“I never told them,” I whisper. “About what happened between me and you.”
“I know.” His shoulders roll forward. “Figured you didn’t when they didn’t show at my front door.”
“They would have come after you and you would have retaliated.” And it never would have stopped. They’d go after him and he’d jump them in return. It would have been a bloody, endless cycle. I glance at him, begging him to give me this. To know that all the sacrifices I’ve made haven’t been in vain.
Matt pops his neck to the side. “I am who I am, Haley. I can’t change that.”
A brief moment of justification and I hold on to it tight. I did have a right to be afraid for Kaden and Jax.
I process Matt’s offer and I’m terrified to inhale. This is what I’ve been hoping for. “That’s it? Break up with West and no repercussions? No one jumps West or Jax or Kaden or anyone over what happened with Conner? Bygones are bygones?”
“You’ve got my word.”
I’m almost dizzy. Is it possible one thing is going right in my life? But then a horrid pain slashes through my chest—this means giving up West, walking away from West. Everything within me plummets. Oh, God, I don’t just have feelings for West. I’ve fallen for him.
Matt watches me intently. Too intently. There’s more to this deal—a deal I should accept, but don’t think that I can. “For real, that’s it?”
Matt rests his arms on his knees and joins his hands together. “Come back to me. I liked who I was when I was with you. I liked how you made me feel—like I was somebody worth caring about. If you try and it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work, but at least try. It’ll be different—I’ll be different—I swear.”
Chapter 44
West
I slam THE SUV’s door and stalk to where Haley sits on the curb, but I keep my eyes glued on Matt. There’s a pulsating in my blood that begs for a fight. He’s done something to her. She’s shocked out, pale as a ghost and her fucking hands are trembling.
“Is there a problem here?”
Matt surveys me with boredom from his spot on the curb. “Only if you make something of it. Are you man enough or are you going to continue to hide behind Haley?”
“I’m game.” A smile stretches across my face. “I’ve got the balls, what about you?”
I’ve been dying for this moment since my first day of school. To hell with the fight next month, I’m ready to finish this. I stride past Haley and a tug on my wrist pulls me to a stop. I glance down and she grabs on to me with both hands. “Not here. Not now.”
“Haley,” I say, utterly exasperated and pissed. I’ve never had anyone doubt my strength as much as she has. I’m over her assumption that I’m weak and done with her thinking I don’t care enough to lay down my life for her. “I can take him.”
“This is where I work.” Her fingers shake against my skin and her eyes are hazy, as if waking from a dream. The urge is to kick his ass and it’s hard as hell to listen to what she’s telling me...that I could cost Haley her job.
“Fuck.” I crouch beside her and place my hand on her frozen cheek. Being a selfish bastard, the connection isn’t for her. It’s to keep me from losing control and smashing my fist into that asshole’s face. Jesus, why is she always so damn cold? “Are you okay?”
Haley nods and her eyes automatically dart back to Matt. The bastard stays seated on the other end of the curb and watches us; specifically, he focuses on my hand on her face.
“What’s it like to be pussy whipped?” he asks.
The muscles in my body jerk, but instead of removing his balls with my foot, I slide my thumb against Haley’s skin and kiss her forehead. She sags into me and I kiss her one more time before glaring at Matt. That’s right, she’s not your property. Haley chooses me. “Sorry I’m late. You ready to go?”
“Yes.”
I enfold her into the shelter of my body the moment she stands.
“Consider it, Haley,” Matt says as if I’m not here. “I’m not expecting an answer tonight. You and I could save a lot of people from a lot of heartache. It’s your choice.”
“Yes,” she says slowly. “It always seems to be my choice.”
I hate the tilt of her head, the faraway glaze in her eyes, all of it screaming that whatever he said to her has her thinking, analyzing, and I don’t want one word from that bastard circling in Haley’s mind. “Let’s go.”
I guide her to the SUV, tuck Haley safely inside, then join her when I climb into the driver’s side. With the car on, I blast the heater and tear out of the parking lot, craving to put as much distance between Haley and Matt as possible.
With her head lolling against the headrest, Haley stares out the window, looking as lost as I felt after Abby’s “present” to me. Abby’s got to be lying again because Mom’s parents are dead and she has no siblings. Abby’s confession from weeks ago echoes in my brain: Have you ever found out something you wished you hadn’t?
I peek at Haley out of the corner of my eye. I asked her once if she still had feelings for Matt, but I’ve never asked for details on their relationship. In fact, I’ve never asked her about anything and the kick in the nuts is the realization that Haley hasn’t asked anything about me, either.
All this time I thought I had coasted at school and with Haley in regard to my past, but it’s easy to coast when no one gives a shit.
Lights and cars become blurs as I speed down the road and head for the highway. Haley doesn’t seem to notice when we pass the turn for the gym and I fucking hate the sensation that only her body is present because her soul is still at that damn curb.
“What the hell is going on with you?” I ask. “With Matt?”
As usual, she’s silent, choosing to be locked away inside her brain—thinking, analyzing, not sharing, not talking. Haley plots and she plans, but she hardly ever discusses. “Say something!”
“Take a right.”
“What?”
Haley peers toward the oncoming street and her fingers hover near the window like she’s a child frightened to touch a broken piece of glass. “Take a right.”
Muttering a curse under my breath, I hang the right and we enter a neighborhood. My headlights hit one of those signs with a kid chasing a ball informing me to slow my ass down. I do and idle along at twenty-five as I wait for her further instructions.
Most of the homes are two-story brick houses that flaunt amateur landscaping. It’s better than her uncle’s but lower scale than where I live. Overall it’s nice, pleasant and very suburban.
“Stop.” There’s a longing in her voice that pricks at my chest. Haley presses her hand against the window; condensation forms an outline along her fingers. “That’s my house.”
I shift the car into Park. It’s a lot like the others: two stories, a chimney, but this one has a front porch, blue shutters, rosebushes and a for sale sign with the word sold.
“Mom would force Kaden and me home from the gym because she wanted us to eat dinner together. On Sundays, we’d order pizza and watch a movie in the living room. And that’s my bedroom. The corner one with two windows. There was always a lot of light in my room. I miss that—having a lot of light.”
Having no idea how to steal her pain, I gently stroke her hair one lock at a time. Rachel asked if I had a girlfriend—if I was Haley’s boyfriend. If I was, I would know how to make her better. I would have the words or the actions, but I only own silence.
I’ve never felt so much over a girl before. The emotions are unknown and confusing.
“I had a yellow lab,” she says. “She slept in my room and died a little over a year ago. Did you know...” And Haley stops and her breathing hitches. It’s like being slashed open with a knife. “Did you know she’s buried in the backyard?”
“No.” Because I wouldn’t know, but somehow it feels like I should. I think of me and Ethan at ten and nine dressed in our best suits to help Rachel bury her hamster in a shoebox in the backyard. It was my idea to hold the service when Mom was locked in her room, crying over a long-lost daughter, and Dad, once again, was busy with business.
Rachel sobbed and sobbed as Ethan held her. I dug the hole and I repacked the dirt. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my brother and sister.
“Do you know what I miss the most?” Haley whispers.
“What?” I ask, terrified of her answer.
“The feeling that no matter what happened or what I did, there was someplace safe to fall.” Haley looks at me and my insides wither at the moisture in her eyes. “What’s it like to go home? I fantasized about it and I’m sure you did, too. What was it like?”
I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and I don’t know how to make you better. I’m in love with you and I shouldn’t be. I’m in love with you and once you figure out who I am, you’re not going to love me. I’m in love with you and I seem to fuck up the ones who love me back.
“Do you want to go there?” Each uttered word is cut against my heart. Once she sees where I live, once she knows I’m a Young, whatever it is going on between us will be done.