Take Me, Cowboy(18)

“I’m also emotionally dysfunctional, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

A shocked laugh escaped his lips. “Right. Same goes.”

“I don’t know. Sex kind of weirds me out. It’s a lot of closeness.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he pointed out. It felt like a weird thing to say, though, because what they’d done just now had been the epitome of closeness.

“It just all feels...raw. And...it was good. But I think that’s kind of why it bothered me.”

“I don’t want it to bother you.”

“Well, the other thing is it was you. You and me, like you said. We don’t do things like this. We hang out, we drink beer. We don’t screw.”

“Turns out we’re pretty compatible when it comes to the screwing.” He wasn’t entirely sure this was the time to make light of what had just happened. But he was at sea here. So he had to figure out some way to talk to her. He figured he would make his best effort to treat her like he always did.

“Yeah,” she said, finally pushing her way out of the bathroom. “But I’m not really sure there’s much we can do with that.”

He felt like he was losing his grip on something, something essential, important. Like he was on a rope precariously strung across the canyon, trying to hang on and not fall to his doom. Not fall to their doom, since she was right there with him.

What she was saying should feel like safety. It didn’t. It felt like the bottom of the damn canyon.

“I don’t know if that’s the way to handle it.”

“You don’t?” she asked, blinking.

Apparently. He hadn’t thought that statement through before it had come out of his mouth. “Yeah. Look, you kissed me yesterday. You gave me...oral pleasure earlier. And now we’ve had sex. Obviously, this isn’t going away. Obviously, there’s some attraction between us that we’ve never really acknowledged before.”

“Or,” she said, “someone cast a spell on us. Yeah, we drank some kind of sex potion. Makes you horny for twenty-four hours and then goes away.”

“Sex potion?”

“It’s either that or years of repressed lust, Chase. Pick whichever one makes you most comfortable.”

“I would go with sex potion if I thought such a thing existed.” He took a deep breath. “You know there’s a lot of people that think men and women can’t just be friends. And I’ve always thought that was stupid. Maybe this is why. Maybe it’s because eventually, something happens. Eventually, the connection can’t just be platonic. Not when you’ve spent so long in each other’s company. Not when you’re both reasonably attractive and single.”

She snorted. “Reasonably attractive. What happened to me being a damn miracle?”

“I was referring to myself when I said reasonably. I’d hate to sound egotistical.”

“Honestly, Chase, after thirty years of accomplished egotism, why worry about it now?”

He looked down at her. She was stark naked, standing in front of him, and he felt like he was in front of the pastry display case at Pie in the Sky. He wanted to sample everything, and he didn’t know where to start.

But he couldn’t do anything about that now. He was trying to make amends. Dropping to his knees in front of her and burying his face between her legs probably wouldn’t help with that.

He could feel his dick starting to wake up again. And since he was naked he might as well just go ahead and shout his intentions at her, because he wouldn’t be able to hide them.

He couldn’t look at her and not get hard, though. A new development in their relationship. But then, so was standing in front of each other without clothes.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, unable to help himself.

She wasn’t as curvy as the women he usually gravitated toward. Her curves were restrained, her waist slim, with no dramatic sweep inward, just a slow build down to those wide, gorgeous hips that he now had fantasies about grabbing hold of while he pumped into her from behind. Her breasts were small but perfection in his mind. More would just be more.

He couldn’t really imagine how he had ever looked at her face and found it plain. He had to kick his own ass mentally for that. He had been blind. Someone with unrefined, cheap taste. Who thought that if you stuck rhinestones and glitter on something, that meant it was prettier. But that wasn’t Anna. She was simple, refined beauty. Something that only a connoisseur might appreciate. She was like a sunset over the ocean in comparison to a gaudy ballroom chandelier. Both had their strong points. But one was real, deep. Priceless instead of expensive.

That was Anna.

Something about those thoughts made a tightening sensation start in his gut and work its way up to his chest.

“Maybe what happened was just inevitable,” he said, looking at her again.

“I can’t really disprove that,” she said, shifting uncomfortably. “You know, since it happened. I really need to put my clothes on.”

“Do you have to?”

She frowned. “Yes. And you do, too. Because if we don’t...”

“We’ll have sex again.”

The words stood between them, stark and far too true for either of their liking.

“Probably not,” she said, sounding wholly unconvinced.

“Definitely yes.”

She sighed heavily. “Chase, you can have sex with anyone you want. I’m definitely hard up. If you keep walking around flashing that thing, I’m probably going to hop on for a ride, I’ll just be honest with you. But I understand if I’m not half as irresistible to you as you are to me.”

Anger roared through him, suddenly, swiftly. And just like earlier, when she’d thrown her walls up and tried to drive a wedge between them, he found himself moving toward her. Moving to break through. He growled, backing her up against the wall, almost sighing in relief when his hardening cock met up with her soft skin, when her small breasts pressed against his chest. He grabbed hold of her hands, drawing them together and lifting them up over her head. “Let’s get one thing straight, Anna,” he said. “You are irresistible to me. If you weren’t irresistible to me, I would still be at home. I never would have come here. I never would have kissed you. I never would have touched you. Don’t you dare put yourself down. If this is because of your brothers, because of your dad...”

She closed her eyes, looking away from him. “Don’t. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Why don’t you think you can have this?”

“There’s nothing to have. It’s just sex. You mean the world to me. And just because I’m...suddenly unable to handle my hormones, I’m not going to compromise our friendship.”

“It doesn’t have to compromise it,” he said, lowering his voice.

“What are you suggesting? We can’t have a relationship with each other. We don’t have those kinds of feelings for each other. A relationship is more than sex. It’s romance and all kinds of stuff that I’m not even sure I want.”

“I don’t want it, either,” he said. “But we’re going to see each other. Pretty much every day. Not just because of the stupid bet. Not just because of the charity event. I’d call all that off right now if I thought it was going to ruin our friendship. But the horse has left the stable, Anna, well and truly. It’s not going back in.” He rolled his hips forward, and she gasped. “See what I mean? And if you were resistible? Then sure, I would tell you that we could just be done. We could pretend it didn’t happen. But you’re not. So I can’t.”

She opened her eyes again, looking up at him. “Then what are we doing?”

“You’ve heard of friends with benefits. Why can’t we do that? I mean, I would never have set out to have that relationship. Because I don’t think it’s very smart. But...it’s a little bit late for smart.”

“Friends with benefits. As in...we stay friends by day and we screw each other senseless by night?”

Gah. That about sent him over the edge. “Yeah.”

“Until what? Until...”

“Until you get that other date. Until the charity thing. As long as we’re both single, why not? You’re working toward the relationship stuff. You said you didn’t want to be alone anymore. So, maybe this is good in the meantime. I know you’re both industrious and red-blooded, and can get those orgasms all by yourself.” He rolled his hips again and, much to his satisfaction, a small moan of pleasure escaped her lips. “But are they this good?”

“No,” she said, her tone hushed.

“This is possibly the worst idea in the history of the world. But hell, you wanted to get some more experience... I’m offering to give it to you.” The moment he said the words he wanted to bite his tongue off. The idea of giving Anna more experience just so she could go and do things with other men? That made him see red. Made him feel violent. Jealous. Things he never felt.

But what other option was there? He couldn’t keep her. Not like this. But he couldn’t let her go now.

He was messed up. This was messed up.

“I guess... I guess that makes sense. You know, until earlier today I’d never even given a guy a blow job.”