“But?” She prompted.
“I love someone else too. He's begged me to leave Brandon, but I couldn't.” I choked on the last words.
“How could you not tell me about this? How could I not know…you're always with Brandon, I don't get it.” She started, “Wait. You're always with Brandon, when did this even happen?”
“The night you all went to LA.” I replied softly.
“You weren't sick?” She was mad I'd lied to her again.
“No, I just wanted to mope over him alone, and then he was there.”
“Where?”
“Here.”
“At the house? You invited him here?”
“No Bree, I didn't invite him over.” I watched her confused face, and after a few minutes I could practically see the light bulb click on.
“Oh shit.” She breathed. “You and Chase?”
I didn't respond, I just waited for her to start screaming, but it never happened.
“Why didn't you tell me Harper?” Her face was filled with hurt.
“I don't know,” I answered honestly, “I hated myself for doing that to Brandon. I could barely deal with it by myself, I didn't know how to tell anyone else. I wanted to tell you, I did. But since he's your brother, I thought you'd never be okay with it.”
“Does he know that you love him?”
Nodding I tried to speak around the lump in my throat, “He loves me too.”
After a few silent moments she spoke again, “It makes sense. We've all been so worried about him over the last few months, he's been distant and grumpy. Now that I'm thinking about it I can't believe no one realized he's only ever happy when you're both here.” She paused for a second, “What did he say last night?”
“He wanted me to make a choice between him and Brandon. I'd told him last month before you guys got back I needed a few weeks.”
“Did you choose Brandon?”
“Yeah,” it was barely a whisper, “If Brandon hadn't ever been in the picture, I still couldn't be with your brother. I love Chase, but I know he'd leave me. Whenever he gets mad or upset he'll avoid me for long periods of time. But Brandon is in the picture, and I just couldn't imagine myself leaving him.” I laughed but it sounded off, “All I wanted was to avoid hurting him, and now this? I'm going to crush him Bree. I'm such a horrible person.”
“A little,” she tried to laugh, “You're going to have to tell both of them.”
“I know, there's no way around this. I've never slept with Brandon, and Chase knows I've only ever been with him. Once Chase knows what's happening, he'll always be around me. You know he won't leave my side, and Brandon will find out he's the dad.” My body felt like ice, “Oh my God Bree I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be a mom. I don't know how to do that, I can't be a mom I don't want the baby to grow up like I did!” I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I’d be a horrible mom, Bree. I don’t want to do this!”
“No you won't! You're going to be a great mom Harper, no one has a bigger heart than you do. Yeah you grew up with a crappy father, but you won't be like him.” She gripped my wrists and waited ‘til I calmed down once again, “And it might be hard to believe, but Chase is great with little kids, all our cousins love him and he's always taking the babies so he can hold them. Between the two of you? This baby is going to be extremely loved, and of course Mom, Dad and I will be there to spoil him or her to no end.”
I actually laughed, really laughed. “I hope you're right. This is going to be a really rough next few months, but I'm glad you'll be here with me Bree. You're like my sister, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.”
She waved my apology off, “I just can't believe that dumbass didn't use a condom!”
“Err, that's my fault. He wanted to stop because he didn't have any and I kind of begged him to anyway. And the second time –”
“There was a second time?”
“The next day. Anyway that time I don't think either of us thought about it. I had just found out you all were coming home, and even though I told him I needed time to choose, we both knew I wouldn't choose him. And it just happened.”
“Okay, okay I don't want details. He is still my brother.”
Mom peaked her head in through the door, “I just got back from the store, I figured you two would be in class by now!”
Oh thank God she didn't hear what we were talking about. Until Brandon knew, I didn't want anyone else to know who the father was. “Uh...hey Mom?”
Her face worried, “Oh Harper honey, what's wrong? Have you both been crying?”