Instead Roger looked at me with such reproach, such disappointment, that I wished he’d gone for violence instead. It would have hurt less.
“I can’t let you in to see her, Damien,” he said, shaking his head sadly. “She’s my daughter and I can’t allow anyone to hurt her. Not anymore.”
Damn if that didn’t bring a lump to my throat. I could respect that. This quiet, unassuming man made me feel ashamed. I thought I’d grown since Stella, but Kylie’s father had me beat. He, I realized was what being a real man was all about.
“Please, Roger,” I said, surprised to hear the catch in my voice. “I know I’ve fu—, messed everything up. I know I’ve been a jerk, and I know I’ve upset your daughter again and again.”
It was when I started to cry that Roger looked uncomfortable. He glanced up and down the street and then sighed. “Come in,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You’re making a scene.”
He led me through into the kitchen and I saw him glance nervously up the stairs as we passed.
“I was such an idiot,” I said as I sat at Roger’s kitchen table while he made tea. “I let my own jealousies and insecurities cloud my judgment.” I told Roger about the newspaper article and how I’d gone ballistic. “I should have known Kylie wouldn’t have done it. I should have trusted her,” I lamented.
Roger sat opposite me and sipped tea. He nodded. “Yes, you should have. She was here all that night, Damien,” he said quietly. “Kylie was in this house. We talked after you left; we had a nightcap and she went up to bed. She was excited about the movie, Damien. Kylie was keen to do a good job for you. She wants … wanted to please you.”
“It was Jenny,” I said. “All of it. Kylie told you about the spider scene in the movie?” Roger nodded but said nothing. “Well that was my assistant’s idea. Jenny put her up to it.”
“Is that the same woman who Kylie saw half naked in your house at midday yesterday?” Roger questioned with an admonishing look.
I hung my head. “I know it looked bad,” I mumbled. “But Alexandra took her skirt off and unbuttoned her blouse when she heard Kylie at the door. She wanted Kylie to think something was going on. I swear to you, Roger; on my mother’s grave I swear nothing happened. Nothing.”
I went on, deciding I had nothing to lose except my dignity, and what was that worth next to losing Kylie?
I told Roger about how I’d never known my parents, about how I’d been brought up on a crap estate in London’s east end by my mother’s sister – a diamond of a woman who worked hard and did her best for me and her own three kids.
“I’m not going all Walt Disney on you, Roger,” I said as he made me a second cup of tea. I could have murdered for a fag right then, but I’d given up the cigarettes and doubted Roger would have wanted me to stink up his house anyway. I’d dropped the Hugh Grant rounded vowels by then and continued with, “It ain’t a sob story I’m giving you; I’m trying to explain how it is for me. I’ve never felt more at home with anyone in my life the way I do with Kylie.”
“Damien, please …” Roger began, seemingly embarrassed by me spilling my guts as though this was the Montel show.
“No, Roger,” I insisted, “I know I’ve got a lot to learn, but if you’ll help me I can get it together and make Kylie happy. If we can set aside our differences, put what’s gone on already behind us I can learn from you. I just need the chance. Hell, Roger, I love her.”
It all hung in the balance. I tried to read Roger’s face but all I saw was a nice bloke drinking tea. He looked at me and sighed.
“You know, Damien,” he began, “that was a hell of a story.” Roger paused, his mind working. “But I’m a man who has to think of his daughter. I have to think about what’s best for Kylie.”
My heart sank into my shoes. I’d blown it. I’d spilled my guts for nothing. All of it, the baring of my fucking soul hadn’t been enough.
OK, I could accept it. Roger was right after all. He did have a responsibility to Kylie. Why the hell would he trust me with her fragile heart?
“… I’ll tell you something, though; I admire your courage for coming here. I don’t know if I’d have been able to face a father under these circumstances.” Roger paused again and looked me in the eye. He even reached across the table and took my hand. “I’m going to give you a chance, Damien,” he said quietly. “I’ll go get her and try to get her to talk to you. I’ll tell her she’s got to talk to you. That’s all I can do right now. If she comes down, and that’s a big if, just because I’m her dad doesn’t mean she’ll listen, but if she does come down, well then it’s up to you to convince her.”