Taboo Unchained(76)
“I know, but I'd rather kiss you.”
“Robbie,” I try to stay firm, but when she raises up to her knees and presses her wet mouth to mine, I give in. My arms slide around Robbie's warm body, pulling her close, tucking her small form between my legs. Our kisses sear but don't burn, don't leave blackened flesh in their wake. These are the kinds of kisses that wars are started over, books written about, that flush poems from the hearts of poets. I've only had a handful of kisses like this in my life – all of them from Aliyah. When my mouth is on Robbie's, it's not so hard to imagine that I really am eighteen again. I wish I could start over. I'm certainly not the only person on this earth who's had that thought, but I do believe I'm the most passionate. I really wanted a life, desperately craved one, and here I am with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. “Robbie.” I try to get her to move back, but she won't and I'm not in the position to force her.
“Luke,” Robbie breathes, reaching her fingers up under my shirt, tracing my abs with a tentative touch that undoes everything inside of me. My demons rise to look, ripe with anger at Clarice, at the police, at the world. They're always angry at the world; that much is a given. I let them see Robbie's purity and beauty, but refuse to allow them to break through. Audra is the type of girl that can take the darkness and allow it to spill out and around her. Robbie is the exact opposite. “Thanks for coming out to get me last night,” she whispers, taking her mouth from mine and placing the feathery softness of her lips against my neck. “I … was confused about everything between us. I only meant to have one drink, but one turned into … a whole hell of a lot. Jules … he was trying to … ”
“To rape you.” It's a statement of fact, but it sounds so ugly that I want to vomit. I hate rapists with a passion. “He's lucky I didn't kill him.”
“That other man,” Robbie says, breathing hot, sweet breath into my ear. “Is that why you and Audra killed him?” I wait a moment before answering, letting her feel my bare chest with her fingers, sitting back a bit, so I can pull off my shirt.
“It is,” I whisper, kissing her cheek, her forehead. It's so unlike my usual style that I start to falter, to feel unsure of myself. Lucas Carter is never unsure, but maybe Luke Carter is?
“Thank you,” Robbie says again. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
Our naked bodies press close, my jeans the only thing keeping us from the next level, from an all-out brawl on the towel covered surface of my bathroom floor.
I reach my fingers under Robbie's bare ass and scoot her backwards, laying her flat on the ground beneath me. When she looks up, her eyes are filled with questions, with curiosity, affection. I have no idea why she likes me, but sometimes that's okay. Sometimes, a boy with green eyes and dark hair gets up and moves across the room to sit next to the weird girl in art class, the one with faux pink eyelashes on, a leafless tree bleeding on the page in front of her. Sometimes he falls in love with this girl. Sometimes he loses her.
God, Aliyah, I miss you so fucking much that it's hard to breathe. I've given my life over to the demons. They own me now, body and soul.
“Are you certain you want to do this?” I ask. It doesn't make up for my lack of attention last time, but I feel like I have to at least voice the words, get a verbal confirmation. My mind rewinds back to last night, to Robbie telling Jules no.
“Luke, if I didn't want to, I would say something.” Robbie puts her hands on either side of my face. “In the kitchen, I wanted to be with you. It hurt more than I thought, but I wanted it anyway. Stop beating yourself up about it.”
“I don't want to become anymore of a monster than I already am. Does that make me selfish?”
“No. And I don't think you're a monster at all, Luke. Monsters couldn't possibly kiss the way you do.”
Robbie wraps her arms around my head, threading her fingers together against the back of my neck. My tongue tastes her lips, her teeth. I can barely bring myself up for air. All I want is to be wrapped in Robbie, drenched with her sweetness.
I pull back suddenly and stand up, removing my jeans and flicking off the bathroom lights. There's no window in this room, so we're left together in darkness. Robbie fumbles for me, but I push her hands back, dropping between her legs and putting my mouth to the sweet heat between her thighs. I close my eyes against the sudden urge that cripples my body, begs me to skip this part of the exercise and go straight to the finale. But I did that last time, and I owe Robbie a proper experience. That, and this has to be the last one between us. If I keep on this path, things are going to get messy.