacket, shirt and tie, and began to gather them up.
“Jude.”
“What?” She straightened, throwing his clothes over her arm then coming back over to where he stood. “Typical man. It’s all about you, huh?”
Frustration burned in his chest. She’d done this before in the locker rooms, too. Pretended she was fine, that everything was A-okay. His instinct now was to push, make her tell him what was wrong, but the problem was he suspected he already knew—somehow, in some way he’d hurt her.
He took his shirt from her and put it on, not bothering with the buttons. Shrugged on his jacket. Balled up his tie and stuck it in the pocket of his trousers. Then he said, “This isn’t all there is, Jude. You know that, right? I’m going to be around for you.”
Her dark brows pulled together. “Yes, I know. But…” She hesitated.
“You still don’t trust me, do you?”
“I want to. Believe me, I do. It’s just…” A breath escaped her. “There’s been a lot of people who’ve let me down, Cal. Mum. Joseph.” Another hesitation. “You.”
A hollow feeling settled in his gut. “I said I was going to make it up to you and I will.”
“I know. But sex won’t make all those other issues go away.”
Dammit. Why couldn’t it be that simple? Then again, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t told him. This was the first step. “What more can I do then? How can I make it right?”
She crossed her arms, a self-protective gesture that made him want to hold her. “Just…be there for me, Caleb. When I need you. And be yourself. Not that other guy.”
He didn’t need to ask which other guy she meant. He knew already. “Okay,” he said. “Okay, I’ll try.”
An awkward silence fell.
She gave him a strained smile. “Do you mind if we don’t do this again for a while? I need…some time.”
Yeah, he minded. He wanted her again. In his arms, in his bed. For as long as he could. But shit, if she needed time he’d give her as much as she wanted. “Of course I don’t mind. Well, I guess I should go in that case. Things to do. People to see.”
Her arms dropped and she clasped her hands together. “Okay, sure.” Her knuckles were white. “Well, bye, Caleb.”
If he kept up this smile any longer his whole bloody face was going to crack. “Bye, Jude.”
He wanted to kiss her or hold her, just once more, but she was doing a fine impression of a plank of wood, so he put his hands in his pockets instead and turned away toward the door.
Winning Judith Ashton clearly wasn’t going to be easy. But hell, she would be worth it.