I could hold on to that for a little while. Maybe it would ease my fear. Or maybe preparing myself for the worst was the best way to protect my heart. Not that it would really make a difference. I was too far gone anyway.
“I used to hate her. I thought she was the bane of my existence. But over time, I’ve realized that Nan is just sad. She has pushed everyone away and made them hate her and her ugly heart. She does nothing to endear herself to anyone. She has to call Rush because he’s her brother. He’s the only one who’ll come running. She didn’t call Grant tonight because she knew he wouldn’t answer, much less come to the rescue. But she knew Rush would, and she knew he would bring Grant. Even when she’s at her lowest point, she manipulates people. Grant’s smart enough to see that.”
I hoped she was right.
“He saw something in her before,” I said simply.
Blaire stood beside me. “He saw someone who was in need of fixing. Grant likes to fix things. When I first came here, Rush hated me. He wanted me gone. But Grant made sure that didn’t happen. The next morning when I woke up, I was worried about how I was going to afford to get gas so I could find a job. When I got to my truck, there was a note on it from Grant. He’d filled my truck up with gas. It’s just who he is. Nan is broken and she isn’t fixable. Grant figured that out. He has you and he isn’t going to mess that up.”
I felt tears sting my eyes. I knew Blaire’s history. She’d come here alone, lost but brave. The fact that Grant had made sure she’d had gas only made me love him more. I gripped the railing hard and closed my eyes. I would not cry.
“I’m in love with him,” I admitted, in a whisper so low I wasn’t sure she heard me. I hoped she hadn’t as soon as I said it.
“I know. It’s all over you when you’re with him. But he’s in love with you, too. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
I thought of Rush and the way he protected Blaire. The possessive gleam in his eyes, and the way he kept her so close to him. I didn’t have that. She had something exceptional, and I had read too many romances. I wanted that, too. I hadn’t realized it was real until I had seen Rush with Blaire.
That kind of love wasn’t a fantasy. It was real.
“I want the fantasy. I want him to love me the way Rush loves you.”
Blaire leaned into me and bumped my shoulder with hers. “He’s headed that way if he isn’t there already. You’ve gotten under his skin.”
“He hasn’t told me he loves me,” I told her.
“He will,” she replied. “When he’s brave enough, he’ll tell you.”
I tried to believe that. I wanted to believe that.
“All my life I’ve seen my dad screw around with women and throw them aside as if they meant nothing. I worried that love wasn’t real, or if it was that I didn’t have the right genetic makeup to love like you love Rush. I had never been in love. I was so guarded. I worried that I wouldn’t love because my father couldn’t love. Then . . . then I saw him with . . .” I stopped. I didn’t know if I wanted to share this with Blaire. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to ever share what I had seen. “He loves my mom. Even though she can’t speak or move, he wants to be near her. He brushes her hair.” That fact still baffled me. I had never known he could be that way.
“My guess is that you’re just like your mother. She inspired that kind of love and devotion from a rock star who could have anyone he wanted. It’s a special gift, and you need to learn to trust that you’re worthy of that love. Give Grant time. He’s just now figuring things out, and I believe he’s worth waiting for.”
I nodded. She was right. He was worth it. I had to stop doubting him. Twice in one night. Another trait I had that I hated. I was insecure. Painfully so. It was time I overcame that. I didn’t know if I had a long life with Grant or not. But I wanted him. I wanted this to be my life. When it was over, I wanted to know I had this.
It was time I told him my secret. He deserved to know.
Three hours later, my phone rang as I sat curled up on the Finlays’ sofa. Blaire had gone upstairs earlier when Nate had started crying. She said he was used to Rush rocking him to sleep, so she had to give him extra attention.
“Hello,” I said, knowing it was Grant.
“Hey, you still at Rush’s?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Good. I have to get Nan inside and make sure she gets into bed. Doctor says she needs to be woken up every hour. She’s got a pretty bad concussion. I’ll come get you as soon as she’s in bed.”