Take a Breath(98)

The look on her face was priceless.

“Leandro’s? Ana, this is huge. You know what this means, don’t you? He’s going to put a ring on it.”

I acted surprised, but the thought had entered my mind also.

“Do you think? I don’t know,” I mused.

“Come on, Ana. It has to be that. What are you wearing?”

“I don’t know. I was kinda hoping you would come to the shops with me after work and help me choose an outfit.”

Her face lit up. “Of course I will,” she beamed.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on, but then it always does when you’re trying to hurry time along. Jessie and I went to the local Fairfax Mall, where I bought a beautiful white fitted dress with black stripes down the side. It looked very elegant and fitting for just about any occasion.

“Is that the dress that Ana Sinclair becomes Fiancée to Jake Bennett this evening, I wonder?”

I nudged Jessie, but couldn’t escape the fixed grin on my face that never seemed to wane lately. We both bought some new shoes for the autumn weather and Jessie a new handbag. By the time we were finished it was six-thirty and I had to get back for reservations at eight.

I rushed back home, singing along to the music on the way. The excitement was growing the closer I got to home.

When I did get there I spot a Jeep parked outside the house. I pulled into the driveway and quickly made my way to the door.

“Jake?” I cried. “Jake, I think you’ll love the new dress I bought.”

No answer.

I decide to make my way into the kitchen. “Jake, whose car is that parked—”

It was then I find my mother standing there, her hands on Jake’s chest. She was looking a little plumper than normal, but healthy with it. She had a smirk plastered across her damn face. Anger and confusion quickly emerged.

“Ana, darling there you are. How are you? I heard about that awful mess and just had to come and see my baby.”

Jake wasn’t looking at me. Why wasn’t he looking at me?

“Jake?” I ask, ignoring my mother completely.

He stands there seemingly unable to look in my direction.

“Jake?” I say again, with more urgency, but again there is nothing. The only expression he is wearing is a pained looked across his face. Is he ashamed of me?

“Darling, aren’t you happy to see your mother? Jake and I have some news for you and we have been waiting for your return. We wanted to tell you about it in person.”

I didn’t want to hear anymore. I tried one more time.

“Jake?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists.

“Ana, dear whatever’s the matter with you?” my mother asks.

I looked one last time at Jakes deflated state. Tears were brimming in my eyes. Not knowing quite what was happening—or what I was witnessing was real—I quickly about turned and rushed outside towards my car.

All I heard when I left was my mother screaming my name. I start the car up and blaring through the speakers and tugging at my heart is, “Nothing Compares to You.”

Why was I now being tortured like this?

I grip the steering wheel willing myself to move, to do something. I have to get out of here. I pull out of the drive, tears stinging my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. Why did Jake let her in the house? Why did he ignore my cries? The sudden stabbing realisation hits that maybe he didn’t love me after all. I was probably just a gap to be filled by my mother. Now she’s back, he doesn’t need me anymore.

My heart contorts in agony. How could he do this to me? The clouds in the sky get thicker and darker, almost in tune with my mood.

As I get on the route 7 the faint rumble of thunder is heard in the distance as the rain pelts heavily on my windscreen. My mind is racing with what I’ve just witnessed and pictures of them in my head make the nausea in my stomach grow tenfold. What possible news could my mother and Jake have? Have they gotten back together? Is the marriage back on? I really didn’t want to know, as the pain of knowing would be too unbearable. It would destroy me.

At the traffic lights, I rest my head on the steering wheel and tightly shut my eyes. I’m trying to erase Jake and my mother from my head, but it is only replaced by moments of Jake and I laughing, smiling and making love.

I’m quickly brought out from my slumber with the sounds of horns blaring behind me. They were alerting me to the green light that had formed above my head. I put my car in drive and hit the accelerator. The pain in my stomach and my chest becomes so unbearable I don’t know how I make the journey. I pull in to Sunnyside Apartments, switch off the ignition and fall back into my seat.

I take some deep breaths, but no matter how much I try, the tears just keep on falling. The aching fire in my stomach is the worst pain I have ever felt. Of all the bad things that have happened to me in the past, nothing comes close to the pain I am in now. Not even the feel of Tony’s hands around my neck squeezing the life out of me bringing me close to death could compare to this. What am I going to do? How am I going to be able to live life without him? He was my heart and soul, the reflection in the mirror looking back at me. My world, my all and nothing else matters to me in the universe but us being together, wrapped up tight in his protective arms. I think of him holding me, caressing me, making sweet love to me. He was and still is my everything. How could life without Jake be? The despair comes over me like a rash. The sobs that escape me are so harsh, that it hurts my throat.