Tagged & Ashed(20)

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After a few seconds of silence, I turn to see if I’ve scared her off. She’s not gone. She’s staring at me in a way I’ve never had anyone look at me before. It’s almost as if she’s in… awe? But not because she’s marveling at my body.

I don’t really get that, but I rise up to face her. I can’t believe I just told her that.

“I’d appreciate silence on this. Wren doesn’t even know.”

She nods, and then she wipes a tear away while lowering her eyes to the ground.

“You okay?"

“Yeah... It just... caught me by surprise. I almost wish that kid was yours.”

My heart jumps in my chest when her stormy eyes rise up, glistening with adoration seeping through. The way she’s looking at me - it’s not something I'm used to. It's not something I deserve.

“Sometimes I wish it, too, but I’m not father material. That's the part I feel the worst about - I wasn't ready to be a dad. I doubt I ever will be.

"I did, however, set up a trust fund for him. He won’t know about it until he’s twenty-four, and by then, I’m hoping he won’t have any ties to his mom. I also have someone who will be checking in on them - covertly of course - to make sure he’s not being neglected or abused in any way.”

Another tear falls free, and then she gets up to come sit beside me. Her body brushes against mine as the fresh, fruity scent of her hair catches me and makes me breathe in deep.

“Your turn,” I murmur softly while nudging her a bit. “Same question.”

She winces slightly, and then shakes her head.

“After you having shared that, I hate to deny you an answer, but my guiltiest moment doesn’t have such a good spin.”

How could this girl have something in her past that makes her face distort in shame?

“No judgment. I have no right.”

As bad as I want to see her lose her top or bottoms, I also want to know what jaded secrets she has. I need her to not be so perfect.

“Well, remember the first guy I had sex with?” she asks while cringing. “He was married.”

Whoa. Even I draw the line at engaged or married chicks.

“Um, wow. So… I don’t know what to say.”

She leans over and grips her head.

“That’s the same way I felt when I found out. I was young, naïve, and too damn trusting.”

Oh thank fuck. She didn’t know he was married.

“How did he keep it from you?”

A bitter, possibly self-loathing sigh tears out of her lips.

“Like I said, I was young. He was my first real boyfriend, so it’s not like I knew any better. I was going to college and had just started my own business in my apartment that Billy helped me get. He kept telling me Dyllan was bad news, but I thought he was just being overprotective.

“After we had sex the first time, I asked him to stay the night. He said he wanted to, but couldn't because he had an early meeting. He was six years older than me, had a job outside of Sterling Shore, and he claimed to work late hours, so I didn’t question it. I went out after he left to sort of celebrate my moment of deflowering with Billy - though I didn’t tell him that.

“While we were at the bar, I saw Dyllan walking in with a woman on his arm. She was blond, pale, elegant… everything I wasn’t. I stared in shock, and then I saw the ring on his finger along with the two rings on hers. From there, I remember throwing up, Billy carrying me out, and Dyllan chasing behind us as he promised to leave his wife.

“I’ll never forget the heartbroken tears that fell from her eyes as she stared in as much shock as I was in. Before I hyperventilated to the point of passing out, I remember Billy punching Dyllan in the face and leaving him in the street like the piece of shit he was."

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever had a conversation this deep with anyone, and from the tears in her eyes, I’m assuming this isn’t something she normally shares. It makes me want to find this guy and beat the hell out of him.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur while slipping my arm around her waist and pulling her to me.

She shrugs, never letting the first tear fall, and then she sits up, trying to look composed and unscathed by her truth.

“Name the most scared you’ve ever been in your life,” she says, changing the subject.

“When I thought I was going to be a father,” I say through a nervous chuckle, and she frowns a little, realizing she just wasted a turn.

“What about you?” I ask while brushing her hair from her face.

“I was afraid you were going to ask that,” she sighs. “Um, it actually happened a few months ago. I kept having someone call me from a blocked number, threatening me, watching me. They knew everything I was doing at all times of the day. I thought it was Evan - my last boyfriend - so Billy went over to his house and started a fight.