“You look sad. What’s the matter?” he asked. “Have you been with someone else?”
She moved away.
“Yes and no.”
“What do you mean, yes and no?”
Erica glanced at her hands then back at him. “I haven’t been physical with anyone else. Ben and I, well, we fooled around a little.”
“Only fooled around?” he asked. She nodded her head.
He laughed. “I’m not going to hold that against you, Erica. I fucked up. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you hadn’t slept with other men to rid your mind of me. I’m pleased you didn’t. It makes what we have a little more special.”
Chris caressed her face, kissing her on the lips. “Let’s eat.”
Chapter Seven
Ben sat nursing a beer as he thought about what Erica had said to him. The attraction he felt towards Martin was wrong. Ever since they’d grown into adolescents he’d been drawn to the other man. Martin was his life-long friend. Ben never wanted to ruin the friendship he had, but how could he carry on watching him with other people?
He had truly thought with the right woman all of his desire for men would disappear. For a short time he had felt Erica had been that woman. She was smart and fun to be around. He did find her attractive to look at. But no matter how many times he tried to fantasize about her naked or having sex with her, nothing ever stirred him. Even now as he sat with a beer thinking about sex with her, his cock lay flaccid in his pants.
“Fucking traitor.”
“Who’s a fucking traitor? Are you still nursing a crush for Erica?” Martin asked as he walked into the kitchen where Ben was sat at the counter. His pulse quickened as his friend grew closer to him. Taking a sip of his beer he tried to distract himself from the pleasure of seeing his friend. Erica had been right about his attraction to Martin. He thought he’d kept his feelings about the other man close to his chest.
“Nothing to do with Erica. She’s out with her man right now.” He smiled thinking about how happy she looked when Chris was mentioned. She really wanted it to work this time. He hoped it did. Erica deserved happiness. Most people did. Her past was still a grey area to him. She rarely talked about anything but work or stuff to do.
“Is that why she’s been all cheery lately? I thought you were going steady with her?” Martin pulled himself a beer from the fridge. Ben couldn’t help but admire his firm ass.
Get a grip. He’s not yours.
“No. We thought about it. We’re both without partners and want to start a family and everything.” He wanted kids, but his lack of attraction to women could be a problem.
“Then at least you both realise it now rather than later on.”
“Huh?”
“That you’re both not suited together. When kids are involved it can get a bit messy.”
Ben nodded his head. The words he wanted to say to the man in front of him were on the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t get them to come out. They were alone, talking about his lack of a relationship. This was his golden opportunity.
Tell him how you feel, Ben.
“It would have never worked. We both knew she was in love with Chris from the start. She never hid it from me. That part of her past she’d told. The other part about her family she refused to.”
“Yeah, we can’t help who we love. I’m going out to the others. Come and join us when you’re ready.” Martin reached out, touching his hands. “She’ll be out there.”
“Who?”
“The right woman for you. You’ll find her and never look back.”
Good going.
Ben looked behind him watching Martin disappear from view. Why couldn’t he come clean? He was tired of playing the spare wheel. Watching Martin with other women was killing him. Grabbing his bottle he walked over to his bedroom.
He knew he’d have to come clean soon. Living a life constantly yearning for a man he could never have was not the answer.
Ben sat down on his chair looking out at the guys on the beach. None of them knew. How had Erica known?
You’d been with her for weeks. She’s bound to know something.
He enjoyed her curves against him and appreciated her full body, but beyond that he got nothing else from her.
Martin came into view. Ben felt his world fall apart watching the man he loved with someone else. Throwing his bottle in the trash can, he grabbed his coat and left the beach house. He didn’t know where he was going. There was a small town nearby. He walked the distance trying to clear his head. The last time he’d visited with the guys there had been a club where men could go and have a drink and find company for a few short hours. At least, that is how he saw it.