Take Me On(37)
The door to the bar opens and Denny sticks in his head. Johnny Cash sings about a ring of fire and a woman’s drunk laughter drifts with him into the room. “Have you become learning impaired or crippled since I last saw you?”
I continue to sweep the nonexistent dirt. “Got a point?”
“Yeah, you should have been done a half hour ago.”
Our eyes meet and my heart beats once. Denny has never pushed me out. He has to be in on the secret. “I get paid by the hour.”
The Vin Diesel stunt double shakes his head and widens the door. “He’s not coming out so I guess you’re going in.”
My hands freeze on the broom handle and for a short second I expect my mother. Instead, Abby walks in with a Hostess CupCake on a plate and a single lit candle.
“Don’t get delusional and think this means I like you,” says Abby. “Because I don’t. I’m being blackmailed and I don’t appreciate it. I do the blackmailing, not the other way around.”
Denny leans against the open door with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk planted on his face. “You have the rest of the night off with full pay. Get the hell out of my bar.”
“How did you know?” I ask.
Denny gestures toward Abby and Abby holds up a cell. “Rachel.”
Rachel. The two of them might as well have used razor blades against my soul. I take the phone and a moment before saying, “Hey.”
“Happy birthday!” I can hear Rachel’s smile. “Did Abby give you a piece of cake?”
I survey the prepackaged glob of sugar. “And a candle.”
“Good. Make a wish and blow it out.”
With an owner of a run-down bar and a drug dealer watching me, I stare at the burning candle and wish for Rachel’s health, for her happiness and for her forgiveness. I release a breath and watch as smoke rises into the air. “It’s done, Rach.”
“I love you,” she says.
Me, too. “Thanks.” I’m not sure how to react when my eyes burn.
“Abby says you have a girlfriend.”
Abby rocks her eyebrows when I glare at her. I sigh, not wanting to lie to Rachel, but the truth is, I like Haley. A lot. As much as I’m dying to see her naked, I’m just as content hanging out with her fully clothed. There’s a strange tugging inside me and I try not to focus on it because that chaos scares the shit out of me. “Yeah.”
“I want to meet her.”
“Maybe.” I consider adding on “freakasaurus.” I used to call Rachel that, but I lost the right to tease her months ago.
“I’ve got to go. A nurse walked in. Happy birthday again.” She ends the call and I hand the cell to Abby.
In a whirl, Abby turns on Denny. “If you give me twenty dollars, I’ll make sure he goes out the back.”
With a look used by marine interrogators, Denny assesses Abby. “You better.” He yanks a twenty out of his pocket, gives it to her, then leaves, slamming the door shut behind him.
“I’m not leaving,” I say.
“Didn’t expect you to think you would, but you will. And FYI—when you freak later because you rush out of here like your penis is on fire and like your eyes have been sprayed with Mace, know I stayed to watch your mom’s back. Then you will, once again, owe me. Since you’re in good graces with Daddy, I’m thinking cash this time. In increments of lots of zeros.”
“Don’t hold your breath because I’m staying.”
Abby cocks her head. “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting with Haley soon?”
“You do stalk me, don’t you?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. Everyone at school knows you and Matt will be going at it in April and that Haley’s all Mr. Miyagi Karate Kid to your Daniel-san. Has she taught you wax on and wax off yet? If so, can you teach me? I’m totally ready to kick some ass.”
“Conner and I will be going at it, not me and Matt,” I correct her, then ignore everything else.
There’s a gleam in her eye I don’t like. “Whatever you say. Check it out—I’m feeling generous today, so are you ready for your present?”
I hold out a hand, waiting for her worst.
“Okay, this isn’t your present, but it’s important. Matt figured out your weakness.”
This ought to be funny since the only weakness I have at the moment is Rachel and no one at school besides Jessica and Abby knows I’m a trust fund Young. “What does he think it is?”
“Haley,” she says in a “duh.” “A blind man could see you falling for the girl with your long ass stares and tongue hanging out of your mouth. Matt and his crew are chilling at Haley’s place of employment tonight and his birthday gift to you is to rattle her.”
The broom snaps against the floor as I drop it. “How do you know this?”
“I told you already—there isn’t much that happens in my territory that I don’t know.”
I step for the back door and Abby grabs me. “I haven’t given you your birthday present.”
“I don’t give a fuck about a present.” I need to get to Haley.
Abby clings to me and stares straight into my eyes, not caring I’ll haul her ass with me in order to protect my girl. “It’s your mom,” she says in a rush. “She’s not having an affair. She comes here to see her brother.”
Chapter 43
Haley
Matt has a girl draped on his arm. She’s a genuine bikini-wearing, sign-strutting Octagon Bunny from the fights. Blond hair, big breasts and very much a girly-girl. Her laughter fades the moment she spots me.
The three of us eye each other and I hate the seasickness of seeing him with someone else. Once upon a time, regardless of what happened between us at the end, I cared for Matt. I briefly close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. I lost my virginity to him and now he’s doing that. I’m consumed with the need to take a hot shower and scrub my skin off.
Because I don’t live under a rock, I’ve heard the rumors of how he’s done it with every girl backward, sideways and forward since we broke up. Matt terrifies me and I hate him, but as she winds her arm tighter around his, nausea causes me to turn away and head to the front of the building. When I’m far enough away, I drop to the curb.
“You broke up with me.” With his hands shoved in his pockets, Matt’s a good six feet away and the Octagon Bunny is nowhere in sight.
“Stay where you are.” Because the thought of him any closer causes my hands to tremble.
I consider standing, but my knees have that weak feeling. I’m in public. If Matt comes near me, I can scream and he’ll walk away. I wrap my arms around my body, to keep myself warm, to keep myself intact. With each rock, I repeat the mantra: I’m safe.
Matt sinks to his portion of the curb, maintaining the make-believe restraining order. “I saw the pain on your face when you looked at her. I don’t like hurting you.”
My mind warps and separates, then crashes together. I bend over as I laugh. It’s manic and maddening and I try to shove the hysterical giggles back in as I slap a hand over my mouth, but they won’t stop. I shed blood because of him. I lost my family over him. He has done more than hurt me; he’s destroyed me.
The laughter runs dry and I’m suddenly overwhelmed with the need to cry. “She doesn’t bother me.”
It’s the truth. The nausea—it’s not from seeing him with her. It’s from hating myself. How could I ever have loved somebody like him? How could I have given him something as sacred as my virginity?
“She bothered you,” he insists. “I fucked up with us. I know it and I’m sorry. If you give us another chance, I swear, I’ll be different.”
I shake my head before he finishes. “I’m with West.” Even if it is pretend or not pretend or this strange middle ground purgatory, I’m with him and I’ve never spoken sweeter words.
There’s silence between us and two cars drive by.
“Your story isn’t panning out, Haley. If it was true, then someone would have seen West leave the store and go after Conner that night, or would have known that you and West were a couple. I’ve asked around. No one knows him except for a small-time weed dealer. Dating a pothead isn’t your style. You need to end this lie and stop protecting Jax and Kaden.”
The muscles in the back of my neck tighten. Fabulous—West smokes pot, but to be honest, what do I know about him? We’ve told each other things, in the middle of the night, in a raw moment where lying felt impossible. We admitted truths you don’t say aloud or to other people, but we’ve never actually learned anything about the other.
Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to West. Maybe that’s why I like the game we play. He’s anonymous and so am I. “If I’m lying, then so is your brother. Are you ready to admit Conner is capable of not telling the truth?”
Matt’s head snaps in my direction and I have to fight to keep from scrambling away from him. We’re in public. I’m safe. Please let me be safe.
“Aren’t you tired of arguing over the same old shit?” Matt rubs his anger off his face with the balls of his hands and tries again. “Break up with West and I’ll call this whole thing off. No fight and no going after Jax and Kaden. Consider this a blank slate.”