“Like the purple,” she called as Kara made her way to the front door. “Though I thought you were going au natural.”
Kara didn’t turn, merely waved a hand. “I decided au natural sucks balls. See ya later.”
Ellie lay there for a few minutes, slightly puzzled by her friend’s response. Then, knowing she had to get up now or she’d lie there all day feeling sorry for herself, she put Kara out of her mind and hauled herself off the couch.
There was one thing in particular she wanted to do today, and she was not looking forward to it. Nevertheless, it had to be done.
Half an hour later, fully armored up in jeans, boots and a black tank top, Ellie pulled open the door to Vin’s office and walked right in.
Her brother was sitting in his office chair, scowling at something on his computer. Clearly he had some kind of meeting with a bank or the city council, or someone else high powered because he was in a dark, charcoal gray suit. It made him look ridiculously handsome.
His head jerked up, dark brows lowering when he saw her.
“Ellie. I can’t talk now. I’ve got a meeting in—”
“Shut up and listen to me, Vin,” Ellie said, cutting him off. She put her hands flat on his desk, looked him in the eye. “You can’t fire Hunter.”
Vin’s scowl deepened, his jaw tightening. “Of course I can’t fire him, idiot. He owns half the business.”
“Whatever. I don’t want you hurting him again.”
“Look, that son of a bitch was supposed to protect you and he broke—”
“You’re his best friend, Vin. And you hurt him. You hurt him deliberately. And that makes me so pissed. I told you I didn’t want you doing your stupid alpha male protective shit and I bloody meant it. Especially on him!”
Her brother looked away from her. Abruptly he pushed himself out of his chair, stalked to the window then came back again. Finally he met her gaze. “He just about brought you up, Ellie. He was there for you. He got to spend time with you. And…and I wasn’t. I couldn’t. I’m your bloody brother and yet Hunter probably knows you better than I do.”
“Oh right, so that’s what it’s all about. You’re jealous.” Which was pretty much what Hunter had told her yesterday.
Vin let out a breath. “Yeah. Yeah, what the hell, I’m jealous. And I hate that you’re leaving soon and he’s the one getting all your attention. I hate that you care so much about him, when all he wants is a bloody screw.”
Ellie’s throat constricted. “Vin, you’re my brother. I love you. I know what you did for me. I know it was hard. Believe me, I know.”
But he just shook his head. “No, Ellie. No, you don’t have the first fucking clue.”
A part of her longed to go round the desk, put her arms around him, give him a hug. Make him feel better. Help him in any way she could. But that’s what she’d been doing all her life. Making others feel better.
Today—hell, for the rest of her freaking life—it was going to be about her.
She straightened. “I’m sorry about that. I truly am. But I can’t do anything about the past. And I’m not going to apologise for loving Hunter. What I want is for you to stop hurting him because of me.”
Vin’s blue eyes glittered. “So everything I told you yesterday, about his stepmother, that made no difference to you?”
“No. You only said it because you were being a prick. Because you wanted to hurt him. You know damn well that what went on with his stepmother has got nothing whatsoever to do with what’s between him and me.”
A streak of red stained his high, carved cheekbones. But at least he had the grace not to look away. “So you’re in love with him then?”
“Of course I am. I’ve been in love with him for years.” Vin opened his mouth but Ellie held up her hand, stopping him. “And yes, before you say anything else, I know he doesn’t love me back. But I can handle that.” Not really. “What I can’t handle is you punishing him for something that was never his fault.”
“Oh bullshit. He could have said no to you.”
“I made it rather difficult for him to do that.”
A tense silence fell.
Vin pulled at his tie as if the thing was suffocating him. “So what do you want me to do? I’m not bloody apologising so you can forget that right now.”
“I want you to make it right between you two, Vin. I don’t care how you do it but you have to. And if you can’t do it before I go, then after. Can you promise me that?”
He let out an audible breath but said nothing. The stubborn prick.
“If you don’t say the words, you can’t say goodbye to me at the airport.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would.” And she let him see the steel.
“Fuck,” Vin muttered. “All right, fine. I’ll make it right. I promise.”
A small knot of tension uncoiled inside her heart. Okay, so Hunter may not want her, but that didn’t mean he had to lose Vin as well.
“I want you to mean it too.”
“Jesus, Ellie.”
“He doesn’t have anyone else, Vin. And he needs someone, okay? Don’t ruin your friendship over something petty like jealousy.”
For a long minute her brother didn’t say anything. Then his blue gaze met hers. “I hate that he hurt you.”
“I know. But I went into it with my eyes wide open. I knew exactly what I was doing.” And she had. Kind of. “I don’t regret it.”
Vin sighed. “Ellie…I’m sorry.” He didn’t add to it but she knew what he meant. About everything.
“It’s okay,” she said and she didn’t qualify that either. Because that too meant everything was okay.
Just about everything.
Hunter wasn’t able to sleep after Ellie left. Eventually, around five in the morning, he got up and went down into the garage, hoping working on the Norton would help. But he couldn’t seem to concentrate on that either.
He felt hollowed out, cold. Alone in a way he hadn’t felt since his father had kicked him out of the house.
All he kept seeing was Ellie looking at him with such anguish in her eyes.
You’ll never love me, will you? You don’t even know what it means…
He thought he did. Because he’d been in love with Liz, hadn’t he? Why else had he kept returning to her? Why else had he kept doing what he knew was wrong? It had to be love. It had to be.
But then Ellie had told him she was in love with him. Just said it aloud, without shame. Without any embarrassment or any guilt, at least not that he could see. And he knew that somehow, in some way, her love was different. Though the pain that went along with it, that wasn’t. That was exactly the same.
With a start he realised he’d been staring at the bike for a good five minutes without doing a single bloody thing. Cursing, he dumped the socket wrench he’d been holding and left the garage, restless and aching.
Aching for something he didn’t understand.
He went into the house, into the kitchen. Began making himself a coffee. His chest hurt and every so often he thought he heard someone moving around and had to stop to listen, just to check he was alone in the house. And every time he heard silence he felt bitterly disappointed.
You miss her.
Hunter stared into the polished metal of the jug. Yeah, well, of course he missed her. She’d always been around after all and now she wasn’t here. Missing her was natural, wasn’t it?
You let her leave.
He rested his hip against the kitchen counter. Folded his arms over the hollow feeling in his chest. Yes, he’d let her leave. Oh, he hadn’t wanted her to go, wanted to keep her here, in his bed, until the time came for her to fly out to Japan. But she’d been so strong in the end. Unyielding. And after she’d told him what she wanted, offering her what little he had to give had seemed paltry. She’d never have accepted it anyway.
I’m worth more than that…
Of course she was. She was worth more than anything he could give her.
The jug flicked off. He began making the coffee, rote movements, barely paying attention to what he was doing. The alarm on his phone went off, a reminder that he needed to leave for work, but of course, he didn’t have work to go to today.
A weird emptiness opened up inside him, and he found himself catching his breath. Work had always been an escape, something for his brain to concentrate on. He’d never really asked himself why that was. Probably because deep inside, he knew the answer.
A way of putting distance between himself and what had happened to him all those years ago.
Say it, prick. Ellie could. So should you.
Okay, his abuse. It was a way of distancing himself from his abuse. Hunter closed his eyes, the acknowledgment settling down into his soul.
Yeah, he’d been abused. And it hurt and it made him so fucking angry, but that was the truth of it.
Restlessly he moved, old urges coming to the fore. Wanting to put a hand to the hot metal of the jug. Feel the burn. Feel the pain. Feel it cancel out the memories.
But the only memories that came were of Ellie. Of her arms around him, her voice in his ear, telling him it was okay. Her hands on his back, stroking gently. And he wanted the reality of her so badly his chest hurt. But she was gone. She’d walked out of his life and soon she’d be thousands of miles away.