“You need to get out of bed Harper. You're going to take a shower, we're going to get you out in the sun, and you're going to try to resume your life.”
Shaking my head, I roughly whispered, “I can't.”
“You need to. Chase wouldn't want this, and you need to take care of your baby.” I opened my mouth and I swear it's like he read my mind, “Eating and taking your vitamins isn't enough. The funeral was five days ago Harper, you need to get out of this house.”
“Why are you here? And why aren't you in Arizona?”
“Bree called me. They're all worried about you Harper. This family is hurting, but they're trying to cope and move on. You need to too.”
“I don't know how,” I sobbed, “this is all my fault.”
“No it's not, this isn't anyone's fault.” Brandon pulled me onto his lap and cradled me to his chest.
“I should have told him I loved him. I shouldn't have let him leave. I should have trusted him. He died thinking I hated him!” I soaked his shirt in my tears as I continued to tell him everything I wish I could have changed from that day.
Brandon sat there silently rocking me back and forth until my sobs quieted and my tears ran dry. A few minutes later he climbed off the bed, with me still in his arms and walked me to the bathroom. He set me on the counter and turned the shower on, testing the water after a few minutes. Bree must have been waiting for this because she walked in moments after the water had started running. Brandon pulled me off the counter and kept his hands around my shoulders until I was steady. When he was convinced, he kissed my temple and walked out, saying he'd be waiting downstairs.
Bree helped me undress and shower, I couldn't even find it in me to be embarrassed by her having to care for me like I was a toddler. Actually, I think a toddler would have been easier. I just stood there not moving or helping at all. I had to admit though, I felt more alive after pouring out my thoughts to Brandon and the shower, than I had since I saw Chase get pulled from his truck. We dried my hair, Breanna put make-up on my face and picked out an outfit for me to wear. I would have been perfectly happy with wet hair, sweats and a bare face, but according to her, unless I began taking care of myself I wouldn't start healing. What those two things have to do with each other? I have no idea. But she just lost her brother, and she seemed to be doing much better than I was, so I didn't complain or ask questions.
I heard sighs of relief when I walked down the stairs and immediately went into Mom's arms, then Chase's grandmother's. Claire's mom had decided to stay with us for a while, I just hadn't realized she was still here. I apologized for hiding from them and promised to start living and taking care of myself. Once again, I’d failed to think of everyone else, I had only been concerned with my own hurt. We all sat around the kitchen table talking while Mom kept shoving pieces of fruit my way. I really wasn't hungry, but I knew she was worried so I kept eating everything that was set in front of me. Konrad walked in an hour later and after a lingering kiss to Bree, he hugged the rest of us and patted my stomach. I'd forgotten he was living here now too. After the accident, he'd decided not to go back to Oregon. From his wet hair, I'm guessing he'd just gotten back from working out and showering.
“You guys ready to go?” He asked, pulling Bree up from the chair.
“We're going somewhere?” I tried not to frown, they were all right, I needed to get out.
“Just having a day out, you girls need it.”
Bree and I looked at each other and started walking for the door. Mom and Nana had their own day out planned and gave us strict instructions not to come back until the earliest, ten. Thirteen hours away from the house, and away from Chase's things. I had to take a few deep breaths before continuing out the door. Brandon sat in the back with me, but stayed against the door on his side and I was glad for it. I appreciated how he'd been there for me since last Saturday morning, but I was afraid with how much I'd fallen into his arms during my emotional break downs, he would think I wanted him physically closer to me all the time.
Other than the music that was turned down low, the car ride to the beach was completely silent. We trudged towards the shore, Bree and I continued walking until we were a few feet from the tide while Konrad and Brandon set down the blanket and stood waiting for when we came back.
“I'm sorry I checked out Bree, I haven't even asked how you're doing since the funeral.”
“I'm dealing,” she sniffed and wiped at her cheeks, “you?”
I thought about that for a few minutes, “I'm really not sure. I thought I preferred being numb, but I can't live that way forever. Even after this short time since you and Brandon rescued me, I can see how bad it would be for me to continue on like that.”