“I was going to crash on a cot somewhere here. I’d rather go home.”
“Do you need to talk to anybody first? Or get anything? Do you have stuff somewhere?”
She asked the questions in a take-charge kind of way, and Matt felt his muscles ease a little. He could relax with Hailey and she’d make sure he got home okay. “I’ve already said goodbye to Pete’s wife and talked to his nurse. I have everything, I guess. I took off my vest before I started CPR. I tossed it somewhere, so somebody grabbed it, I’m sure. And my helmet was there, too. I’m ready.”
“I moved my car to the visitor’s lot,” she said, and he realized she’d probably been doing that when he’d looked for her. He felt like such an idiot. “I wasn’t sure how long you’d be and I didn’t want to take up an ER space. Do you want me to go get it and pull it around?”
He smiled and shook his head. “I can walk that far.”
She stayed at his side as they walked out into the night, and he filled his lungs with fresh, cool air. The only thing worse than being inside was being inside a hospital, but there had been no way he would let Pete make that flight alone. Now that he could leave, he felt almost guilty about the relief he felt.
Once they were buckled up, Hailey started her car and steered it toward the hospital’s exit. “Do you want me to find a coffee shop or some fast food or anything?”
“If you want something then go ahead, but I’m good.”
“I singlehandedly depleted the hospital vending machines of anything with caffeine or chocolate, so we’ll head for home. I called Rose while I was moving my car, and Bear’s fine. And she’ll let everybody know you’re okay.”
“Thanks,” he said. It seemed like a weak word when he was more grateful to her than he could say, but it was all he could manage.
There were two hours ahead of them and he felt himself getting drowsier with every passing mile. A couple of times he jerked awake and knew from the songs on the radio he’d nodded off for a few minutes.
She glanced over at him the third or fourth time it happened. “Why don’t you drop the seat back and sleep?”
“I’m okay.”
He wasn’t, but she was tired, too. She had the air-conditioning on, her window cracked and was singing along with the songs, all tactics he’d used to keep himself awake behind the wheel. It was a long ride and he wanted to make sure she didn’t nod off herself.
“Matt.”
She touched his arm and he looked over at her. Awareness hit all at once. The car wasn’t moving. His eyes had been closed and his eyelids felt heavy and gritty. And his neck was stiff as hell. He’d slept, and slept hard.
“We’re home,” she said quietly.
He tried to straighten his body out, cursing himself for apparently falling asleep with his head cradled sideways against the seat belt instead of just reclining the seat when she suggested it. He undid his seat belt, but sat for a minute, trying to shake off the grogginess.
“It’s too late to go get Bear.”
He nodded. “House is quiet without him. Lonely.”
“Then come in with me.”
It was too dark to read anything from her expression, but he heard nothing but sincerity in her voice. “I wasn’t angling for an invitation. I’m just tired and my filter’s running behind my mouth, I guess.”
“Do you want to be alone right now?”
“No.” He snorted. “See? Filter’s busted.”
“Come inside, Matt.”
He nodded, his sense of good judgment obviously lagging as far behind as his don’t say that out loud filter. But it was the truth. He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to be with her.
TWENTY
HAILEY WASN’T SURE what to do with a man who was bone-tired, emotionally tapped and not in the mood to talk about it, so she made him hot cocoa. Matt didn’t say a word while she microwaved a mug of water, then added the cocoa mix and half and half, and she didn’t push it. If he wanted to talk, he’d talk.
When she set the mug on the table in front of him, he wrapped his hands around it as if they were freezing and he was trying to suck the heat out of the ceramic. “Thank you.”
“Do you want me to make you something to eat? I know you didn’t have any dinner.”
“I’m not hungry, but thanks.”
He took a few sips of the hot cocoa, then he just held the mug and stared at the brown liquid. She rested her hands on his shoulders in a gesture of comfort, but the muscles were tight, so she started kneading them. Using her fingers and the heel of her hand, she massaged his neck and shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension.
Matt moaned and lowered his head, totally exposing his neck to her touch. “That feels amazing.”
“I’m sorry I sent your dog on a sleepover. You’d probably be curled up in bed with Bear already.”
His shoulders shook when he chuckled. “Bear has his own bed. We don’t snuggle.”
“That’s too bad. Sometimes you just need a hug.”
“Sometimes.” He grasped her wrists and pulled until her chest was against his back and her arms were wrapped around him.
She stayed like that for a while, but after hours in the car, her back started protesting the position. And, as hugs went, it wasn’t enough. She wanted to hold him.
Without removing her arms, Hailey walked around the chair and lifted her leg over his so she straddled his lap. The edge of the table pressed against her back, but it was a minor nuisance compared to the pain she saw in Matt’s eyes.
Tightening her arms around his shoulders, she rested her cheek on his shoulder and hugged him tight.
His arms wrapped around her waist and he buried his face against her neck. “Thank you for waiting for me.”
“I’m sorry about your friend’s accident, but I’m glad he’ll be okay.”
“I’ve been shot at. I’ve rolled a truck so bad it took them an hour to cut me out of it. But I’ve never been so scared as I was giving Pete CPR. His daughter calls me Uncle Matt, you know. She’s five.”
“And he’s going to go home to her in a few days. That’s what you need to focus on.”
His fingertips bit into her skin. “I know that, but...I’m trying to shake it off, but I’m so damn tired.”
Hailey pulled back and cupped his face in her hands. “Let’s go to bed. Bear’s being spoiled rotten at the Northern Star and nobody’s going to expect you to be at work first thing in the morning.”
She slid off his lap and nudged him sideways until she could crouch in front of him to unlace his boots. Once she had the laces loosened all the way down each, he toed them off and she pushed them aside. But when she took his hands to pull him to his feet, he resisted.
“Maybe I should go home.”
“You really should have made that decision before we got your boots off.”
He didn’t smile. “We’re a bad idea.”
She sighed and squeezed his hands. “Yeah. But we’re friends, you need some comfort and, to be honest, I could use some, too. We can go back to being a bad idea tomorrow.”
After only a moment’s hesitation, he stood and let her lead him through the house. When he stumbled slightly on the stairs, she realized just how tired he was and tightened her hand around his. Whatever adrenaline rush had come with the day’s events and kept him going had definitely left his system
When they reached her room, Matt balked again. He took a couple of steps inside and then stopped, though he didn’t let go of her hand. “I’m exhausted, Hailey. I’ve been sweaty all day, I probably smell like hell. I’m grubby.”
Starting at the top, she undid each of the buttons of his uniform shirt, yanking it out of his pants to undo the bottom few. “Take care of your belt.”
Exhaustion made his hands shake a little as he took care of his gun, setting it on her dresser, and then laying the belt with the rest of its accouterments across the armchair in the corner. When he was done, she slid the shirt off his shoulders to reveal the T-shirt underneath.
“Arms up,” she told him.
“Hailey, I—”
“Yeah, I get it. You’re grubby. I’m going to hold you and I’ll be grubby, too. And then we’ll get the sheets grubby.” She lifted his arms up and then pulled off his T-shirt. “In the morning, we can take showers and I’ll throw the sheets in the washer.”
She bent to pull his pants off, offering her shoulder for support as she removed each sock and pant leg in return. Then she turned down the blanket and sheet.
Hailey figured by the time she turned off the lights and stripped down to her underwear, he’d be snoring, but when she slid into bed, he threw his arm over her and pulled her close.
“You have soft sheets,” he murmured. “I’m sorry I’m getting them dirty.”
She nestled against him, so almost every part of their bodies were touching. The feel of him, so warm and strong, crumbled the foundation of the emotional walls she’d been trying to maintain. “I like you more than I like my sheets.”
“I like you, too, Hailey. More than...”
The mumbling faded away and he was out. She waited, holding her breath, but all that came out of him was a long, soft snore.