Taking Chances(98)

Brandon continued to stare at my growing belly, his hand slowly moving so the kick hit perfectly into his hand each time. “I think you're wrong.” He said softly.

“What do you mean?”

“I'll bet he's happy you're in the water. He's gonna be a little surfer when he gets older.” He smiled sweetly at me.

“Oh is he now?” I touched the other side of my stomach and spoke, “Hate to burst your bubble little guy, but Mommy doesn't know how to surf. Sorry.”

“I'll teach him.”

My heart kicked up in pace, this conversation with the way we were positioned was now too intimate. Brandon must have realized it as well because he dropped his hand and stepped back a few feet.

“So,” he said breaking the silence, “you said you think he'll be early?”

“Yeah. Did I tell you the Doctor said he was measuring big and developing quickly?”

Brandon nodded.

“Well there's that, and I mean, I know everyone's bodies respond differently to pregnancy, but I'm a lot bigger than I'm supposed to be. I'm afraid I'm gaining too much weight.”

“You still look perfect, nothing about you has changed except for your stomach growing out.”

“But I looked at pictures of other expecting mothers, and I'm as big as the women that are twenty eight weeks. And that was when I looked over a week ago when I was only twenty two weeks. I didn't even really look today,” I frowned when I realized how long it'd been since I paid attention to what was going on with my gummy bear. I didn't even know where my What To Expect book was anymore, “but this shirt is tighter than it was...I think I wore it the day before the funeral.”

“Harper, I promise you look beautiful. I honestly think you've looked more beautiful over the last couple months than I've ever seen you. And that's saying something. You're probably just going to have a big baby, I mean Chase was over six feet, it makes sense. Just be glad your son won't be short like you.”

I laughed, and it felt so good to laugh I wish it would have gone on longer. “Jerk.” I socked his arm pathetically. “I'm average height...kinda.” Brandon loved how small I was, since my body fit perfectly into his when we curled up with each other. But that didn't stop him or any of the other guys from constantly making fun of me and Bree for being short. It wasn't my fault Brandon was over a foot taller than me.

He held his hands up in mock surrender, “Just saying. Can you imagine having a boy that small? Girl, sure, but not a boy.”

“I guess you're right.” I smiled and reached out to interlace my fingers with his, immediately dropping my hand to my side when his look made me realize what I was doing, “I'm kind of tired, I'm going to take a nap.”

Brandon stared at me with an expression I couldn't name before he sighed and turned toward the beach, “I'll come with you.”

I stood there, heart aching, “This is why we can't do this. I can't be around you without slipping back into how we were.”

“I want –” He breathed heavily through his nose and dropped his head, fists on his narrow hips. “Harper,” he began again, turning to face me and stepping close, too close, “that should tell you something.” His big hands curled against my cheeks and I had to force my head not to respond.

When he was standing this close, I couldn't think clearly. Covering his hands with my own, I pulled them down and stepped away, “I can't Brandon,” tears started falling down my cheeks, “I can't handle this. Not right now.” He just died. The father of my baby just died. It didn't matter if I loved Brandon too, that would be a slap in the face to Chase's memory and his family. I started back up the beach and when I spotted Bree and Konrad watching us, took off running towards them.

Bree hugged me fiercely, when I pulled away she gave me a knowing look. I didn't ask what she thought she knew, just helped them fold up the blanket so the four of us could go out to eat. Brandon didn't touch me again, other than to hug me goodbye late that night. It hadn't been awkward during lunch, the movie or dinner, we still spoke and laughed with Konrad and Bree, we were just aware of that invisible line we had to make sure we didn't cross.





14





The front door shut and my heart started racing. I forced myself to remain calm and slowly finish getting ready for the day, but my body was aching to go downstairs. Brandon had come over every day since operation Get Bree and Harper Out of the House two weeks ago, and I’m reluctant to admit I craved the hours he was here. He tried to give me space by spending a good chunk of time with Konrad, Bree and Mom, but whenever I would glance up, his eyes would be on me and I always seemed to gravitate toward him. Having him near made my days better and chest lighter, as soon as he left for the night I’d struggle with anxiety until I could curl up in Chase’s old bed and grip one of his shirts that smelled like him. I felt pathetic, but I was getting a little better each day. We all were.