“I know.” Ingrid sat on the bed and pulled Ivy to herself. “I know.”
“You do?” Ivy leaned back. Met Ingrid’s eyes. “But—”
“Ivy, I believe in you. I know you care for Darek—and Tiger.”
“But my signature is on the petition.”
“And the truth is in your eyes.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Of course. I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt Darek or Tiger.”
“But Darek—”
“Darek is angry. He’s been angry for a long—very long—time. Mostly at himself, but he has a hard time seeing that. Sometimes it’s just easier to blame others than to look inside.”
“He’s a good father.”
“Of course he is. But he’s going to be a better father once he lets go of all that anger, when he starts to rely on God. Could be that God is using this to bring Darek to his knees.”
“I don’t understand. Why would God let this happen to him?”
“God sees more than we do. And I don’t understand the mind of the Almighty. But I do know His heart and the fact that He longs to rescue His children, to show them how much He loves them.”
Ivy looked away. “I’m not a child. I don’t need God’s love.”
Ingrid said nothing for a moment. Then, “It’s a terrible thing to believe that. We all need to believe God loves us. Otherwise, yes, we are alone.”
Ivy blew out a breath, wiped her hands on her dress pants. “It doesn’t matter what I believe. And it doesn’t matter what the truth is. Darek is going to blame me for taking Tiger away from him, no matter what I say. People believe what they want, despite the facts. Emotions get in the way.”
“Indeed.”
Ivy frowned.
“Oh, Ivy, you and Darek are so much alike. You’re basing your belief that God doesn’t love you on emotions. On your experiences. On what you think God’s love for you should look like. I felt that way once too. I lost a baby after Amelia. I’d done everything right, and I’d dedicated my life to being a mother. I was so angry at God—He didn’t have the right to take my child. I thought surely He didn’t love me. If He had, He would have saved my baby.”
She touched Ivy’s hand. “I’d forgotten, in that moment, about the other children He’d given me. But even that wasn’t the bigger truth. Because of God’s love for me, I would see my child someday. It was that fact—and that emotion—that finally healed me.”
Ivy frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Here are the simple facts. God gave us a law, and we break some aspect of it every day. We are greedy or selfish; we love ourselves more than God. The Bible says if we think we are without sin, we are lying to ourselves. The law, which we’ve broken, condemns us. To death, actually. But see, God, in His mercy, doesn’t want that—so He offered Jesus in your place. You get to live because Christ paid your penalty. God’s not impartial. If He was, He wouldn’t have sent Jesus. In fact, you could say God operates almost entirely on emotion—love.”
Ivy stared at her.
“God loves you, Ivy, and He has every day of your life. You might consider that He even saved your life by putting you in foster care. He hasn’t given up on you, hasn’t let you go, and He has brought you here, to this moment, for you to hear this truth. You have always belonged to Him.” She leaned in, pressed a kiss to Ivy’s cheek. “That truth should set you free to love, no matter what the cost.”
“I don’t know. Emotions get me into trouble.”
“God is a God of emotion. And it’s good. You don’t have to be afraid of caring. Of loving my son or my grandson.”
Ivy glanced at her.
“You look at him like I looked at John. Like I still look at John. As if he is my tomorrow. Where I belong.”
No, she didn’t . . . did she?
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.”
Ingrid squeezed her hand. “Take a chance on God. After all, He took a chance on you. I’ll bet He can fix this.”
Maybe God had meant for Claire to stay in Deep Haven all along. Maybe His silence had nothing to do with what she had or hadn’t done with her life, and everything to do with—how had Jensen said it? You do that, Claire. Coax things back to life.
Those words settled inside, nourished her, and for the first time, she could believe that she hadn’t just failed herself, her parents, God.
She took off her gardening gloves, setting them beside the pruning shears, and felt deep in the soil for moisture to know how long to set the sprinklers. With the heat of July upon them, the roses needed extra TLC. Replacing her gloves, she picked up her shears.