This time I aim directly at his shoes. Pop. Pop. Light blue bleeds over his ex-white sneakers. “I’m going to Florida, Stephen. Do you have a problem with that?”
Headlights flash near the driveway. “Stephen!” yells Luke from the driver’s side. “Let’s go.”
When Stephen hesitates, Luke honks the horn and beats his hand against the door of his car. Stephen glances at me one more time. “Lila—”
“There’re still some white spots on your shoes.” I set my sight on his obsession again.
“I’ll call when you’ve regained sanity,” he huffs as he retreats to his moronic friends.
“I’m shooting you with a paintball gun at midnight,” I shout after him. “I think we left sane behind a couple of days ago.”
When the red taillights of Luke’s car disappear, I drop the paintball gun to the ground, flop down beside it and rest my arms on my bent knees.
From the front of the house, a shadow emerges. Yesterday, I would have lost it if I were outside in the dark with a large figure looming. In fact, yesterday I did just that. Funny how much can change in twenty-four hours.
“You okay?” asks Lincoln.
Let’s see, my best friend has moved on, I’ve conquered my fear of moving away, I shot my pranking ex-boyfriend with a paintball gun and I’m alone with a guy who causes my heart to stutter. “Yeah, I’m great.”
And I mean it. It’s a small yet humongous realization: I’m always going to be scared of something—spiders, the dark, being on my own—but I don’t have to let the fear be in control.
“...and when I came around the corner, he ran into the door of his car and slammed right onto the ground.” Lincoln’s shoulders move with his laughter as he recaps tonight’s events, and I giggle along with him. We lie next to each other on my bed: me in my pj’s of a tank top and shorts and Lincoln in a fresh pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
Our laughter fades and we both stare into the darkness. The chirping of the crickets from the other side of the window fills the silence. My muscles have that good, exhausted jellyfish feel. It’s two in the morning and even though I’m definitely tired enough for sleep, I’m not ready to give up this precious time with Lincoln.
As if reading my mind, he turns his head toward me. “Are you tired?”
“No.” I flip so that I’m facing him and traitorously yawn.
Lincoln chuckles and mirrors my position. He runs his fingers down my arm, starting at the edge of the strap of my tank and ending at the tip of my elbow. I shut my eyes with the exquisite tickle. I inch closer to him and happily sigh when he cups the curve of my waist. It’s a heavy, warm weight that creates the sensation of protection.
“You should go to sleep, Lila.” Good God, his voice is beautiful—deep and smooth.
I shake my head. “I can sleep tomorrow and the day after that. I only have you for a few more hours.” My stomach sinks and I open my eyes. “But you should sleep. You’ve got a long drive in front of you.”
“I should.” Lincoln shifts his head so that his mouth is wickedly near mine. I lick my lips and inhale to steady my breathing. We’ve kissed three times since this afternoon. Each time he’s hypnotized me, and I’m greedy to be captivated again.
I nod. “You should.” But I really don’t want him to—not yet. “Sleep.”
His hand slips to the small of my back and presses so that our bodies now touch. A rush of air escapes my lungs. Holy hell, he’s solid. I allow a hand to skim along his back, and Lincoln smiles with the caress.
“I will,” he says. My skin tingles as his mouth whispers against mine. “Sleep. But not now.”
“No?” I try to ask innocently.
“No.” He brushes his nose along the curve of my neck, and I could almost moan in frustration. I want kisses, lots of kisses, but I also love the slow burn. Lincoln has talent, and my heart beats faster when I think of all the hundreds of ways we could spend our evenings.
He slowly creates a trail along my cheek, and just when I’m on the verge of begging, his lips finally come within butterfly-inducing distance of mine. This is one of my favorite moments: the seconds before the kiss. It’s like dangling on a ledge with gravity pulling me forward and the wind daring me to let go and fly.
Lincoln breathes out and I breathe in. A synchronized movement that causes my mind to disconnect and conscious thought to float away. A nudge forward on his part, a tilt of my head, and then we fall.
His mouth is hot against mine and my hands tangle in his hair in response. Our lips part and our tongues slide together, a delicious slow movement that makes me want to purr like a cat.
Earlier, we let our kisses be just what they needed to be: simple, a sign of trust, a sign of what’s to come, but this feels like more. After the words we’ve said to each other tonight, I’m tempted by more, but I’m not ready to give up that slow burn.
Lincoln draws my lower lip between his, releases it and then lifts his head. The warmth and sincerity in his eyes tells me he’s not ready to leave the slow burn, either. This is why I’m with him, because Lincoln gets me, understands me, possibly more than I understand myself.
“How about one more kiss?” he asks.
“How about more than one?” I counter. “Just a few.”
“A few,” he agrees. His body melts against me and our lips meet again—a warm, building kiss that causes me to arch into him. Beneath his massive body, I feel small, fragile and protected. I’ve never felt so feminine, so in tune with another.
Our movements are soft and deliberate. Fingers exploring skin, lips moving in time, feet rubbing against each other. Until it becomes time for one last kiss. One that will be singed into my memory and will carry over until I can be in his arms again.
Lincoln places his forehead on mine and caresses my cheek. My fingers trace the hollow of his neck, and I enjoy the beat of his heart against my chest.
“We should sleep,” he says.
Unable to speak, I nod. Lincoln rolls onto his back and pulls me so that I’m cradled against him. He kisses the top of my head and combs his fingers through my hair. “Thank you, Lila.”
Words are still hard, but I find the energy to ask, “For what?”
“For helping me find me again.”
I mold myself around him and wonder what our future will look like. Someday distance will no longer be an issue and we’ll have more than just letters—we’ll be together. Who knows...maybe forever.
“You were always in there. You just weren’t looking in the right place.” I pause. He’s not the only one who rediscovered himself this weekend. “Neither one of us were.”
“True,” he agrees and gathers me closer. “But we figured it out.”
I close my eyes and hug my body to his. Two years of letters, two years of redefining myself and two years of falling for my best friend. As I cuddle into Lincoln, I know that I would relive it all in order to experience this moment again.
Chapter 13
Lincoln
I think sometimes things we don’t like happen so we can appreciate the good. Like, can I really enjoy a sunrise if I didn’t experience the darkness of night? Without her past, Echo would never have met Noah, and without her losing Aires, I would never have met you. So, yeah, I do mean what I said in the last letter. You are like a sunrise in my life.
~ Lila
Stretched out on her stomach with her face toward me, Lila sleeps. Her tousled hair falls over her shoulder, onto her cheek. I’ve been awake for an hour, watching her. She smiles when she dreams. Twice, little lines formed between her eyebrows and I had to stop myself from smoothing them out. She’s too beautiful to wear worry. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure her happiness.
Birds begin to chirp outside Lila’s window—a warning of the impending moment. Soon, I’ll have to say goodbye.
I’ve got a long drive and a lot of work in front of me in order to catch up with Lila. After spending time with her, going back to letters will be difficult, but we also agreed to phone calls and Skype and weekend visits.
I skim my finger against the soft skin of her cheek, and her head angles toward my touch. Her eyes flutter open and her lips edge up when she sees me. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I respond.
Someday I’ll teach her how to climb a rock wall, I’ll introduce her to my parents, let her hold my nephew and I’ll confess my love.
Lila reaches up and smooths the hair near my ear. “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
“Same here.”
“I really like you,” she says in a low, sexy tone. And I recognize it, the spark in her eyes. It’s more than like, more than attraction.
“Me, too.”
Her hand glides down to my chest and pauses over my heart. When our eyes meet, I know she notices the spark within me, too. I capture her hand and keep it against my chest as I lean in for a kiss.
“I still expect two letters a week,” she whispers.
Our lips move against each other’s, and in between breaths I say to her, “I’ll send you three.”
Epilogue
October
Lila
In the back of an auditorium lecture hall, my pencil taps repeatedly against my notebook and my eyes flash for the millionth time to my smartphone, willing it to light up. It’s on silent, but I wish it was on foghorn.