Dad’s face moves up as he smiles and I raise my eyebrows in response. What the hell?
“You’re good at this,” he says. “It was awful watching it, but at the same time, I smacked the guy next to me and told him you’re my son.”
I chuckle, because I got nothing to say. I take it back. I do know what to say. “Did you always know I wasn’t yours?”
The smile slips off his face and I sort of regret my choice of words, yet, I don’t. This conversation needs to be had and there’s never going to be an appropriate time or place.
“Yes. Colleen had been sick for a long time and let’s just say there was a breakdown in communication between me and your mother and I’m aware how babies are made.”
I nod, the truth not making me feel much better. “Why did you stay with her? She cheated.”
“I loved her. Denny loved her first and I stole her away from him and then when things got rough I abandoned her and Colleen. She needed comfort, and when I didn’t give it, she ran to arms that were still open.”
Fuck. I toss the bag I’d been holding to my eye into the trash. “You’re real live and let live about this.”
“I love her, West. She loves me. When you feel like that about someone, you find ways to make it work.”
My heart aches—Haley. Was what I did to her different?
“You say you love her, but you wanted me to break up with Haley. You told me to trust you, that a girl would be my worst downfall. Is that how you see Mom? Do you really love her or has it all been a show this entire time?”
My dad ages ten years with each second that passes. He appears smaller, grayer and weary. “I loved your mother from the first time she poured a beer over my head because she’d heard my type of lines before.”
My eyes widen and my lips twitch up and down. My mother poured a beer over Dad’s head? My father used pickup lines on my mother? Who the fuck are these people and part of me is loving every second. Watching my reaction, Dad’s mouth tilts up. “I think you can understand why your grandparents were less than thrilled with me.”
Dad’s parents are picture-perfect conservative and stuck-up. “Then why did you push me so hard on Haley?”
The happiness vanishes. “Because the road with your mother was difficult. From the moment we met, nothing was easy. Life threw everything it could at us and sometimes we won and other times we failed. But through it all, never doubt that I loved her and never doubt that she loved me. While that’s true, my choice to be with your mother, her choice to be with me—it made life complicated and we suffered because of it. You have to understand, West, that when it comes to your children...you don’t want hard. You don’t want to see them hurt.”
I readjust the ice bag on my shoulder, acting as if it’s slipping, but I really need a break from the intense. There’s a sadness within me and this happiness that has got me all screwed up. My parents love each other and that’s...that’s something to hold on to, but to know they’ve experienced pain, too... It somehow makes them human.
Dad leans forward and rests his combined hands in the gap between his knees. “What I said is true. You may not share my blood, but you are me through and through. Not just the stuff that drives me up a damn wall, but the stuff that makes you, you. Your sense of humor, your tenacity, how you love your family.”
Dad lowers his head and I wipe at my eyes. I’m tired. It’s why I’m emotional, but somewhere deep inside the young kid that followed this man around like he was a god rejoices.
There’s an edge in his voice, a brokenness that doesn’t belong to a man who owns the world. “You may not want it, but you’re my son. You have always been my son. You will always be my son and I love you.”
I want to say I love him back, but there are still parts of me that need to heal—internal parts—unseen hurts that need space and air. “I can’t come home. Not yet.” If ever.
“I know. I knew it the moment you threw your first punch in that cage. You’ve found something, a direction, a path I’m not allowed on, but let me at least be a spectator. Give me the chance to meet you at the finish line.”
My own voice cracks. “Okay.”
“Okay. And so you know, I’m not abandoning you. Your room’s still yours. So’s your car and credit cards. I’ll still give Haley the scholarship.”
“I’ve got to do this on my own. The temptations you’re scared about me returning to... They belong to the world at home. I’m a boy there and here...”
“You’re a man.” Dad squeezes the only nonbruised part of my body and repeats, “You’re a man.”
“Did it bother you?” I ask. “That I ended up working with Denny?” A pause. “That I’ll still be working with Denny.”
“Yes,” he answers quickly. “It does. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my son. Not his, but I understand your need to know him. Just...just at least consider offering me the same chance that you’re giving him.”
I nod, but he knows it’s not really an answer. It’s something I’ll need to think about. Dad stands and I can’t let him walk away like this. “Tell Mom I’ll be there for family dinners.”
The small smile on his face tells me I nailed the first board into that bridge the two of us are trying to rebuild. “She’ll like that. I’m proud of you, son.”
With a shut door, I find myself alone. I sigh and rub my hand over my head. Six months ago, I thought I owned the world, but I really owned nothing. Now, in the eyes of the world, I’ve lost everything...
“West?”
My head snaps up and my heart stutters. I’ve lost absolutely nothing of any value. My lips slant up and, out of respect for her grandfather, I grab a towel and stick it over my lap.
Haley’s laughter tickles over my skin. She tilts her head and that sexy, silky hair tumbles over her shoulder. “You’re letting John get to you.”
I wave at my body. “I’m not in the position to be taking on any more fights.”
Her hips sway as she strolls over to me. “Don’t worry. I have your back.”
I crave for her to curl her body over mine, but instead she drags the chair Dad abandoned moments ago next to me. She sits in it and laces our fingers together. “I should kick your ass for what you did.”
I chuckle. “Which particular event would the ass kicking be for?”
“Any of it, but mainly that you broke up with me so I could go to school for free.”
Damn, Haley’s always been direct. “I wanted you to have a chance at a future. I couldn’t stand in the way of that. At least I thought I couldn’t. By the time I understood my mistake, you were gone.”
“I didn’t come back for you,” she says. “By taking the fight you sped up my timeline, but I came back for me. You and everyone else were right—I had lost my fight and I wasn’t engaging. You tapped out on me, but I tapped out, too.”
“It won’t happen again,” I say. “Me tapping out. I learned my lesson.”
“Me, too,” she responds.
I think about her words. That there could be another meaning. “If this is you trying to let me down easy, then be warned I plan on fighting for you.”
Haley smiles and I like that her eyes lighten with it. “I’m not going anywhere, Young.”
“We have a lot to talk about.” Exhausted, my head settles back against the wall.
I want to know what helped change her mind and where she’s going to be living now that she’s home. I need to tell her about my dad, my biological dad, about her tuition to college, a ton of things, but I’m too damned tired.
“We can talk about whatever you want later.” Haley rests her head on my shoulder. “Right now, I’m focusing on the whole happy you’re alive. You scared the hell out of me when I first arrived. You weren’t focused and Matt was pounding you to pieces.”
“I was focused.” I focused when I heard her beautiful voice. I turn my head, nuzzle my nose into her hair and inhale her sweet fragrance. She’s here. She’s honest to God here. “You mean everything to me, Haley.”
“I love you,” she whispers as her fingers squeeze mine. After a second, she rocks our joined hands. “Sometimes, after a fight, I wanted silence. Just time to clear my head.”
Silence. I exhale. Silence would be nice. “Will you stay with me?”
“For as long as you want me.”
“Then be prepared to stay for a long time.” I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of Haley’s fingers tracing my arm.
Chapter 83
Haley
The bell rings and both Mrs. Collins and I turn our heads to watch the flood of students fill the student parking lot. I requested a meeting with her this morning and she pulled me from last period to talk.
My lap is full of applications and pamphlets. I’ve applied for the athletic scholarship, but I have to be prepared to be solely responsible for paying for my college education. West’s dad offered to uphold his end of the deal, but I can’t accept it. That money is tainted.
There’s only a few remaining days left to graduation—the sand in the hourglass has almost run out. I sigh heavily while fingering the top pamphlet in my hand. No one ever said fighting is easy.