He yanked his shirt over his head. “Obviously, you want to know all about it. Or we wouldn’t be fighting about it.”
Wait, what? “We’re not fighting.” She grabbed his hand. “We’re not—”
He snorted. “I might not know much about relationships, but I know a fucking fight when I see one.”
He’s right. We’re totally fighting. “Holt—”
“And I also know that fights always end with the man giving in, so fine. You…you want to hear all the gory details? Want to hear how I watched every single guy around me die? Want to hear how the one guy I was friends with, who I was closest with, begged me to finish him off as he bled out on the field?” Shoving his arms into his sleeves, he glared at her through his glasses. As he’d spoken, his voice got louder and louder until he was practically shouting at her. “The animals were howling in the woods, so he knew it was only a matter of time till they came looking for food. And he didn’t want to be alive for it.”
Her stomach turned at the thought of what he’d gone through. What he’d seen…and yes, done. It wasn’t too hard to guess whether or not he’d done what his friend had asked. “Holt…”
“I did it, you know. I put him out of his misery. I killed him.” He locked gazes with her and sat down. “I did it because he asked me to, and I’d expect someone to do the same thing for me if I asked. But I have nightmares. Every. Fucking. Night. I relive it, every night. So why the hell would I want to tell you about it, so you can relive it, too? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Especially not you.”
She crawled across the bed and onto his lap. Straddling him, she hugged him. Just…hugged him. Because he seemed like he really needed a hug, and she wished she hadn’t started this conversation in the first place. “I’m so sorry. So sorry you had to do that, and even sorrier that I kind of, sort of, forced you to tell me.”
For a second, his arms hovered at his sides, as if he didn’t know how to hug someone back. But then closed his arms around her and squeezed, letting out a broken breath. He buried his face in her neck and shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I…I didn’t mean to.”
“Shh.” She rubbed his back, not daring to move. Not just then. He’d opened up to her, and then he’d stayed. That was huge, and she knew it. “It’s okay.”
He set his hands on her shoulders and tugged her back. “It’s not…not really. You have a right to know, if we’re going to make this thing between us real. You should know how much of a mess you’re getting into.”
Swallowing hard, she nodded. “Okay. Yeah. But I don’t think you’re a mess. And I never will. I think you’ve been through a lot, seen a lot, but that doesn’t make you a mess. Or a bad guy. It makes you a hero.”
He flexed his jaw. “Hell no. I’m not one of those.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree.” She forced a smile. “Because you’ll never get me to change my mind.”
“Now that you know what I did—who I am—do you…?” He cleared his throat and swallowed. “Do you still want to try this? Because I’m not kidding when I say I have nightmares. I do.”
Her heart twisted, but she forced her smile to remain firmly in place. “I drool. A lot.”
“Uh?” he blinked. “That’s not even close to the same thing.”
Shaking her head, she somehow managed to look dead serious. “Sure it is. Wait till you roll over into a puddle of it in the middle of the night. Then say that it’s not a deal breaker for you.”
For a second, he stared at her. Then he laughed, and all of the worry and tension faded away. “Shit. What the hell am I getting myself into?”
“I don’t know. You might want to run while you can.”
“Uh uh.” He tugged her until she laid flat on her back, and trailed his fingers down her bare skin. In all the emotions of the past few minutes, she’d forgotten that she was naked…while he no longer was. “I don’t scare off that easily.”
Her muscles clenched at his touch. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” He splayed his hand across her stomach. “It might be crazy to think that something like this could actually work, but you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why would it be crazy?” she asked softly. He watched her, but wasn’t really there. He seemed lost in thought. “What’s so crazy about us being together?”